I have violent intrusive thoughts of killing my mom or killing people or harming my pets. I’ve been dealing with this for 10 years now, but it keeps getting worse. I keep taking medication but it’s not working.
We have talked before. Yes I have this. You probably need a therapist instead of meds. You need to change your way of thinking. Yes it is easier said than done.
@JamesMY Yes, I’m trying to be positive but my intrusive thought just keeps on coming in. I get scared and I have a panic attack. I cannot afford a therapist who specialize in OCD I want to, but I cannot afford it because of my other bills.
@Edwin P - I understand this, I do. I can't find an OCD therapist either.
@JamesMY How long have you been dealing with this type of OCD?
@Edwin P - I've had this for 28 years. Not continuously. It came and went in intensity. Had it bad in 1995, 1999, 2005, 2006, 2010 and for the past year.
@JamesMY you have been having this since I was even born I was born 2001 and had my first episode OCD when I was 11
@Edwin P - Yes, but you were just 11 when yours manifested. I was 19. I have been living with it longer, but you will beat me in that department. It's a living hell.
@JamesMY It is like living in hell I would not wish this to my worst enemy
@JamesMY It brings on so much anxiety, so many doubts, etc.
@Edwin P - It changes everything you thought was true. I used to find refuge in sleeping, but now I have trouble with that
@JamesMY What do you mean about you thoughts were true
@Edwin P - What I am saying harm ocd makes you doubt everything about your life.
@JamesMY That’s definitely true I experience this every day
@JamesMY We should be friends I need a friend
@Edwin P - Are you on any social media?
@JamesMY Yes
@JamesMY Do you have Instagram so I can follow you? My name is Edwin Perez on my Instagram
@Edwin P - I don't have it but I'll create an account and find you
@JamesMY What type of social media do you have?
@Edwin P - Facebook
@JamesMY I could give you my phone number and I sent you the link over that
@JamesMY I do have Facebook
@Edwin P - Ok sure
@Edwin P - Ok
I too have struggled with this type of OCD. I have had these thoughts about my girlfriend, mom, cat, everything that I hold dear and love. The thoughts really only manifest about the thing you love. At least for me. Because that is what would give you anxiety is the thought of hurting a loved one. You begin to think you might be “psycho” and you feel these thoughts are so real and that you may break at anytime and act on these thoughts. The fact you have had this for 10 years, and you have never acted on these thoughts, is proof enough that you never ever will. No matter how much you worry you may. You never will. Another fact is you worry about having these thoughts because you are worried you may. People that do that type of thing, do not worry that they will. Killers try and justify their actions and have no moral compass. You do, because you worry. Another fact, over 85% of the population has intrusive thoughts like the ones you have. But since you have ocd, the thoughts will not leave your head and give you anxiety. Same for me. For most people, the thought goes through one ear and out the other. “Thoughts of the void” would be an example. Us with OCD have a heightened awareness of thought. So when these thought happen they will not leave. It’s almost like we have to figure it out first or figure out why we have these thoughts. In my experience that is a super exhausting process. I have missed a good portion of my life just worrying all the time. I have been fortunate enough to pay for an ocd therapist. It has help significantly. We do a lot of exposure therapy, which is pretty tough, but gives you a greater understanding of why these thoughts happen. Once you have that understanding you are on the road to recovery. But it’s easier said than done. I have also been prescribed an SSRI. Zoloft to be specific. Zoloft helps regulate my mood which also effects the frequency of those kind of thoughts. My therapist calls the thoughts “pink elephant” thoughts. Because when I mention a pink elephant, what do you think of? A pink elephant. OCD is no different. I don’t know if any of that helps, but the fact that I am getting better from this is proof enough that it is truly possible for anyone. YouTube is a great source for information for our condition. Type in “Harm OCD.” There’s plenty of people who explain it well to help you get thst understanding you need. Good luck friend!! OCD fuckin sucks, but it’s not the end. It can be conquered :)
That’s game OCD in a nutshell as others have told you in past posts. You seeking reassurance is not going to help you get better. I suggest looking into Nathan Peterson’s OCD course which has a fee but it’s not as expensive as therapy.
@Nica That’s Harm OCD*
I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…
I dont know whats going on. I dont know if its OCD anymore. I know it was in the beginning. Ive been through a lot of trauma and had one little scary thought of killing my sister 4 months ago that has blossomed into this giant idea of me being a serial killer and wanting to hurt everyone (I never had any social issues growing up but I have had some trauma). Recently I’ve been having urges to just give in. And my mental images have been horrible and I can’t stop checking if I like them or not. I think I’ve convinced myself I have. This morning I woke up a shaking mess with an urge to unalive my family and when my mom left for work I was alone with my sister and couldnt stop vomiting uncontrollably. I dont know if i’m upset because I cant hurt anyone and I want to, or if I’m scared and just want my old life back. I was an avid horror and gore lover and now I’m convinced I want to do the things I’ve seen in the movies. Someone please help. I’m ready to check into the psych ward.
so I’ve been seeking therapy for my OCD for a few years. The theme that I’ve been dealing with most recently is the fear of becoming a pedophile, which then has led to intrusive images of me doing things to kids.Which now is just causing me so much distress and 24/7 constant thought cycle. I am starting to not be able to tell the difference between thoughts that are wanted/ unwanted- the line has become some blurry and these things are starting to feel like someothing i want to do. My brain keeps telling me to just test these thoughts and the “maybe”or”i don’t know” isn’t working. This has become such a barrier because the second layer is that I’m afraid that if I just let the thoughts be there it’ll make me be OK with doing those things and the fear is what’s keeping me from actually doing something inappropriate. It’s also transitioned into intrusive thoughts and images of me doing something very disgusting to my dog and that when I’m cuddling with him I get the thoughts to just do it or try it to see if i am actually a p*do. it’s almost like the compulsion would be to do the inappropriate thing, even though I know it’s wrong just to see how it would make me feel. I feel like i can’t control these urges even though i’ve never acted on it. At any point i could just do it. I’ve never had these thoughts before up until about a year and a half ago when my friend‘s boyfriend got arrested for soliciting a minor then all these thoughts came to life.Has anyone experienced something like this and have any advice?
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