physical damage from compulsions

most of my ocd has been under control for years now w medication, however, i still struggle with physical compulsions every day and in the past six months it’s become clear that these compulsions (some of which i’ve had for 5+ years) have been slowly physically damaging my body over time and it’s all coming to a head. i’ve destroyed my right jaw joint by compulsively cracking and popping it since early high school. my wrists and hands feel arthritic and i even have to wear braces sometimes to just prevent myself from cracking them. my body is constantly aching and i feel so defeated. i already have medical issues i deal with so having this on top of it is so draining. it’s really hard to accept that i’ve done this to myself. it just makes me want to cry cause i feel so disappointed by myself. it’s like, if i was able to overcome so many aspects of my ocd through medication, why couldn’t i just stop myself from doing these physical compulsions all the time? it’s like i failed and it’s all my fault that my body feels this way now so i don’t deserve to feel bad when my jaw is so sore i can’t speak or my wrists ache so much that i can’t do work or when my head hurts bc i’m rolling my eyes into the back of my head so much. it’s so hard to accept that this damage and pain is the result of my own actions and compulsions. i wish i knew where to turn or how to stop but i feel so stuck in this cycle. it’s either my bones are aching or i feel such immense distress and discomfort in my body that i have to carry out these compulsions that ultimately leads to more pain and damage. i guess this is mostly a vent post but if anyone else experiences this i’d love to hear from you

Erin P

Date posted: 1y

I can relate to ocd caused physical harm - I currently have a spot on my bum that bleeds from so much wiping in the toilet, a permanently indented and rashy area on my thigh from leaning forward on the toilet for so long - and it hurt daily when I do so, my arms are so dry there are spots that bleed from too much washing and I often have horrible back and / or rib pain from pushing for so long on the toilet. I have been doing erp to try to reduce the compulsions during my restroom routine but I have mostly been doing this in my own. I have an upcoming consultation with an erp therapist who came highly recommended- most won’t treat my level of severity. If you don’t have an erp therapist that would be a good start. There is also higher level treatment ranging from 1/2 day IOP to full day PHP and

Erin P

Date posted: 1y

Residential - which is 24/7 and can help with things you do all the time. It helped me though most of my ocd themes and an ocd-based eating disorder that nearly killed me. Do know there is help and hope. And forgive yourself if you can - you don’t want to have ocd and it is hurting you enough without blaming yourself too. Shala Niceky has some good blogs on self compassion around ocd.

effervescent

Date posted: 1y

@Erin P thank you so much, it helps a lot just to hear that i’m not alone. i’m definitely looking to find a therapist and begin treatment. it’s taken a while for me to accept that medication isn’t the only path i can take and that i can explore multiple routes of treatment. good luck at your consultation ! <3

Erin P

Date posted: 1y

@effervescent Thank you. NOCD might be a good place to start. If that doesn’t work for you Iocdf has a list of erp therapy providers.

Katie_kat

Date posted: 24w

I’m newly diagnosed with ocd and frustrated.

I’m newly diagnosed with ocd. I tend to ruminate on mistakes I’ve made or things I’ve said, I often find myself trying to convince myself I’m not everything my ocd tries to convince me I am. I can’t control my thoughts half the time and it’s exhausting. I’ve laid awake night after night researching various diseases and illnesses trying to convince myself I’m not dying I don’t know where my ocd begins and ends at this point. I think I’ve always had a tendency to over think but the health ocd started more recently. I was diagnosed with nerve damage in my face and arthritis and I think that sparked something in me that makes my mind wonder to no end what else is wrong. Recently I’ve been struggling with the feelings of not being enough or being too much, I’ve been looking back at things I’ve done and said in the past and wonder why people put up with my shit and then I spiral into the inevitable chaos of my overthinking. I’m trying really hard to learn how to control it but I’m sure everyone here can attest as to how painful and aggravating that can be. I just needed to vent.

learningtore...

Date posted: 24w

a quietly loud vent about ocd join in if you need

venting cause im tired of this: sorry for yelling it’s for emphasis, HAVE ANY OF MY FREAKOUTS CAUSED BY OCD ACTUALLY HELPED ME?? PROBABLY NOT? (no seriously they havnt this is exposure therapy now I ain’t reassuring myself) HAVE THEY MADE ME SLEEP DEPRIVED? YES HAVE THEY MADE MY HANDS CRACK AND BLEED FOR YEARS? YES (ouch currently can’t even move my hands without them cracking open) HAVE THEY MADE ME TAKE WAY TO MANY SHOWERS TO THE POINT MY HAIR IS LIKE STRAW? YES HAVE THEY MADE ME LOST WITHIN MY SELF AND RUIN RELATIONSHIPS? YES :( HAVE THEY MADE ME AVOID AREAS OF MY NICE HOME? YES (double sucks cause i only moved late last year) legit in the last couple of months i thought i had could have tetanus, insecticide poisoning, mould in my hair and bed, that somehow bleach and alcohol or ammonia got mixed and i made a toxic gas (I don’t even own bleach etc) thrown out towels and clothes and so so much more. just wtf is ocd, why? Why does it do this?? Surely people without ocd are just wondering what they’ll have for lunch or something?? NOT OMG ITS GOT MOULD ITS SPREAD EVERYWHERE. I’m so tired, just want to live life without being terrified all the time. Please join in with what you’re over with when it comes to OCD, it’s good to vent sometimes.

NotGreat

Date posted: 23w

Physical health consequences?

For many years I’ve had contamination OCD. I wear many layers of plastic gloves when awake. Take off a layer when needing to do things. Early last year it started getting worse when I began ERP. Much worse. Showering took 1 hour before, now 3-4h or longer. I always have to shower before bed because the bed is a clean safe place. But showering didnt feel clean enough anymore and took so long. I would get stuck repeating things over and over. The humidity was ruining my walls and ceiling. I’d stay awake up to 40 hours avoiding showering and sleeping. So one day I started wearing clothes covering all skin, plastic gloves, sleeves taped, hoodie on. That way I could easily just sleep still on my back on the couch. No more awake 40 hours or stuck in the shower up to 4h + bedtime rituals. But then slowly I found myself unable to do… anything. Stopped going outside, stopped talking to people, can’t even get up some days so I just lay on the couch. Fall last year was very stressful I think it broke something in my head. I don’t change clothes and I make sure the gloves last many days. My hands are suffering. The skin blisters and comes off. I think my nails are now separating from the nail beds, for real. I’ve also spent so many years holding pee when outside the home that now the pelvic muscles are weak and I’m becoming urge incontinent. Can’t do physical exams at the doctors. Can’t seek help. Can’t get out of the couch. OCD is ruining my physical health. ERP did not work. Has this happened to anyone else? What did you do if so?

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

physical damage from compulsions

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community