Dating

As a person I have witnessed and been through ALOT when it comes to relationships and dating. I recently just entered a new relationship with somebody and it’s wonderful . But that’s the problem. It’s wonderful. I have been through so many ups and downs with people and family and boys that everything to me feels like a dramatic movie. And I meet this one person in my life who I feel like I can connect with, and I’m terrified. I don’t know how to get the feeling to go away. The fear of is he like everybody else. An example would be three nights ago. I went out with my friends and I was so scared that he was going to be upset with me that I shared my location with him and texted him every five minutes I was out. But he wasn’t upset. I’m scared I’m putting too much on him because I feel like these are my trauma responses. I’m not really for sure why am on this app I just don’t want to control and handle my emotions alone. I need an outside unbiased opinion. In my being too much am I being too scared how do I get these feelings out of my head? how do I get these thoughts out of my head? I need advice and I need assistance.

Victor_2

Date posted: 1y

Hey, I’m not sure if this helps but I had a similar situation this weeekend as well. My girlfriend who I’ve been with for only about a week (dated for about a month and a half) and I were both out partying. She was clubbing with her friend and I was at my friends for their birthday. On my end, I have always had a hard time trusting, but I felt comfortable trusting her before we went into our relationship (though the fear of trusting each other did almost stop us from doing so). Still, that doesn’t stop my fears from coming into my head and getting loud. But everytime I feel the fear of being hurt or humiliated I just try to sit there and feel that uncertainty without necessarily giving it a reason to exist nor reacting. I just listen, figure out what I am afraid of and figure out why, and accept the possibility of my fears. Normally I would try to run away from these thoughts and feelings by scrolling through my phone or play music until it goes away. But sitting with the uncertainty has really been helping me navigate my feelings and thoughts at times like this, as uncomfortable as it is. I would like to add that this is how I have tried to deal with my fears when they try to take over and I am also kind of new to this but it has helped so far. I avoided relationships for years because I could not control them, but I thought I’d give it another shot and take a different approach since I really like the person I am with.

Morningstar66

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I really just needed insight and i am struggling to find myself and become my own person. I just dont knowhow to feel sometimes lol

Victor_2

Date posted: 1y

That must be a hard weight to carry around. I would try to be more understanding with yourself and don’t be so hard on yourself. Try to give yourself time, space, and resources (I’ve found therapy a helpful resource and having good friends as well) to figure things out without being so hard on yourself about not having found yourself yet. It takes time and practice to develop one self and even then on some days we’re bound to just fall back since nothing is perfect. It also takes time and practice to heal from traumas we’ve experienced growing up that have led us to develop coping habits we think we needed to survive. I’ve found this particularly hard because I had to realize I’ve been holding myself back by putting up walls without even realizing I was doing it. Idk if I can offer much more insight since I’m still in the process of learning myself but so far these are somethings I’ve learned in my experience. I know it’s not very specific and it’s pretty general. If you ever want to chat more you can reach out to me on ig (victor_m365). Hope I was able to help a bit.

Morningstar66

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I feel like im spiraling but in a calm like ocean way almost

Morningstar66

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I followed you so if you receive a random request its me lol

Victor_2

Date posted: 1y

Hmmm I’m not sure if I feel like my insight would be helpful since I’m still in the learning process at getting the hang of navigating my feelings. But I’ll try lol. I would say it is okay to feel how we feel and try to understand why it is we are feeling that way without the judgement of oneself (if that is the case, I’m usually hard on myself and I’m learning not to be so much). What would you say stops you from being your own person if you don’t mind me asking?

Morningstar66

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Im not for sure. I think sometimes I fall really fast for people and get attached really quickly. I feel like after mom is trying to be with a person. I always refused to allow that person in my life. I am really hard on myself, and I constantly make myself work, and feel the worth of myself of a person and for everything that I own. I’m a very independent person and I’ve given everything into everything that I have. I don’t know how to figure out why I can’t find myself. But I think it’s mostly because I don’t allow myself to have that time to figure it out.

Morningstar66

Date posted: 1y

Thank you because i have ZERO idea what i am doing

geminileo

Date posted: 25w

Not doing well (vent)

Hi, I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been struggling for the past month, it’s been a mix of ocd flare ups and depressive episodes. I recently got into a new relationship, one I was not expecting at all as I had just broken up with my long term boyfriend over the summer and was expecting the cycle of being alone for a few years and then dating again. But anyways, my current boyfriend is amazing and so caring and sweet, I told him before we even started dating about my ocd and how I sometimes need constant reassurance and that it can be a lot to deal with it and that I can become clingy and annoying and he didn’t even bat an eye, he just said he likes me as I am and that he will be able to help and support me. We’re dating long distance rn as I’m finishing up college but we constantly text and video chat/call almost every night. My ocd has been constantly gnawing at that and it’s causing my abandonment issues to flare up horribly, I’ve told him a little bit about my ex boyfriend as he was not a very good person, he was much older than me (12 years) and at the start of our relationship he was amazing and said he could deal with my mental health issues (I know no one is obligated at all) but I would communicate to him that it scares me when he doesn’t talk to me for weeks at a time, and at first he said he would try to be better about that but then it turned into him saying I’m annoying and clingy and that I bother him and that he just wants alone time but during that alone time I wouldn’t hear from him at all for two weeks. He also stopped caring about my interests and said I was annoying when I would talk about them and would even get mad when I tried to talk about my day. Anyways being in this new relationship has caused me to fear that my current boyfriend is going to leave me, lost interest in me or that he’s annoyed with me and hates me, which unfortunately has caused me to give into my compulsion of reassurance so I’ve been asking him a lot “do you still like me?” “We’re still together right?” “Have I annoyed you?” And I hate myself for doing that. He is so sweet and I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want to drain him, i genuinely have never felt this way about anyone I’ve dated but it’s like he was meant to be in my life and we clicked instantly like it felt like we’ve known each other forever and I don’t want to lose him. My avoidance is getting bad and I’m trying to stop myself from pushing him away but I just feel so guilty and ughhhh it’s so frustrating. I just don’t know how to handle this, I want to be with him and I want to make him happy but I hate that my brain works this way.

Gmoki

Date posted: 23w

Relationship

I feel so bad I overthink abt everything my bf says and does. I think that if he doesn’t say x y z when I want reassurance then he must’ve stopped caring or is tired of me. I know it’s not the truth and he gives me NO reason to think this way. This is my first healthy relationship and I want to be in each others lives forever. I love him so much and I’m trying my hardest to manage these thoughts but I’m so anxious. It’s so draining I feel helpless and like I can’t go a day without checking his social medias. I want us to be the best versions of ourselves for eachother but idk where to start or how to manage this feeling.

cam123

Date posted: 23w

Stressing about my relationship

Me and my boyfriend have only been together for a short period of time....and he's head over heels for me...at least he says so. All the time I'm so scared he's going to break up with me or any time something is uncomfortable I shut down and think I did something or he's thinking about me in a negative way and I don't know how to stop it. He doesn't do anything to seem like he wants to break up with me, but any time he does something a little different then normal I immediately think of the worst. If he's being really quiet I'll be thinking *is he going to break up with me* *does he not want to be with me* *is he just hanging out with me right now because he wants a girlfriend to pass the time* all of that stuff. And honestly I'm so scared..... because what if my thoughts are true?

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