The Calm Until The Polluted Storm

There’s always that sense of relief after moments of passive aggression in an abusive, toxic “relationship”.. Where you get into your spat and there’s no order. You become silent and avoidant but then you make it over that hump; making the rest of the day easier. It’s easy for me to breathe until the intrusive thoughts happen: “He’s only doing this because he wants to have sex with you. He’s not a good father. He doesn’t care about you or your daughter. This is manipulation.. the kids cleaning, the candy…ALL OF IT. You have to run or he’ll kill you one day all because you won’t interact with him. He’s going to hurt me again. It’s just a matter of time before he bullies me and taunts me and makes the house unlivable.”

Shellcat

Date posted: 2y

If you are being abused by your partner/husband you should report him for domestic violence. The. State that I live in has a crisis center; a safe haven for women amd children who are living with domestic abuse. I'm not sure if I understand your post, but noone should have to live in a place where they're afraid. 😪

MelaninMoet

Date posted: 2y

@Shellcat There’s no funds or shelters with spots near me rn. I’ve been there before but it literally lasted two days because people were getting sick with Covid and my OCD made me so afraid of my son (I let him stay with my mother while I’m here, he’s seven) playing with the children that were the REASON everyone was sick and the mother got offended and started yelling and banging on my door WITHOUT HER MASK I MIGHT ADD.. to tell me off. Cops were called and we were kicked out because she didn’t know how tf to act. She was filthy and her kids always had snot and were running around. I just- it was a lot with my disorder. But I’d go again! Better than this… Covid isn’t that bad now but it’s getting cold. Idk. I don’t want to give up all my things.

MelaninMoet

Date posted: 2y

@Shellcat Also, he has a case with the state for beating me while pregnant. I didn’t need to file charges when they took my statements at the hospital. I was almost seven months then. I know it’s dumb to be here. 😣 I had no where to go at the time but I speak to my family now and they’re trying their BEST to help me as fast as they can. I may be out of here sooner than 2024. I just have to hold out and be quiet.

Shellcat

Date posted: 2y

*and children. Sorry about the typos.

Wolfram

Date posted: 2y

I don't know if I've got this right but the thoughts upset you and wind you up until you're so stressed you argue and then feel better after? It might be a compulsion? I discovered that for my ocd. Lashed out a lot but never knew why

MelaninMoet

Date posted: 2y

@Invalid No, we were in this passive avoidant” situation until he broke the ice and FINALLY told the kids to clean his messes around the house knowing that the messes were the only thing keeping me avoidant and remaining in the room. So it was a small relief from it, making the day easier for me to get through because he was FINALLY showing effort to clean up.

MelaninMoet

Date posted: 2y

@Invalid I never lash out. Im really passive aggressive/avoidant because he has no issue dragging out an argument screaming at the closed door at me. his verbal abuse has lead to physical when I literally just walk away (he sees it as disrespectful).. I never lash out. I leave it to him and go back to my daughter in the bedroom.

Wolfram

Date posted: 2y

@MelaninMoet I'm sorry to hear that. Have you called local charities for advice? Some require zero details and you can use an alias if you're more comfortable. I've helped people in similar situations and it worked for them

MelaninMoet

Date posted: 2y

@Invalid I haven’t lately in hopes of just getting housed. Honestly it’s just emotional and verbal abuse lately. He hasn’t put his hands on me in about five months or so.

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