Currently questioning why God choose to label as “evil” certain things. It makes me feel like I am trying to find my thoughts to be okay and that is scary but it feels so real. This does not seem like OCD anymore 😖😖. I can’t remember who I was before OCD.
No, I get what you are saying. These are my themes also... I am learning to stop asking "what if" and "why"; as well as to try to see the purpose or possitive in everythibg. They get me in the rabit hole every time. So, it's better not to. I hope this helps you. Leave it to God and just obey Him. We are not God will sincerely never understand Him. So, we must decide if we will trust Him, or not. If we will trust our understanding or our doubts instead.
@RMO2023 Thank you, I will continue to work on trusting God. It’s crazy, I know it’s OCD because my themes switch constantly, but it is hard to let go off once you get down that rabbit whole. I feel like I’m almost rebelling against God or rejecting him and the gift of salvation and even feel like God would not want to save me like that. It’s hard to completely surrender when you are doubting everything.
@JessiJess Your flesh probably is... remember we have the spirit of God but we still got this flesh that needs to be sanctified, by the daily surrender and submission in obedience to God.
@RMO2023 You are right! I would greatly appreciate if you could please keep me in your prayers, I need God to find his way in my heart. I know his presence will do wonders.
What are some of the things your wondering about are labeled evil that shouldn’t be?
@JordTheNord Thoughts having to do with mainly harm and religious OCD. These have been the themes I have found the hardest to get past.
@JessiJess And you disagree that they’re evil?
@JordTheNord I know they are evil, it’s hard to explain, it’s my deep rumination that questions everything like why is it evil? Not sure if it makes sense. The fact that I question it causes me to worry I am just trying to justify actually wanting to act on the thoughts
@JessiJess Ohh ok! I understand what you’re saying now. Thank you for your patience with me. You are allowed to questions things to have a better understanding and a firm belief in them. However as you said it’s the constant rumination that is bothering you and getting you on that you actually feel that you a reveling against God. You are not. Your mind was made to question not ruminate. That is a side effect that we all must manage. You are doing great already acknowledging you ruminate. Your awareness to your thoughts is the light. Follow it. The light is in you. You got this
Thought monitoring for negative content can be a part of OCD.... in MCT therapy it is a part of CAS - cognitive attentional syndrome, that are bad thinking strategy......flow of thoughta in conciousness is natural and they go and go... you cannot control them all...let them pass...accept them... because analyzing and searching for danger in your mind get you only stuck...
Makes me feel lost. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.
I don’t even say I have OCD anymore because it feels like I’m lying. Maybe this isn’t about OCD anymore and is about accountability instead. Accountability for how twisted and sick I am. Sometimes I force myself to admit that it’s not OCD and that I’m just dark and twisted and need to protect the world from me. I mean god this feels too real to be OCD. Sometimes I look back at my memory and wonder if I did certain stuff on purpose and ask myself who could do stuff like this? Everyone says it’s OCD but it feels too real. I have a gut feeling that I’m a deviant psycho. I want to be gone.
Since I started to accept that maybe some of the problems i deal with might be things that i should accept cause either way I feel shame if i have these thoughts, and i think that being that person is shameful. I'm struggling these days and I noticed I have thoughts about God not being real, not helping me, questioning if its real and these thoughts makes me feel shame. But i keep accepting it cause Im tired that i feel like im lying to myself and everytime i feel like im avoiding the truth, so I try to accept it that its okay that im having these problems(I do the same with suicidal ocd,I start to accept maybe its real) but since im doing this I noticed it makes me depreassed cause of shame. Made things worse, I always spin about shame that it might be true, i try tk accept it but it doesnt work, I feel like maybe i should go back and label every feeling and thought as ocd but i know i wouldnt be free cause i would feel like im trying to make myself feel better... But if its ocd, how can I decide its that if I have the emotions like im losing my faith, I get angry when i hear about faith, sometimes i feel like i really question it, have thoughts like i dont want to have faith...
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