anybody else, while in recovery of a flare up question if they even have OCD or just anxiety became out of whack and then start questioning themselves and get nervous because they might be getting treated for the wrong thing? This is talking a toll on me ..
yup this is so common! you're not alone
@ap_ Thanks so much for your response. OCD is something else!
Yes. I start wondering if I even have OCD or if I really am evil and lying to myself.
@Catlove9 Smh! This is something else
@QueenE1998 It’s very terrifying because I’m not sure what to believe.
@Catlove9 You know deep down inside what to do.
@QueenE1998 Don’t let OCD fool you.
@QueenE1998 You’re right. Even though sometimes it’s so hard to do it!
@Catlove9 Trust me I know. I’ve been battling with my mind asking me am I a pedo when I KNOW
@QueenE1998 I would NEVER ! I work with kids, I always loved kids! I would never hurt a child.
And I am a mother so it bothers me a lot I just have to try and ignore it
@QueenE1998 Sorry. I meant it’s hard to sit with the anxiety instead of giving into compulsions.
@Catlove9 Must of got it confused you said you don’t know what to believe so I was telling you mine and I know it’s just thoughts and to leave it alone and don’t bother with them. It’s hard but it will get better
@QueenE1998 Yah sorry about the miscommunication! I get Harm ocd and it scares me because I’d NEVER want to hurt anyone but the ocd makes me feel like I want to. It’s absolutely terrifying. I try and sit with the anxiety and the thoughts but then my anxiety increases.
@Catlove9 I’m sorry, it will get better I promise. Have you had a flare up before?
@QueenE1998 Yah definitely. I’m 36 now and I would say I’ve had OCD my whole life. Harm didn’t enter the picture until I was 31 and it’s been on and off for about 5 years now.
@Catlove9 Well that’s good to know it goes off and on because yeah, I’m 25 and this is my first time. I had OCD about other stuff but not this for sure
@QueenE1998 Yup! Harm OCD has been the hardest for me. However, false memory is right there, too.
@Catlove9 How long does the on usually last for you?
@QueenE1998 It can be months at a time to be honest.
@Catlove9 It’s been 2 for me ! Ugh.
@QueenE1998 That’s pretty normal. Are you doing ERP?
@Catlove9 I am about to start. I mean I do ERP everyday around my daughter and other kids , and you know real life stuff but not with a therapist . Maybe why my anxiety is decreasing but the thoughts are still popping up sometimes, not the thoughts itself , I get anxious I will have the thoughts before they even start.
@QueenE1998 That happens to me as well. I’m kind of stuck right now because I try to do the ERP tactics, but I just feel like the anxiety is increasing and it’s making the thoughts feel more real.
@Catlove9 Do you have a therapist? Are you on medication?
@QueenE1998 I do have a therapist. I’m not on medication though. Are you?
@Catlove9 No , no meds . Just therapy for now
@QueenE1998 Does your anxiety ever get super bad? Or does it hum in the background?
@Catlove9 Yesterday it did , I start crying so bad because I just want to get better and I’m scared I’m not going to get better . I keep worrying about my mental state and where I was before it and how I was so happy, so yeah. I broke down. I still feel it this morning . But I got over it and went to sleep..
@QueenE1998 I go through the exact same thing. I worry I’ll never get better and if kind of sends me spiraling.
@Catlove9 But you did before, so your going to be fine.
@QueenE1998 You’re right!
i have been diagnosed with OCD & generalized anxiety disorder. for some reason, i’ve been very hyper aware of everything. like the way i talk, the way i see the world, how certain things sound/look/feel, and it’s very distressing. i feel like the hyper awareness makes me afraid of things? like for some reason, my mind attached to cartoons, and i was hyperfocusing on it, and got extremely scared, like scared of the cartoon for no reason? i’ve done this a lot, and i get scared i have psychosis or schizophrenia, or something that makes you afraid of things for no unknown reason. i feel so scared that this is my new normal…. im heartbroken. so many what if’s. did i just ruin my own life?? 💔
Hey all, I’ve been having some ebbs and flows in recovery, but for the most part I’ve really had a lot of improvements in quality of life since starting treatment in 2023. Something that really trips me up is ruminating on my past and looking for “evidence” or “proof” that the things that I’m obsessed with are real and not OCD. I spend quite a lot of time doing this. I wasn’t fully aware I was doing it until recently. Example: that I’m secretly gay and lying to everyone (I’m bi), that I’m a horrible person deep down, that I’ve never actually loved any person including my family, that I have the “wrong” political or religious beliefs. I look for proof in every corner of my past. It makes some sense that I think this way because with my previous therapist, who I saw for 8 years and did not diagnose me with OCD, we would look for evidence and proof that my obsessions are irrational and I learned to deal with them that way. At the time it was a lot of health concern and contamination themes, but I literally learned to ruminate and search for relief. But I just kept getting sicker and sicker until I got diagnosed with OCD. It’s a frustrating compulsion that keeps showing up for me. What if these scary things are true? What if it’s not OCD at all and I’m in denial? Have I lied my way into thinking I have OCD? It’s so hard. Anyway, I’m curious if anyone else has come across this in recovery? Let me know your thoughts and I hope you’re well. ❤️
Hi!! My names Calista R. Woodbury-Rabon. I recently got married in March of this year. And have been struggling with my severe anxiety disorder since I left my toxic 3 year relationship about a year ago. Over the past several months, I have noticed that I go through phases where: I have a full body “anxiety attack”. Or at least that’s what I call it. For example : when we went to cookout and they told us they were out of the chili for walking tacos. I had a full blown anxiety attack or at least what I thought was an anxiety attack and starting hyperventilating and crying. Therefore, the only solution (in my mind) was that I wouldn’t be able to calm down until I had the walking tacos. Another example : My husband bought me a pajama set that was only recently put out because it was a patriotic item which means that after the summer it’d be gone… I ended up picking up the wrong size. So that night when I went to put on the Pajamas and realized they were too small I started hyperventilating and crying. All because these $17 pajamas did not fit me and it was no fault of my own. Whenever this happens, I usually end up spiraling and crying and saying a lot at once very quickly. And I usually look crazy and don’t make a lot of sense. Usually after the spiraling is over with I’m very exhausted and usually will cry myself to sleep. My husband more often than not will say stuff like “it’s not that big of a deal you can get something else.” << when it has to do with food etc. OR “we can just buy another set of pjamas the next time I get paid.” << in relation to the pajamas in this instance. But honestly no matter what him or anyone else tells me in that moment. All that matters is that I can feel the anxiety in my bones. And I can’t breathe and in that moment my world as I know it has ended. I’ve tried taking online free “quizzes” to find out if I acctually have OCD and they’ve been negative. I also did some research and learned that you can have all the symptoms for a OCD “flare-up” but present no active case of OCD or symptoms. So I guess what I’m trying to find out is if I don’t have “OCD” than Is this out of body experience caused from my “severe anxiety disorder” diagnosis ? Or just anxiety in general?? Thank you for taking the time to read this even if you also aren’t sure!! Means a lot to me..❤️🩹
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