I feel like I wanna kill myself sometimes and it’s been popping up in my head for a while but I’m also scared of the thought of doing that but I really just feel like not living anymore :( im scared of life
Please don't do this. Don't harm yourself. Please try to be kind to yourself and not let your thoughts get to you this much. I know that's really hard to do but you really don't seem like the kind of person that your OCD says you are. You sound like a very good person that would never want to harm someone. You have a conscience. You have morality and you're worrying is exhausting your mind. I really hope you can find some peace. :(
@BigGyro09 Idk if I can I’m still stuck the thoughts i had yesterday and the topic is similar to the past posts I’ve made but idk I just feel like if I really type it out it’s gonna actually make me sound weird so a weirdo :(
@katr :,) Please understand that you're struggling with a mental condition that you didn't choose. OCD is very hard to deal with and it can make it feel like you're the problem. You are NOT the problem. OCD is. You aren't what your thoughts say you are but your OCD is going to make it it's mission to bring up unsettling thoughts. In this community, you will never be judged for your thoughts. You won't be called a weirdo. You'll have a lot of support here and you'll have people willing to help and be her for you, like me :) What I want for you is for a professional to help you with this and I want you to separate your thoughts from yourself. I think that will help you a lot!
@BigGyro09 It’s really just super hard though and I appreciate and understand everything you’ve said but idk I feel like I really am a p this time or at least a little suspicious?? But I really wish I could talk abt it but I don’t think I feel comfortable… only thing I can say it’s abt is supposedly false attraction even if I thought he was attractive until I remember he was younger bc he was a customer of mine and this girl I feel like I checked out/noticed and when I really looked at her it looked like she could’ve been younger but I kept to checking bc idk I feel like I was trying to figure out something bc idk if she was older or younger but it looked like she was.. and I basically just told you 😭 but idk I feel like im becoming a p for that
@katr :,) False attractions are all part of OCD. Every single thing you have written in your posts do not alarm me or make me question you in a negative way. It's all OCD. I know it's hard because it keeps nagging you about the same thing and anything you do. Try responding in a way that is sarcastic to your OCD. That's how you get it to back off. If your thoughts start rising about false attractions and POCD, just be like "whatever" to your OCD. Maybe that could work. The point of this is exposing yourself to the anxiety of the thoughts until you get used to them and they no longer bother you
@BigGyro09 But it’s the fact that I still had the feeling though after I remembered bc I still thought was cute but I was like he’s well idk how young but a teenager and I was like ew ew ew and then he was exposing his muscle or whatever and I noticed it 😭 and then I saw a short clip on yt on movie short of “real woman have curves” and there was a girl with her underwear on and I thought like oop she got a booty and I saw it was Blake lively but she was younger so I went to see how old she was in the movie and she was 15 💀 and I’m like omgg are you serious but yeah and I also think I have a lot of highs and lows in my moods bc my chest doesn’t feel that tight anymore when I read your first comment which made me cry alittle and my chest felt like I could breathe again or something 😭 but yeah
@katr :,) You just have to find a way to stop overthinking these thoughts. I would like for your main focus to be NOT trying to figure out the thoughts whatsoever. You already know that false attractions can happen and you ruminating cannot help you, since it's a compulsion. Compulsions are what make OCD strong. When you don't do them, they weaken. Also, YouTube can have tendencies to advertise pretty gross content like that. Whether it'd be ads, shorts, or videos.
@BigGyro09 I dont think it’s false attraction from the first part bc I think I actually did find him cute 💀😭 :/ and sorry I’m back on this but it just popped up in my head on what if I see him again and still think he’s cute or have the feelings that he was attractive or something or idk if it’s weird to find him attractive but I wouldn’t want anything to do with him bc he could be a minor but idk it’s like oh he’s cute but I wouldn’t date him type thing especially if he’s a minor like I don’t wanna that but idk I feel like it’s weird bc is it weird if I thought he was cute?? But then it’s like why are you finding someone who is younger cute 💀, and it’s like ew but he coukd be a minor which I think he is but idk man :/
@katr :,) You're only back to this because your OCD brought it up. You don't know if he is a minor or not and that's causing the distress. If he weren't, you'd find him to be nice looking and that's not weird, if he were, you initially didn't know his age but hinted at the possibility that he could be a good looking adult. If he isn't, then he isn't and you don't feel that way about it. Again, I could reassure you but that isn't going to work as long as OCD focuses on this time and time again. You just have to let those thoughts, feelings, and uncomfortable scenarios pass until they don't bother you anymore.
@BigGyro09 But I think he is underage, but idk why like even tho I don’t want anything to do with him in that way or anything bc he is underage and it’s like I don’t wanna be with him or anything but idk it’s just the feelings I had 😭 and I think he is bc I remember that he needed a helmet and underage needs a helmet 😭 expect that was a while ago and when he came again I didn’t notice it was him but then I saw closer and it was so I was like omg he’s the one who’s underage and yeah 🥲bc usually like once I found out someone was underaged I was like oh hell nah and I would feel nothing like done except now that I have this ocd it sticks longer and it doesn’t go away yk like idk 😭😭
@katr :,) Regardless of false attractions, feelings, or thoughts, you're basically telling yourself what that you wouldn't follow with those actions. Like you said, if he was underaged you would not want anything to do with that. But what's OCD going to do? Doubt, doubt, doubt. It's not going to stop doubting. However, when it does doubt, you can choose to disregard rather than try to figure it all out. Why does this work? Well, you know that this is distressing you. You also know that you don't want these awful thoughts to be true and you would never want to side with those scenarios. What does OCD need to keep the obsessions going? Compulsions. What does it make you do? The compulsions. Don't ever beat yourself up for giving into compulsions. This is a very complicated condition that you didn't choose to go through. Gaining knowledge for all of this can help though. Disregarding those compulsions will make this obsession weaker and make you stronger.
Hi there - I’ve been struggling a lot recently with my OCD as well. I’ve went through ERP and therapy through here and it was very helpful. A long time ago I heard something from a therapist on TikTok along the lines of “our bodies respond to what is sexually relevant, not what we actually value or want.” It is very typical to experience feelings and sensations with this type of OCD. It does not mean you are a monster or a bad person. This disorder is a bully and wants to keep you stuck. It’s hard work to get out on the other side, but I promise you there IS another side. It just takes time to get there. ❤️
I understand what you're saying... sometimes I feel overwhelmed with anxiety and OCD symptoms and get intrusive thoughts about wanting out, which would make me anxious because I don't want to end my life. Please talk to a therapist who specializes in ERP therapy to treat your OCD. Treating your OCD will help you overcome intrusive thoughts. You don't have to live like this, you can live a full and happy life with treatment.
"This sounds like it has been really hard for you. We’re sorry you are going through this difficult time. NOCD is not a crisis service. We will provide you with some resources that may help you address what you are sharing with us. Emergency Phone Numbers: United States - Dial 9-1-1 U.K. - Dial 9-9-9 Australia - Dial 0-0-0 Canada - https://itgetsbettercanada.org/get-help/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Call 800-273-8255 https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org Need Someone To Talk To? Warm Line https://warmline.org/warmdir.html "
The theme i struggle with most is suicidal OCD. And with September being “national suicide awareness month”, My anxiety is sky high. i’m back in my spiral. I’m back with the panic attacks. My mind keeps comparing itself to all of these people and now i’m convinced i want too or i have these symptoms and im next. i’m freaking myself out and idk what to do. I get scared i have suicidal ideation when i know i don’t because i would never ever actually kms nor hurt myself in anyway. Does anyone know how to comercome this??? I just got out of my spiral not even 1 months ago and im scared im going deeper this time. My mind is all over the place scared im actually going to do it when i know im not and i feel like i have to go to the hospital or something idk what to do.
I am so so upset and anxious right now. At this point I badly need reassurance as Im feeling a whole panic attack coming on. Has anyone ever had the feeling in their head and body like they are actually going to act on a terrible harm related intrusive thought like it actually feels like you are. Im scared as fuck i dont know what to do because What if i actually do that i am so scared does it ever feel like your on the edge of doing it and you get this whole intrusive urge in your body PLEASE REPLY please tell me experiences
I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"
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