Scared this isn’t OCD

I have had anxiety episodes on and off for most of my life, and when I was 28 I went to the doctor's and was diagnosed with GAD. I'm currently in therapy as well. But sometimes I wonder if my GAD is actually Pure OCD. One of the main themes of my anxiety at the moment is the fear of death and dying. This is how my thought processes typically work: I'll see someone (eg my parents or other family members), and then I think about their age. If they are old, this sets me thinking morbid thoughts, eg worrying that the person may die within a few years. If they are younger than me, I feel sad that I'll never be that young again. Then it sets me off thinking about how I myself am getting older. Then I worry about how I'll feel when I'm older. For example, I think "when I'm in my 70s or 80s will I be constantly worried about dying?" and "will I be able to enjoy myself when I'm old or will I be too worried?" (Here I'm actually worried that I'll be worried when I'm older - ie I'm worrying about worrying!) I then think how sad/disappointed I'll be if I don't get to do everything I wanted to do during my life. I also worry about what happens when someone dies (in the spiritual sense). I do believe in heaven and spirits, but being a scientifically-minded person I do sometimes get doubts about it, since it is difficult to believe in something when there's not much concrete evidence. The doubts make me feel worse. When I try to ignore these negative morbid thoughts, I then get a nagging feeling saying "doesn't it bother you that you and your loved ones will die one day?" and then the fear starts again. I also sometimes feel guilty about having these morbid thoughts, because it's bad to think about your loved ones dying and yourself dying. It also makes me feel that because I'm so scared of dying, I'm being ungrateful for life. But in reality I am grateful for life and I want to be able to enjoy it without these intrusive negative thoughts. I worry about the speed of time. For example, I can't believe the first 2 months of 2025 are nearly over! I worry "will I get old before I know it?" and "will I be dead and buried before I know it?" Even when there's no specific trigger, I can feel the existential thoughts in the back of my mind all the time, even when I'm doing things I would usually enjoy. I am autistic, and because of that I feel emotionally and mentally younger than my real age, like age dysphoria. All my life, I have felt younger than my real age, even in my childhood and teenage years!

Hi! Just got this app. I don't have an OCD diagnosis, but I have some traits, such as a constant obsession over a topic that causes me distress. Like, fears. It's been pedophilia, racism, global warming, death, secrets I've kept, suicide... Basically everything I don't like the idea of. Now, it's the obsession of my dad passing away. I've come to the realization that if my dad died right now - I'd have to move in with my mom, 2,000 miles away from home. Not only would I lose my district scholarship, which would ruin my plans of going to college, but the room at my mom's house would not be big enough to house all of my belongings, so I'd have to get rid of most my stuff. All of my dad's belongings (books, video games, clothes) wouldn't fit either. Not that my mom would be pleased with me showing up with all of my dad's stuff (they're divorced and not on speaking terms.) I try to counteract these thoughts with things like "dad is not under an active threat" or "even if dad died, I'd figure it out." But I'm still plagued with little jabs from my brain about it. Yesterday, my dad expressed his excitement for this year. He's gotten a new job, we're making more money, we're happy - having the last few years be ruined by my mom running away and other fun things along those lines; we deserve to be excited about this new opportunity. But then he said: "I think this year is gonna be our year." As his daughter, I should be thinking "yeah!" or "right on!", but the only thing that came to my mind was in season 4 of Stranger Things when Eddie Munson says "It's my year, '86, baby!" Before getting eaten by demobats in the upside down. This morning, while driving to school, my dad expressed his happiness about the VaultBoy bobblehead on the dash standing up (there's a magnet on the dashboard that helps him stand, and in our old car, it always fell over.) I just said normal things like "yeah, that's cool, I'm glad." But my mind told me "if dad died right now, would you have time to grab the bobblehead to keep to remember him?" which led to "if dad died right now, would you have time to say goodbye?" I try to push the thoughts away because I tell myself I'm gonna jinx it, and thinking about it manifests it. I try journaling and justifying why none of this would happen, but the thing is; if my dad died, I really would have to move in with my mom, wether I like it or not. I would lose my scholarship, wether I like it or not. Another thought process I have is: "I'd never expect it if my dad died, because in all the stories, it happens when you least expect it." It's like I'm playing a game with my brain, just waiting for the timing of circumstances to lead my dad to his death. I think about it - I manifest it, I don't think about it - it's gonna happen because I'm not prepared. How can I cope with this?

I’ve been perturbed for a couple of months now with incessant thoughts about aging and dying. I really am not sure what to do. This feels like other OCD themes, but also really different, because this time, what I’m afraid of is sure to happen. I will either die, or age and then die. It’s been so difficult to enjoy anything lately. I just want to pull a blanket over my head and wait until death comes. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel quite alone. I am trying to enjoy life, but I just remember that it will all be gone in a flash. Nothing really seems to help me feel better. The only escape I have is in my dreams where I can fantasize about never aging or dying. Or at least being able to rewind the clock to have more time.