Feeling super anxious

@BigGyro09 Idk if I can I’m still stuck the thoughts i had yesterday and the topic is similar to the past posts I’ve made but idk I just feel like if I really type it out it’s gonna actually make me sound weird so a weirdo :(

@katr :,) Please understand that you're struggling with a mental condition that you didn't choose. OCD is very hard to deal with and it can make it feel like you're the problem. You are NOT the problem. OCD is. You aren't what your thoughts say you are but your OCD is going to make it it's mission to bring up unsettling thoughts. In this community, you will never be judged for your thoughts. You won't be called a weirdo. You'll have a lot of support here and you'll have people willing to help and be her for you, like me :) What I want for you is for a professional to help you with this and I want you to separate your thoughts from yourself. I think that will help you a lot!

@BigGyro09 It’s really just super hard though and I appreciate and understand everything you’ve said but idk I feel like I really am a p this time or at least a little suspicious?? But I really wish I could talk abt it but I don’t think I feel comfortable… only thing I can say it’s abt is supposedly false attraction even if I thought he was attractive until I remember he was younger bc he was a customer of mine and this girl I feel like I checked out/noticed and when I really looked at her it looked like she could’ve been younger but I kept to checking bc idk I feel like I was trying to figure out something bc idk if she was older or younger but it looked like she was.. and I basically just told you 😭 but idk I feel like im becoming a p for that

@katr :,) False attractions are all part of OCD. Every single thing you have written in your posts do not alarm me or make me question you in a negative way. It's all OCD. I know it's hard because it keeps nagging you about the same thing and anything you do. Try responding in a way that is sarcastic to your OCD. That's how you get it to back off. If your thoughts start rising about false attractions and POCD, just be like "whatever" to your OCD. Maybe that could work. The point of this is exposing yourself to the anxiety of the thoughts until you get used to them and they no longer bother you

@BigGyro09 But it’s the fact that I still had the feeling though after I remembered bc I still thought was cute but I was like he’s well idk how young but a teenager and I was like ew ew ew and then he was exposing his muscle or whatever and I noticed it 😭 and then I saw a short clip on yt on movie short of “real woman have curves” and there was a girl with her underwear on and I thought like oop she got a booty and I saw it was Blake lively but she was younger so I went to see how old she was in the movie and she was 15 💀 and I’m like omgg are you serious but yeah and I also think I have a lot of highs and lows in my moods bc my chest doesn’t feel that tight anymore when I read your first comment which made me cry alittle and my chest felt like I could breathe again or something 😭 but yeah

@katr :,) You just have to find a way to stop overthinking these thoughts. I would like for your main focus to be NOT trying to figure out the thoughts whatsoever. You already know that false attractions can happen and you ruminating cannot help you, since it's a compulsion. Compulsions are what make OCD strong. When you don't do them, they weaken. Also, YouTube can have tendencies to advertise pretty gross content like that. Whether it'd be ads, shorts, or videos.

@BigGyro09 I dont think it’s false attraction from the first part bc I think I actually did find him cute 💀😭 :/ and sorry I’m back on this but it just popped up in my head on what if I see him again and still think he’s cute or have the feelings that he was attractive or something or idk if it’s weird to find him attractive but I wouldn’t want anything to do with him bc he could be a minor but idk it’s like oh he’s cute but I wouldn’t date him type thing especially if he’s a minor like I don’t wanna that but idk I feel like it’s weird bc is it weird if I thought he was cute?? But then it’s like why are you finding someone who is younger cute 💀, and it’s like ew but he coukd be a minor which I think he is but idk man :/

@katr :,) You're only back to this because your OCD brought it up. You don't know if he is a minor or not and that's causing the distress. If he weren't, you'd find him to be nice looking and that's not weird, if he were, you initially didn't know his age but hinted at the possibility that he could be a good looking adult. If he isn't, then he isn't and you don't feel that way about it. Again, I could reassure you but that isn't going to work as long as OCD focuses on this time and time again. You just have to let those thoughts, feelings, and uncomfortable scenarios pass until they don't bother you anymore.

@BigGyro09 But I think he is underage, but idk why like even tho I don’t want anything to do with him in that way or anything bc he is underage and it’s like I don’t wanna be with him or anything but idk it’s just the feelings I had 😭 and I think he is bc I remember that he needed a helmet and underage needs a helmet 😭 expect that was a while ago and when he came again I didn’t notice it was him but then I saw closer and it was so I was like omg he’s the one who’s underage and yeah 🥲bc usually like once I found out someone was underaged I was like oh hell nah and I would feel nothing like done except now that I have this ocd it sticks longer and it doesn’t go away yk like idk 😭😭

@katr :,) Regardless of false attractions, feelings, or thoughts, you're basically telling yourself what that you wouldn't follow with those actions. Like you said, if he was underaged you would not want anything to do with that. But what's OCD going to do? Doubt, doubt, doubt. It's not going to stop doubting. However, when it does doubt, you can choose to disregard rather than try to figure it all out. Why does this work? Well, you know that this is distressing you. You also know that you don't want these awful thoughts to be true and you would never want to side with those scenarios. What does OCD need to keep the obsessions going? Compulsions. What does it make you do? The compulsions. Don't ever beat yourself up for giving into compulsions. This is a very complicated condition that you didn't choose to go through. Gaining knowledge for all of this can help though. Disregarding those compulsions will make this obsession weaker and make you stronger.