I feel like I wanna kill myself sometimes and it’s been popping up in my head for a while but I’m also scared of the thought of doing that but I really just feel like not living anymore :( im scared of life
Please don't do this. Don't harm yourself. Please try to be kind to yourself and not let your thoughts get to you this much. I know that's really hard to do but you really don't seem like the kind of person that your OCD says you are. You sound like a very good person that would never want to harm someone. You have a conscience. You have morality and you're worrying is exhausting your mind. I really hope you can find some peace. :(
@BigGyro09 Idk if I can I’m still stuck the thoughts i had yesterday and the topic is similar to the past posts I’ve made but idk I just feel like if I really type it out it’s gonna actually make me sound weird so a weirdo :(
@katr :,) Please understand that you're struggling with a mental condition that you didn't choose. OCD is very hard to deal with and it can make it feel like you're the problem. You are NOT the problem. OCD is. You aren't what your thoughts say you are but your OCD is going to make it it's mission to bring up unsettling thoughts. In this community, you will never be judged for your thoughts. You won't be called a weirdo. You'll have a lot of support here and you'll have people willing to help and be her for you, like me :) What I want for you is for a professional to help you with this and I want you to separate your thoughts from yourself. I think that will help you a lot!
@BigGyro09 It’s really just super hard though and I appreciate and understand everything you’ve said but idk I feel like I really am a p this time or at least a little suspicious?? But I really wish I could talk abt it but I don’t think I feel comfortable… only thing I can say it’s abt is supposedly false attraction even if I thought he was attractive until I remember he was younger bc he was a customer of mine and this girl I feel like I checked out/noticed and when I really looked at her it looked like she could’ve been younger but I kept to checking bc idk I feel like I was trying to figure out something bc idk if she was older or younger but it looked like she was.. and I basically just told you 😭 but idk I feel like im becoming a p for that
@katr :,) False attractions are all part of OCD. Every single thing you have written in your posts do not alarm me or make me question you in a negative way. It's all OCD. I know it's hard because it keeps nagging you about the same thing and anything you do. Try responding in a way that is sarcastic to your OCD. That's how you get it to back off. If your thoughts start rising about false attractions and POCD, just be like "whatever" to your OCD. Maybe that could work. The point of this is exposing yourself to the anxiety of the thoughts until you get used to them and they no longer bother you
@BigGyro09 But it’s the fact that I still had the feeling though after I remembered bc I still thought was cute but I was like he’s well idk how young but a teenager and I was like ew ew ew and then he was exposing his muscle or whatever and I noticed it 😭 and then I saw a short clip on yt on movie short of “real woman have curves” and there was a girl with her underwear on and I thought like oop she got a booty and I saw it was Blake lively but she was younger so I went to see how old she was in the movie and she was 15 💀 and I’m like omgg are you serious but yeah and I also think I have a lot of highs and lows in my moods bc my chest doesn’t feel that tight anymore when I read your first comment which made me cry alittle and my chest felt like I could breathe again or something 😭 but yeah
@katr :,) You just have to find a way to stop overthinking these thoughts. I would like for your main focus to be NOT trying to figure out the thoughts whatsoever. You already know that false attractions can happen and you ruminating cannot help you, since it's a compulsion. Compulsions are what make OCD strong. When you don't do them, they weaken. Also, YouTube can have tendencies to advertise pretty gross content like that. Whether it'd be ads, shorts, or videos.
@BigGyro09 I dont think it’s false attraction from the first part bc I think I actually did find him cute 💀😭 :/ and sorry I’m back on this but it just popped up in my head on what if I see him again and still think he’s cute or have the feelings that he was attractive or something or idk if it’s weird to find him attractive but I wouldn’t want anything to do with him bc he could be a minor but idk it’s like oh he’s cute but I wouldn’t date him type thing especially if he’s a minor like I don’t wanna that but idk I feel like it’s weird bc is it weird if I thought he was cute?? But then it’s like why are you finding someone who is younger cute 💀, and it’s like ew but he coukd be a minor which I think he is but idk man :/
@katr :,) You're only back to this because your OCD brought it up. You don't know if he is a minor or not and that's causing the distress. If he weren't, you'd find him to be nice looking and that's not weird, if he were, you initially didn't know his age but hinted at the possibility that he could be a good looking adult. If he isn't, then he isn't and you don't feel that way about it. Again, I could reassure you but that isn't going to work as long as OCD focuses on this time and time again. You just have to let those thoughts, feelings, and uncomfortable scenarios pass until they don't bother you anymore.
@BigGyro09 But I think he is underage, but idk why like even tho I don’t want anything to do with him in that way or anything bc he is underage and it’s like I don’t wanna be with him or anything but idk it’s just the feelings I had 😭 and I think he is bc I remember that he needed a helmet and underage needs a helmet 😭 expect that was a while ago and when he came again I didn’t notice it was him but then I saw closer and it was so I was like omg he’s the one who’s underage and yeah 🥲bc usually like once I found out someone was underaged I was like oh hell nah and I would feel nothing like done except now that I have this ocd it sticks longer and it doesn’t go away yk like idk 😭😭
@katr :,) Regardless of false attractions, feelings, or thoughts, you're basically telling yourself what that you wouldn't follow with those actions. Like you said, if he was underaged you would not want anything to do with that. But what's OCD going to do? Doubt, doubt, doubt. It's not going to stop doubting. However, when it does doubt, you can choose to disregard rather than try to figure it all out. Why does this work? Well, you know that this is distressing you. You also know that you don't want these awful thoughts to be true and you would never want to side with those scenarios. What does OCD need to keep the obsessions going? Compulsions. What does it make you do? The compulsions. Don't ever beat yourself up for giving into compulsions. This is a very complicated condition that you didn't choose to go through. Gaining knowledge for all of this can help though. Disregarding those compulsions will make this obsession weaker and make you stronger.
Hi there - I’ve been struggling a lot recently with my OCD as well. I’ve went through ERP and therapy through here and it was very helpful. A long time ago I heard something from a therapist on TikTok along the lines of “our bodies respond to what is sexually relevant, not what we actually value or want.” It is very typical to experience feelings and sensations with this type of OCD. It does not mean you are a monster or a bad person. This disorder is a bully and wants to keep you stuck. It’s hard work to get out on the other side, but I promise you there IS another side. It just takes time to get there. ❤️
I understand what you're saying... sometimes I feel overwhelmed with anxiety and OCD symptoms and get intrusive thoughts about wanting out, which would make me anxious because I don't want to end my life. Please talk to a therapist who specializes in ERP therapy to treat your OCD. Treating your OCD will help you overcome intrusive thoughts. You don't have to live like this, you can live a full and happy life with treatment.
"This sounds like it has been really hard for you. We’re sorry you are going through this difficult time. NOCD is not a crisis service. We will provide you with some resources that may help you address what you are sharing with us. Emergency Phone Numbers: United States - Dial 9-1-1 U.K. - Dial 9-9-9 Australia - Dial 0-0-0 Canada - https://itgetsbettercanada.org/get-help/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Call 800-273-8255 https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org Need Someone To Talk To? Warm Line https://warmline.org/warmdir.html "
I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh
So I had a panic attack a while ago to “kill mom” and I forgot about the thought until a few days later. When it came back I was mentally drained and it lasted for 2 months or more. It eventually went away but it is back. I get other intrusive thoughts but they go away after a hour or so. Why am I stressing over “kill mom” so much. I just get irritated that it won’t go away. I’m beginning to think it’s a different mental illness maybe just anxiety? I’m not sure to be honest. It just appears and sits there and I feel like I’m doomed and a pyscho and worry that I’ll never forget the thought.
Recently ive been getting very scared to even be angry bc of the horrible thoughts I have and it feels even more real when I'm angry or even annoyed. Rn I was not even super annoyed at my neice but I felt a twinge of annoyance since she went up to my face and was yelling at me while I was resting on the bed and I got this image of doing something bad to her and I felt my hand twitch very little. I got nervous and felt relieved when her dad told her to stop screaming for no reason. I've been hyperfocusing on my bodily reactions (mainly my hands or how I'm feeling like did I just enjoy that? Was I considering???) And I've noticed the small twitches whenever I'm mad or annoyed and it's scaring me so bad! Like do I want to act out? Am I holding back??? I used to not even twitch at all when mad and I felt 100% sure I'll never act out but now it feels like I don't know bc what do these twitches mean?, I do know I don't want to ever act out but it's so scary. Recently whenever I feel angry once the argument is over I cry really bad after I'm alone and I pray so i never want or act out. And when the annoyance passes I also feel so guilty and want to stay away. Im scared these are real urges and i research for many many hours to make sure they arent urges or impulses and i also tend to ask chatgpt or here if the anxiety gets so bad 😕
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