Health ocd, Im freaking out

I’m tired guys. I’m tired of thinking something is always wrong with my health, tired of letting random symptoms/ sensations take over my brain and make me think something is horribly wrong. Tired of thinking I need to go to the doctors to get X & Y looked at. I’m tired of always assuming worst case scenario. I’m tired of constantly thinking if something is unethical/ immoral if I don’t do something, tired of always thinking I’m offending a religious higher being, tired of thinking I’m a bad/ disgusting person for my thoughts. I’ve had OCD ruin so many things for me that should have been fun. It’s ruined intercourse/ intimacy because of religious thoughts, or I keep thinking about STDs/ infections. I’ve been having panic attacks lately, something I’ve never experienced, because of life changes and it’s all gotten in the way of my structured life and it’s been very uncomfortable. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m in danger, or nothing is real. Right now I’m fearing the most that I’m losing my mind, who I am, and I’m just so scared of my mental health getting worse and going manic or developing a dangerous mental illness. My mental health has NEVER been this bad. This is all new and it’s so scary. I was just fine a few months ago, sure I was dealing with other OCD stuff, the intrusive thoughts, the fears, the repetitive actions just to make sure something is the way I want it/ brings me comfort. But ever since my structure was changed/ ruined, it’s all been downhill. I just finished an EMT program, and that messed with me. Saw/ experienced things I’ve never done before and man, it’s really messed with me. Working on getting a new job in healthcare but still don’t have insurance so getting a new OCD specialized therapist has been difficult. Can someone relate just so I don’t feel like I’m crazy?..

I’ve been vaping for about three years now. I’ve tried to quit multiple times but with the people around me, also do, and it makes it difficult to stop buying it and or hitting it. My OCD is based off obsessive thoughts on my health and worrying about natural bodily feelings. Twitches, random pains throughout my body, scare me and make me feel like I can’t control my thoughts. When I vape, i’ve heard about lungs collapsing and I worry about it. I want to stop, but can’t seem to. If I have a headache I worry about a brain tumor, when there are many reasons I could have one. When I mess up a sentence I worry about a stroke, and check my face to see if it’s even. I worry about cancer on a regular basis, a small pain or lymph node swollen, i convince myself it’s cancer. I go to the doctor often because of this. It’s scary, that there is a possibility it could happen. I hate this.

My health concern OCD has been getting A LOT worse in the last days. I'm always panicking about having some serious illness, and I have yet again come to the point where I can't understand if I feel actually unwell or if it's just my mind. I'm under a lot of stress these days, I have some big changes coming up, and I know this is my way of coping, but it's tiring