I’ve tried to tell my grandma how bad I feel, that I’m scared that I am a bad person and she tried to reassure me by telling me "as long as you don’t have thoughts about harming people then it’s okay" but I do have very bad intrusive graphic thoughts/images and since then I’ve been feeling even worse. I don’t know what to do, all I’ve been doing since our call is thinking even more about it, reading every pure o article ever written and feeling very anxious when I don’t have the same symptoms as a diagnosed person. I feel hopeless, my brain is literally trying to kill me. I know I’m not supposed to be reassured but I just needed to get that out because I can’t say anything to my family and friends, and it’s driving me insane. I’m so scared of my own mind.

"Pure" OCD

damosuzuki

Date posted: 5y

Not everyone is able to understand. That's the hardest part of having OCD: being triggered by the people we love. But if you try to explain to the person who you think to be the most sensible among your beloved ones what's going on in your mind, expecting a certain discretion and gentleness, you could have some kind of comeback. You don't need to tell the obsessions, if you just don't feel like. But some little support can help so much. I'm still very secretive about my rOCD, I'm pretty picky about the people whom I choose to reveal my thoughts to, but sometimes it helps. Keep fighting

Swizzle65

Date posted: 5y

I'm guessing your grandma, being a grandma, is and elderly lady and therefore comes from a generation who were not made aware of mental illness like we are today. Therefore it's understandable that she may not understand what you are going through as she wont be as familiar and probably less educated with such issues! Ocd is probably one of the most misunderstood mental health concerns aswell. You are not your thoughts you are your values.

damosuzuki

Date posted: 5y

My personal experience: I've told my mom that I have been always doubting of all my intimate relationships, and she was like 'even with your current bf? ?' and I was like 'omg now she thinks that i'm not happy enough with him' and that triggered me for the whole day. I think that if I told her that's because of rOCD, she would be like 'don't be silly you are not mentally ill you're just too picky' and that would trigger me x38394993. She loves me so much, but she has some certains patterns that prevent her to be open-minded about this topic.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

First of all, realize that you are not a bad person. OCD obsessions are ego - dystonic, which means that they don't allow with your personal desires for life. There is nothing wrong with you, OCD is about a chemical imbalance in the brain and luckily, it can be treated. You must find an OCD therapist to help you. If you can't afford therapy, there is a youtube channel called "Restored Minds". It is helping me a lot with my recovery from OCD. Watch the videos from the beginning and stay positive. You are not alone, about 3% of the population suffer from this disorder. It can be treated and you will achieve victory!

lilye

Date posted: 5y

Thank you so much for all the replies, it helped a lot. I’ll keep your words in mind. I think my insurance covers everything so I just have to find an ocd therapist, since my current one isn’t specialised. Thank you again for taking the time to answer me, it really means a lot.

Brigitta

Date posted: 25w

OCD takes over me

I feel like one of the worst things about ocd are the disturbing images or the ‘little movies’ that replay in your head over and over again. I have the worst sexual images with one of my family members that actually so bad that I can’t even look in the mirror. And it’s even worse that I have a lovely boyfriend and I’m so disgusted of myself that I feel like I don’t deserve him and I feel like I can’t be with him because of these thoughts, even he is the most precious thing in my life. These sexual images are so horrible and what makes it even worse that in these pictures I always see myself as someone who enjoys it. I know how to deal with this anymore. My mind is trying to convince me that that I actually like these images and thoughts and this is the hardest part, that I’m doubting myself. These images pop up in my head so naturally that I always question myself if I actually don’t like it why it comes so naturally or how can my brain picture things like this if I don’t like it. It’s getting worse day by day. It’s in my head 24/7, can’t concentrate on anything else, I can’t eat because I’m constantly throwing up. And my mom has to sleep with me every night because I’m so disturbed by my own mind. My parents know that there’s something wrong with me, they think I’m depressed but sadly It’s not something I can talk openly about with them. I’m seeing a therapist next week but I’m genuinely scared to open up about these thoughts that I’m having.

flowerpetals

Date posted: 18w

frustrating

harm ocd is the bane of my existence. people always tell me that if you have anxiety over a thought, that’s ocd. and these intrusive thoughts cause me IMMENSE anxiety. i’m constantly looking for reasons why i’m not what these thoughts tell me i am. but WHY DOES IT FEEL SO REAL?? it’s like i can’t reassure myself that this isn’t me and i don’t want to do it, but i also look for reasons why it’s not me. my brain is constantly telling me “if you don’t act on this, you’ll never feel free”. WHAT EVEN IS THAT?? and why does it feel real?? anytime i think about getting therapy, i constantly think that it’s not going to help me positively but help me realize i am this person. i just wish someone with harm ocd could get into my brain, understand me, and tell me everything will be okay. i wish someone in recovery could tell me that they’ve been where i am, felt the same feelings, thought the same thoughts, and got through it when they thought they wouldn’t. i feel like i’m drowning in it. another thing is i think about how my mom knows a surface level understanding to this form of my ocd, but if she knew it all, i’m scared she’d never look at me the same. i’m scared she’d be scared of me and think i need psychiatric help. IM TERRIFIED.

Harm OCD

alyssa_h

Date posted: 16w

i can’t do this much longer

i’m having a full on panic attack, i never used to be like this, what tf is happening to me, why am i like this, i’m so convinced i’m a horrible person and i deserve to be shut out forever because of my thoughts, i’m tired of struggling with harm ocd, i’m scared that because i have mental health issues i’m gonna end up ki!!ing someone someday or end up on the news, when i was at work earlier i kept thinking “how easy would it be to ki!! someone and get away with it” someone help, i don’t feel normal, am i crazy?… 😭😭i know that with ocd you’re not supposed to have reassurance and you have to be “okay” with the situation but.. how am i supposed to be okay with feeling like i could hurt someone…

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