- Date posted
- 1y
Does this sound like ocd
Hi people, I’ve been feeling really down lately and am wondering whether I may actually have some form of pure o ocd after doing some research. Just not sure how if it’s just me being a doubtful person/ major over thinker or something a bit more. Some of my experiences which are making me wonder include… in high school I experienced very consuming overthinking around a could areas - humility - I was constantly paranoid I would be perceived as self-absorbed. I would sometimes feel really uncomfortable whenever I would say ‘I’ in a sentence for fear there was too much focus on myself. Embarrassed by achievements and friends dubbed it a ‘humility complex’ - friends - constantly doubting whether a friend actually liked me or if they were just faking it/being nice. Also worried about things like silent pauses and if that would mean the friendship wasn’t real - sexuality. Since realised I’m actually asexual but growing up in a religious household I did not know this. I would be scared to watch movies because of how much time I’d be spending watching the male vs the female and if that would mean I wasn’t straight. Worried about me finding female influencers pretty and then feeling the need to also look at male people to see if I felt the same about them. - people - although I’m aroace, would get attached once in a blue moon to a person emotionally and constantly be thinking about them (like years) and feeling terrible about the fact that I’d never be able to like them in the same way as others. This could last for ages and the person wouldn’t even know me that well Now at uni… - my faith - completely destroyed my faith in a complete existential crisis. Couldn’t put the breaks on endless existential questions, spending hours googling - my love of music (as a music major) - this is affecting me right now terribly. Alway have felt guilty maybe not being as passionate as my peers and now I feel like I can’t even listen to music without thinking about whether or not I’m enjoying it or not and if not, does that mean my passion is gone. Feeling the need to see if I’m following as music people online as my peers. Then I want to avoid things because I feel like any involvement in musical activity is performative :( - mental health - feeling like crap and checking whether I might have depression (so many online quizzes). Then feeling bad because maybe I’m just tricking myself into it and feeling sorry for myself. Thus, not wanting to get help because I’m scared I don’t actually have depression and I’m just either overly self-aware or looking for an excuse for my current laziness/general lacklustre about life. Feeling bad when I am happy because maybe that means when I am depressed ‘I’m just faking it’ I feel the constant need to go in long walks or watch brain dead shorts on social media just to get my brain to be quiet. Feeling very unproductive and I hate it but am not sure if actually I’m just super lazy and directionless Sorry for the long post - a lot has been on my mind, but would appreciate any thoughts