Anxious as Always

I’m in a very abusive relationship with someone that has PDA. Literally all I can do is stay in the bedroom and pray that he goes outside to leave me in the filth he creates in a petty manic state within the household. He wakes up IMMEDIATELY hating life and he triggers me purposely by being incredibly rude, loud, stomping, slamming cabinets, throwing trash everywhere… He knows I’m OCD diagnosed and autistic but because I gave up on him and decided to allow him to live in his truth, not have a romantic relationship and NOT be his mother (who’s just as manic bipolar as he is and even more of a hoarder) he punishes me by doing the upmost. It wasn’t like this.. and he wasn’t always on the couch, but he kept getting so upset that I would get up and start cleaning (of course with a passive aggressive attitude over the blatant disrespect of THE ABOMINATION I had to wake up to) while he slept all day until 2pm and say things like, “no one asked you to stress yourself over this!” Pissed that I wouldn’t be in bed, rubbing his back, making his sleep easier after his drugged out night. Doesn’t even care that I SOLELY have our daughter being the ONLY ONE that EVER GETS UP AND CHANGES//FEEDS HER. I’m so tired. 😣😭 I’m SO TIRED. He stabs walls, counters, break cabinets, punches and kicks doors.. I just sit quietly in my tidy room until he leaves but I’m SO FED UP, I let him live in it. I couldn’t beat ‘em.. so I stopped fighting.

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spookycupcake

Date posted: 1y

This is horrible I’m so sorry, you and your child don’t deserve to live or be treated this way. I think for your own safety it’s really really important that you talk to a domestic abuse resource and decide with them if it’s safe for you to leave him and if so, with their guidance, to get far away from him

MelaninMoet

Date posted: 1y

@spookycupcake I agree. If there was room in the shelter I would have gone. Most are just too far away from my son, rather than him staying here to see this allowed him to live with my mother to go to school,, but I’m definitely on that path. I’m only here out of convenience. It’s too cold to house hop with a nine month old 😔

spookycupcake

Date posted: 1y

@MelaninMoet Yeah, that must be really difficult 😞 I wish the best for you and your son I really hope there is some sort of community resource that can help get you out of there, I know there is a domestic abuse hotline you can look up but I don’t know much beyond that

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Do you come to the moms with ocd group ? Hope to see you there sometime 🫶🏻

MelaninMoet

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I’d love to join 😩🥰

MelaninMoet

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I couldn’t find it. Could you possibly lead me to it?

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

What ever you do DO NOT STOP FIGHTING! You are stronger than you think! You are a warrior, a survivor! Your story speaks volumes to all the women in your same situation. Feelings of being stuck, confused, and broken, not knowing what to do or who to turn to. I know how debilitating these feelings are. Try to find the strength within you to make a change. Look at your daughter and know she needs a healthier you and environment. Your love for her can help you move mountains.

MelaninMoet

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous 🥺😩😭😭 omg, I never broke down off of an encouraging comment before. 😭🤧 thank you so much for these words, you have NO idea how much this really truly and honestly meant to me.

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