Why do I fear delusions despite knowing my thoughts are irrational?

Fear of delusions/ SchizOCD

Disclaimer, I am diagnosed with OCD, GAD, PTSD, ADHD, Panic Disorder and hypochondria. I’ve been in the midst of what I hope and pray is just an extremely debilitating health ocd theme for about 4 months now, where I’ve basically convinced myself I am in the midst of psychosis or developing schizophrenia or a related disorder. I obsess over it day and night to the point where I can’t even function hardly. Constantly researching symptoms and seeking reassurance. Ive been having this weird symptom where my ear canal will randomly feel this pressure/ticklish sensation and I start to become hyperaware of the hole in my ear, and I get this weird tense feeling almost like I’m expecting someone to stick their finger in my ear or expecting something to go inside of it, this weird sensation almost makes me want to cover my ear but I never do. But when I get this weird ear feeling I get absolutely ridiculous crazy thoughts like “what if a demon is trying to get inside your ear” and I’m like WTF why would I even think of that, I don’t even believe in demons or religious stuff like that to begin with. I recognize that the thought is nonsense and FAR out of the realm of reality and makes zero sense.The fact that I would even have a thought like that to begin with scares the f**k out of me! I have never ever had thoughts like this before. YET now whenever I get that weird sensation in my ear I still get intense anxiety, why? Why do I still get such crippling fear from this ear sensation even if I don’t believe the thoughts? Why would my brain even come up with a thought like that in the first place? I’m so terrified of schizophrenia and psychosis, I don’t want to lose my mind ): I have a wife and so many dreams. I’m so scared of losing it. Has someone ever experienced anything remotely similar to this? I know this is very far fetched.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey! I have a fear of having schizophrenia also. I am constantly thinking about it. It also makes me so scared for the future. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one scared of this either. Wishing you the best.

Username: ilovestevienicksilovestevien...

Date posted: 1y ago

Have the same thing, and I totally sympathize with you. I think it’s worth approaching those illnesses with a bit of grace. People with schizophrenia live pretty comfortable lives with right medications, and psychosis isn’t the end of the world. There multiple treatments for multiple illnesses out there. (The joy of medicine and therapy!) Also, this post feels like you’re seeking reassurance, we know better than to let OCD start with trap doors, so let’s sit with that feeling of anxiety and uncertainty. Feel it through your body, and stretch your limbs and muscles. And remember to breathe. I’m sorry if this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but the need for certainty will pass. You will be okay, regardless of the outcome.

Username: ~Zaf~~Zaf~

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

First of all, you are not alone. And rest assured there are several recorded cases of people manifesting real schizophrenic like symptoms that dissipated once they got better. The mind is extremely powerful and unfortunately has the power to effect our reality if we get into a bad headspace. The fact that you feel anxiety and recognise the odd nature of these thoughts should be telling evidence for yourself about the likely nature of these feelings. You have such a strong fear of loss, loss of dreams, family, control and future which is feeding the OCD. And it may sound impossible but what you need to do is start to chip away at the fear you feel and start putting the OCD on a diet. This is essentially the ERP model, where you say things like "I may become schizophrenic". You have to accept that there are no certainties in life, if you developed schizophrenia there is literally nothing you could have done to change that, so why torture yourself all day everyday? You would get treatment, your family would still love you and you would be OK. However, I will reiterate that your symptoms don't sound like schizophrenia. It sounds like a mix of obsessional thinking and intrusive thoughts, both being fed by anxiety. I experience this exact type of OCD and it sucks. I don't know if this app has private messaging but feel free to reach out if you need.

Username: mrselfdestruct1994mrselfdestru...

Date posted: 1y ago

@~Zaf~ Bless you man. Seriously, thank you very much. That’s some of the most valuable advice I’ve ever received since I started going through this. I appreciate you taking the time to even type that all out for me.

Username: mrselfdestru...

Date posted: 50w ago

fear of schizophrenia/ocd mimicking psychosis?

Hello, I have hypochondria, gad, ptsd, and panic disorder. For the past 5 months I have been in a deep episode of what I’m hoping is just hypochondria where I’ve fully convinced myself I’m psychotic/developing schizophrenia. This theme has become so debilitating I lost my job and was completely bed bound for a while. Anyway, I have the extreme fear of developing delusions and hallucinations, so I’m constantly on the look out for symptoms like that. For whatever reason I have become extremely sensitive and afraid of anything demonic or horror related, I literally used to be a horror junkie, listen to Marilyn Manson etc. I am literally an atheist, I don’t even believe in the devil or superstitious things like this, but for some reason I have started getting extremely fear inducing demonic type intrusive thoughts, like one night I had the terrifying thought “what if my wife is possessed by a demon and isn’t really my wife” this thought scared the fuck out of me and actually changed my behavior towards my wife and gave me a panic attack, the fear of that later passed, but the uneasy feeling still linger. I’ve been getting all sorts of terrible demonic type intrusive thoughts like that about everybody and random places and even objects and they cause a panic attack everytime I get them, it used to be a panic attack about struggling to fight the urge to believe these thoughts but now I feel like it’s gotten to the point where it just straight up feels like it’s happening and I’m afraid for real and not even questioning the thoughts anymore. I’ve completely stopped listening to any music that references the devil or any type of media that may have dark references, to avoid getting these types of thoughts. When I am not anxious and I take my anxiety medicine (clonazepam) I can laugh these thoughts off and confidently shrug them off as ridiculous, but other times it feels real!Why is this happening to me? Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and do not believe in superstitious things like this, why am I suddenly afraid of things like this? And better yet why do they scare me and “feel real” if I don’t believe them. I feel like I’m fighting for my sanity every single day. I literally dread the anticipation of getting these thoughts. These strange new fears about demonic shit is only solidifying my root fear that I am developing psychosis. Can anyone please help me?

Username: mrselfdestru...

Date posted: 50w ago

Can health ocd mimick symptoms?

Username: mrselfdestru...

Date posted: 48w ago

schizOCD please help

To start off, yes I have a therapist, yes I have a psychiatrist and so far I am only diagnosed with ptsd, ocd, gad, hypochondriasis, and panic disorder. So for the past 5 months I’ve been dealing with a terrible ocd/hypochondria theme where I have COMPLETELY convinced myself I am in the beginning stages of schizophrenia or some other related horrific psychotic disorder. Ive read way too much on common delusions, symptoms, hallucinations, personal stories, Reddit stories etc. Anyway, for some reason my ocd has really latched on to the common symptom schizophrenics have which are religious delusions, at least I hope it’s just my ocd and not actually schizophrenia. Everyday I get these terrible existential/demonic “delusional thoughts”. Like “what if my wife is a demon” “what if my cat is a demon” “this song has demonic energy” “the face that person made was demonic” “this house has negative demonic energy” “what if you are possessed” “what if these ugly brown mushrooms growing in your yard are a sign of demonic energy”, shit like that. Literally everything I look at now has some sort of “negative energy” or feels eerie or “demonic”, everything I look at always has to have some sort of malicious intent or negative undertone, I can’t watch anything on YouTube anymore, I can’t listen to my favorite bands anymore like Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden etc, these thoughts have made me become so avoidant of dark things and even normal light hearted things! Now first off, I am a literal atheist, I am a complete skeptic, I have never ever been superstitious. I was a huge Marilyn Manson fan in my teens, I’m a horror movie junkie( or at least I used to be before this theme took over), i literally have shirts with pentagrams and upside down crosses etc. why has my ocd suddenly branched off into this religious ocd/delusional thinking? Is this maybe a dp/dr thing too? It literally feels like I am in a horror movie, when I’m really REALLY spiraling and ruminating hard, it feels like I’m in another world filled with pure DREAD and horror.I know for sure that every single one of these thoughts and feelings are untrue and very unlikely when I’m not as panicked but when I’m in deep rumination/obsession it seriously makes me question what I believe. I do not believe any of these thoughts at all when I’m calm! Yet the fear they create and the vibes that accompany them make it feel real. When I’m in full blown panic and start to spiral really bad sometimes I feel like I almost believe these thoughts, and feel paranoid almost, when the anxiety and fear passes though I can have a brief moment of clarity where I can laugh these thoughts off and almost be myself again, but it’s very short lived before these thoughts start creeping back up. The content of the thoughts is scaring me but the fact that I’m even having these types of thoughts and fears in the first place is scaring me even more because it is reinforcing my fears that I am becoming schizophrenic/psychotic. Why have I suddenly become like this? I can’t enjoy anything anymore without getting these awful awful thoughts. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this?

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Why do I fear delusions despite knowing my thoughts are irrational?

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