I’ve tried to tell my grandma how bad I feel, that I’m scared that I am a bad person and she tried to reassure me by telling me "as long as you don’t have thoughts about harming people then it’s okay" but I do have very bad intrusive graphic thoughts/images and since then I’ve been feeling even worse. I don’t know what to do, all I’ve been doing since our call is thinking even more about it, reading every pure o article ever written and feeling very anxious when I don’t have the same symptoms as a diagnosed person. I feel hopeless, my brain is literally trying to kill me. I know I’m not supposed to be reassured but I just needed to get that out because I can’t say anything to my family and friends, and it’s driving me insane. I’m so scared of my own mind.

Not everyone is able to understand. That's the hardest part of having OCD: being triggered by the people we love. But if you try to explain to the person who you think to be the most sensible among your beloved ones what's going on in your mind, expecting a certain discretion and gentleness, you could have some kind of comeback. You don't need to tell the obsessions, if you just don't feel like. But some little support can help so much. I'm still very secretive about my rOCD, I'm pretty picky about the people whom I choose to reveal my thoughts to, but sometimes it helps. Keep fighting

I'm guessing your grandma, being a grandma, is and elderly lady and therefore comes from a generation who were not made aware of mental illness like we are today. Therefore it's understandable that she may not understand what you are going through as she wont be as familiar and probably less educated with such issues! Ocd is probably one of the most misunderstood mental health concerns aswell. You are not your thoughts you are your values.

My personal experience: I've told my mom that I have been always doubting of all my intimate relationships, and she was like 'even with your current bf? ?' and I was like 'omg now she thinks that i'm not happy enough with him' and that triggered me for the whole day. I think that if I told her that's because of rOCD, she would be like 'don't be silly you are not mentally ill you're just too picky' and that would trigger me x38394993. She loves me so much, but she has some certains patterns that prevent her to be open-minded about this topic.

First of all, realize that you are not a bad person. OCD obsessions are ego - dystonic, which means that they don't allow with your personal desires for life. There is nothing wrong with you, OCD is about a chemical imbalance in the brain and luckily, it can be treated. You must find an OCD therapist to help you. If you can't afford therapy, there is a youtube channel called "Restored Minds". It is helping me a lot with my recovery from OCD. Watch the videos from the beginning and stay positive. You are not alone, about 3% of the population suffer from this disorder. It can be treated and you will achieve victory!

Thank you so much for all the replies, it helped a lot. I’ll keep your words in mind. I think my insurance covers everything so I just have to find an ocd therapist, since my current one isn’t specialised. Thank you again for taking the time to answer me, it really means a lot.