Anyone?

Hey guys I’m thinking on starting ssri but I’m very scared it will change me and my personality idk. I am a mom and I’m worried I’ll be more of a burden. I just want to be fight for me. My Dr suggested meds. I have been having anxiety for 9 + years and I’m stuck and I know I need a change

These past few days I was fine. Minimal intrusive thoughts ,no anxiety etc(to add I'm on medication so maybe it's starting to work although it barely is 2 weeks) and today I got a sudden wave of anxiety and it started latching on some thoughts like" what if I'm in denial and I wanna break up with my bf? And what if erp doesn't work for me because I actually wanna break up with my bf?" But they didn't really stay long usually those thoughts would make me spiral for days or so, now they lasted for some hours. And now I'm trying to trigger myself into being anxious again because if I don't it means I don't have ocd and if I don't have ocd it means I don't love my bf and if I don't love my bf it means I have to break up. Idk if it makes sense but the lack of anxiety makes me wonder if I actually have ocd or not.

So i have an appointment with a doctor in 2 days, but im terrified of taking medication for anxiety, i tried it twice at 15 and would immediately stop taking them after a week or 2 because I was so scared of the side effects, then I tried fluoxetine at 18 and it gave me such bad anxiety with even the first 2 pills that I stopped that as well, now I'm 25 and im willing to try again and stick to it but my mind keeps bringing up all the reasons why I shouldn't and that it could make me worse, make me manic, make me numb, change me etc. Any help or advice welcome