Having a hard time

Literally everyone for months has been telling me that I’m NOT THAT and that it’s likely OCD, and I’ve gotten a therapist who’s an OCD specialist on here and even she told me I meet the criteria for OCD. So then why can’t I accept that it’s just that? What’s so hard to accept the simple truth of it all? I can’t just keep saying and reminding myself that these intrusive thoughts are a product of OCD cause then THAT becomes a compulsion. Why is it so hard to navigate and understand any of this? Why can’t I forgive myself and give myself a break? I feel so tired of thinking about it all all the time, but what else am I supposed to think about? I have let my life revolve around these obsessions for months and now that I got the answer I wanted, I still feel doubt? I can’t just forget about all of these thoughts and when they happened. Is this just my life now?

pokecryst

Date posted: 1y

OCD is not bound by logic. Even if you know all the evidence, you know it's just OCD, you will still continue to doubt yourself and felt that those intrusive thoughts are so real. The fact that you still doubt yourself after hearing all of the logic is in fact a part of OCD

httpet

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@pokecryst Perfectly said!

Betty)

Date posted: 1y

OCD is a doubt disorder at some point so the fact that you doubt even official diagnosis just proves that you have it and that all thoughts is NOT YOUR FAULT. i’m sorry that it still makes you feel so bad, but that’s not your fault too! try not to put so much pressure on yourself (as it possible) and give yourself some time to understand and to accept everything. you deserve to be loved and happy ♥️

wfdnash

Date posted: 1y

You can’t forget about them. You learn to live with them and let them be there. The more you try to forget the stronger they get. Just live your life with them there. They will get less. I promise. But they will be there because they are a part of 98percent of all people’s lives. It’s hard to believe but true.

Jay222

Date posted: 1y

(Cont) something just feels horribly wrong and I don’t know how to fix or change that. I keep telling myself it’s OCD but it feels so off putting and unsettling. I’ve never felt this way before.

pokecryst

Date posted: 1y

It's like the more you think about how to stop the thought or try to figure it out, the more power you give to it. It will slowly eat you out and makes you feel more and more terrible. So maybe whenever the thought came up just think "Oh it's that thought again. To hell with you" then stop thinking or lingering with it.

Jay222

Date posted: 1y

@pokecryst But isn’t that still reacting to it as a compulsion though?

pokecryst

Date posted: 1y

@Jay222 Ignore or try to turn it off a thought won't do much. A compulsion is when you perform something to get rid of the thought. The difference between a compulsion and what i just suggest it's that you accept that it's there but you refuse to analyze it and let it drift. "Oh it'a that thought again" you accept that it's there but you won't interact with it. Or "Maybe that thought is true but maybe is not true either. After all your are just a thought" you create uncertainty about the thought and then decided that whatever the truth, you are just a thought, beat it.

wfdnash

Date posted: 1y

@pokecryst I just say “whatever” to myself.

DannyO507

Date posted: 21w

I need help

So I have been struggling with the same theme of ocd for 4 months now. My ocd centers around past events/false memories that ocd skews to make seem bad or it twists my thoughts on what my intentions were. this is related to cheating or being weird while I have been in my amazing relationship. I have never cheated on my partner and never will and I believe it is wrong. But my ocd is telling me other wise. I love my partner so very much and I would never want to hurt him but my brain is getting to me. I was getting better. I was trying “maybe I did, maybe I didn’t”, I have been back on meds and in therapy and I stopped confessing random interactions from years/months ago about 1.5 weeks ago and it really helped. But now I woke up this morning and feel the pit in my stomach again. I feel extra critical and like why would you do this? What does this say about you? What was your intention with this? And I’m just stuck mentally reviewing and ruminating on everything you could imagine. I know my personality and I know in the moment maybe I did find them attractive but mainly I was just being nice or funny or even just a good friend, but looking back now I’m like “was it flirting?” “Why did I still snap this person” “why would I even talk to them” and stuff like that. I feel this intense sense of guilt. I have told my partner everything that I keep getting stuck on and he didn’t care, he said he understands or “that’s a little weird but it’s okay” and hasn’t missed a beat. He said eveything I’ve told him is normal and I’ve heard that from my friends too. I just really need help. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am so disappointed because I thought I was gonna be done with this, so why am I still so worried and caught up in this.

Anonymous

Date posted: 19w

Help me understand

Hi, I just had a recent diagnosis of OCD. It’s crazy because I never considered it or thought that I had it. There have been some thoughts I look back on that make me wonder if it was OCD the whole time. It came to full fruition recently when I made a bad decision that cascaded into me worrying, and then led me to having these intense intrusive thoughts that I never thought I had. Can OCD magically manifest this intensely for some? I notice a lot of the stories here that people experience all the intrusive thoughts when they were younger. I keep looking back on previous times, making me think I had those same thoughts then. I can’t remember if they were genuine thoughts like I believed them, or if I knew they were bad thoughts and I just got over them. I feel like I am lying to myself every time I have the thoughts and that I’m a bad person because of it. I’m trying to not accept it. I have a few sessions in with my therapist introducing ERP but I wish I could get through this quicker. I feel disgusted with these thoughts and that I might be a bad person. Please help me understand and how to best handle this. Anyone have advice on how to be patient with yourself through this process?

hulder

Date posted: 13w

Life is tough

Feel like I’ve been stuck in a spiral for a while. My OCD has come in waves over the years but this time it has been so debilitating. I’m in therapy, but I really struggle with sitting with uncertainty. My therapist will tell me to say, “Maybe, maybe not”. But so many of my fears and so much of my uncertainty feels too risky to just, “not figure out”. And if it’s not just thoughts, it’s actions or events. Whether it’s an event from years ago or 5 minutes ago, I feel like I’m ruminating and trying to perform memory recall. I analyze every action, thought, decision. I’m full of guilt and dread all the time. And then I realize how much it’s affecting my family and ability to be a fun and present parent. Most days I’m hardly functional outside of meeting my kid’s basic needs. I feel like I’m wasting so much time, but I just can’t get myself out of this constant loop. Every day brings a new event or theme or thought. I know I need to sit with the uncertainty but it’s so hard.

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Having a hard time

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