Hey y’all please send happy stories about recovery and the possibility of stepping out and healing from constant suicidal mindset. Or healing from anything, really. Would love to hear positive outcomes from this suffering. Also please say affirming /reassuring things about how “mental health” struggles are real and horrible and it’s valid to have a harder time with life because of them. THANKSSSSS
So I've cut my wrists in the past and had a hilariously bad and also terrifying attempt at hanging myself. That's all in my past now. So I'm 34 and basically had ocd undiagnosed for 27 years. Triggered when I was 6 when I almost killed my brother by pushing off a slide, I meant to push him down but he went over the edge and fractured his skull on concrete. It was his 3rd birthday. I was talking about suicide at the age of 6 and the worst part for me that triggered the ocd was lying to my parents about what happened, not actually what happened. Held myself accountable for more and more things over years and years and knew somewwasnt quite right with me. I'd reassurance seek in a way when I did talk to people I'd want to be proved wrong, rather than being proved right. Fast forward to this year. I meet a woman, outgoing, positive, absolutely beautiful and amazing. She pushed my boundaries in so many ways and stressed me out so much because she wanted me to get better and I knew it. I fell for her, we did love each other but she said she's not patient enough for someone to get better which is fair enough. The way I am, I wouldn't mind if she was dating someone else or whatever as long as they treated her right. I didn't want to be in a relationship with her either regardless of how I felt. She did something that clashed with my ocd really badly and I lashed out, verbally but I felt mental. Your ocd will try protect itself from threats. She threatened it. Anyway, we haven't spoke in months. I realised my ocd has sabotaged every single relationship I've had. This was the last straw and I got therapy. I was seeking therapy before but the timing was unfortunate with her as it didn't come around soon enough. My therapist used my heartbreak with her as exposure and response therapy and went over things that was holdwme back and learning to forgive my younger self. She almost cried a few times because she knew it would be tough on me but all I kept repeating to myself is "I will get better, nothing or nobody will stop me". When I struggled and was at my breaking point in ERP I remembered her. When I was at the gym and at my limit, I remembered her, and pushed forward to go past my limits of comfort. When I was looking at stats for ocd they were rubbish. 1.2% of the population have it. 10% of those seek therapy to get better. 10% of those who seeks therapy get better with a minimum of 6-12months. I thought to myself "F*** that". I'm going to be different. I will prove you can do better. So just a summary, I had this undiagnosed for 27 years. People have served less time for murder. I Had intrusive thoughts in many forms including voices that did not feel like my own. "attempted" suicide which I regret. Literally couldn't feel nerves or anxiety because my brain rewired to see it as a threat. Couldn't even identify love sometimes because my ocd was "protecting" me With the therapy I got a general idea of how erp worked and then used a phobia I had as a Guinea pig. Casadastraphobia. Had this for about 15 years. Got rid of it in 4. Had a friend with me just in case. Anwyay. 3 months later I'm better. No mess, did loads of erp even on things that weren't ocd related. Change your relationship with fear, stress and anxiety. I beat the stats. So can you
Quick note. When I remembered my friend when struggling and pushed past it, that eventually changed to "I want to get better for me"
Got rid of the phobia in 4 minutes *
Before i feel very suicidal i still feel it, but now when i feel it, i think i wanted to hurt someone else, i don't know the reason of it
I just completed a check in with my therapist today so naturally I reflected on my journey with OCD. Summer/Fall of 2023 feels like a swath of darkness. Bombarded with horrible intrusive thoughts, I thought my life was over. I did not see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hated myself. Life lost meaning for me and it felt as if every hope and dream was shattered. Needless to say my life was lost to me during a time when I should have been enjoying it the most. I was post grad with a good job lined up. But none of it mattered- my mind was as broken. Thank God, I had some small voice in me that urged me forward and to get help. So I did. I felt so scared and unsure. Was I doing the wrong thing going to therapy? I was not. It was the best decision I made for myself. Fast forward to nearly two years later, my life couldn’t be more different. I see and feel the light. I have so much love and gratitude for myself and for everyone who helped me along the journey. My therapist, my family, all the brave content creators who openly speak about their experiences, no matter how taboo. I won’t lie, it was a lot of work. And I had to learn to be uncomfortable and deal with frustrations. I had to learn to trust myself. I still deal with sticky and intrusive thoughts but my response and my daily life despite them can not be more different. So I am here to be proof to you that there is so much hope. If you don’t have the little voice in you urging you forward, than I will be just that. Go to therapy, get help, put in the work. It is so worth it. Every time there is a setback, and there will be many, push through. Feel free to ask questions! But no reassurance will be given.
Hi - I’m new here but I’m going through this right now and was wondering if anyone can share their harm ocd recovery stories and what your experience was like. Thank you (:
Trigger Warning: Suicide I’m 21(Female) just for reference Anyone else struggling with OCD so much to where you feel so isolated, confused, burnout, suffering & in astonishing emotional pain & agony. I promise yall aren’t alone in the feelings. I promise you there is someone going through similar, obviously our lives aren’t identical, but our struggles can be very similar. It’s even harder dealing with trauma, split parents, abusive parent(s), a sick parent at the same time as all of this. It feels like God or the universe just WANTS you to struggle. Like it’s punishment for something you did as a kid or teenager. I’m dealing with all this exactly. Sometimes I just want support. So I hope this message can be support for someone struggling too & hope it helps them be able to breathe a little easier & gives them strength to go on another day. I just would like to mention if you have access to therapy take advantage of it. The therapists are not there to judge you but I promise it’s a them issue & you’re not a horrible person. When I used to think of suicide often I started to think less “doomsdayish” & realized that I wont know how my life will turn out if I just give up. If you give up you won’t ever know. Whether your situation will improve, & all the fear in your heart just gone. You could miss out on that freedom and happiness you’ve been waiting for in this current life we are living. One last thing I want to point out that I’ve thought about is that we don’t know how many more people are out there struggling with this. I think they’re maybe afraid of judgement. Basically what I’m implying is I feel like there are so many others out there who don’t want to speak up & are struggling with this. Everything on their conscious being afraid to even write it down. I just feel in my heart that there are others who keep these issues to themselves. I think I feel it in my heart because that was me once. Feeling like my story was different, afraid at thought of even telling a stranger(therapist) who could judge me. I did not want to be perceived badly. I’m 21 years old & wish I had the courage to speak up sooner I feel like I could’ve started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel sooner but that’s okay. Speak up for you, you do not have to wake up in fear everyday or contemplate suicide everyday. Even if it feels like you’re your only cheerleader. Sending a virtual hug to all because I know what it’s like to just want to be held & told that everything is going to work out. you never know what others are going through, be the person who isn’t afraid to extend your heart to others, try & breathe a little more, take care of yourselves, remember you aren’t alone no matter your situation, stay strong To the suicidal person reading this, you’re resilient & strong. Sending a virtual hug❤️.
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