Help I’m desperate

@Someone99 I don’t know, I hope with all my life that I haven’t, just that I was very intoxicated walking home and struggle to remember most of it however the longer it’s gone on I’ve started to think I have

@ Anonymous Ok, so if you haven't been confronted by anyone accusing you of rape, we can agree that the thoughts you're having about it are just that, thoughts. Best way to deal with thoughts, let them be thoughts. Do react, don't give them meaning, a thought isn't reality, just a thought. Allow uncertainty, let it there. I kinda visualize putting a thought on a table in from of me and just letting it sit there. Sometimes I think of it as a gremlin and let it sit there and act all gremlin like, thought like, and let it be. Amazing thing is that some of my most troubling thoughts actually in time seemed kind of funny doing this. Try it, you can't control the thought, you can control your response to it.

@Someone99 Don't react...

@Someone99 Thankyou for your comment I will try my best, I feel as though my memory is so confused now from going over the night so many times

@ Anonymous I understand completely what you're going through, been there and will probably be again someday. It's like we spin and spin in our heads. Sometimes I read posts here and I wish I could reach in and pull them out. I'm 53 and just got diagnosed OCD in June this year! I can see I've had it most my life. Don't be afraid to reach out. I'll be here often. You're not alone. Oh, and believe it or not, your mind is a gift. You'll understand that someday. :-)

@Someone99 It’s so hard, it’s already been a year since this ‘night’ where I feel I done it and everyday I don’t want to wake up, I haven’t got an ocd diagnosis either so that’s confusing, yeah do you have similar themes or totally different?

@ Anonymous Real event and pure would be my 2 dominant struggles. I ruminate, which is a compulsion btw, to where it keeps me awake all night. Back in June it was so bad I would roll on the floor hitting my head saying stop... I was literally planning violent revenge on people, etc. So harm shows up, and soocd appears occasionally. So yeah, I get what you're going through. Replaying, redoing, having conversations over again to change a past event, to figure out a past event, etc. All mental compulsions. A year is a long time. And the mental compulsions make it worse. Are you able to talk to your parents about maybe needing to speak with a counselor? I wouldn't recommend going on to details about the rape thoughts. But it's ok to know you may need a little help working through this. ERP therapy does work.

@Someone99 Oh yours so horrific too, that must be awful for you, mines linked to alcohol though and the next day and all the feelings for the next couple of months were horrific it literally felt like I done it but the only thing was nothing came of it, but the feelings were I done it, I feel like even owning up to it all or going to prison, or seeing a therapist

@Someone99 Oh yours so horrific too, that must be awful for you, mines linked to alcohol though and the next day and all the feelings for the next couple of months were horrific it literally felt like I done it but the only thing was nothing came of it, but the feelings were I done it, I feel like even owning up to it all or going to prison, or seeing a therapist

@ Anonymous A therapist would be a good start. You can get a free consultation with an OCD specialist. They should be able to help you sort through everything going on.

@Someone99 Thankyou🙌

@Someone99 I’ve gone to thinking I didn’t blackout but I knew what I done and pretended to not remember to save myself and avoid the consequences

@Someone99 @Someone99 I’ve gone to thinking I didn’t blackout but I knew what I done and pretended to not remember to save myself and avoid the consequences

@ Anonymous So what you're saying is you did rape someone?

@Someone99 Yes that’s it

@Someone99 Been over a year and the feeling haven’t gone so I guess so too

@ Anonymous Do you still know the person you raped?

@Someone99 No I done it to a stranger walking by late one night

@ Anonymous It seems then that you're dealing with feelings of guilt which is excellerated by your OCD. You should feel bad about that because yes it is illegal. Did the victim report this to the police? If so the right thing to do would be to turn yourself in. If not, you should speak with a counselor or a pastor and confess, repent, and receive forgiveness for what you did.

@Someone99 No I’ve not been contacted or seen anything from that night come up but I believe I did it, I had a scratch on my knuckle and a little cut on my stomach