- Date posted
- 1y
feeling like a bad person?
so i just recently had my first kiss and i’m glad that it happened cause i honestly just wanted to get it over with, but afterwards i had a huge wave of uncertainty and fear surrounding it specifically with contamination but also feeling really guilty for some reason. Part of this i think stems from the fact that I do not sit in my bed until i’m in my pajamas, showered, and about to go to sleep, but we sat on my bed and watched a movie (so the first part of my worries is about my bed being contaminated and the second part is that i compromised my “moral standards” although i know this is irrational). On top of all this i also have trouble feeling like a different person (like i don’t ever want to do anything that feels like i have changed or am different now) and this situation is making me feel like i’m a different person because i’ve never been in a relationship and now i feel like i shouldn’t want to be in a relationship or even that i would be ready because of how fixated i have been on this situation this week. also im pretty sure this person doesn’t want to be in a relationship which i am glad for because i don’t think i could deal with that right now but i think that’s also contributing to me feeling like a bad person, because i have such a strict image of what a first kiss should be like (basically being in a relationship with someone) but the more rational part of me is saying that this idea isn’t really realistic. Sorry for the super long post i just needed to vent or maybe get advice from someone who had a similar situation?