Saying goodbye

About to send this to the love of my life: I don't think I'm healthy enough to be with you Jack. You deserve the best, and I may of been that at one point but I'm not now. I feel like I'm holding you back from so much you should be exploring/doing and that's selfish and unfair of me. You shouldn't have to worry about someone that is not in touch with reality, and feels crippling guilt for things she hasn't done. You have been so great, and supportive (more than anyone ever would in this situation). I know you love me, and I'll always love you. You have been the greatest joy in my life, but this isn't fair to you because the truth is even if I get better this may never go away entirely. You have done nothing wrong, but I can't live anymore like this. And you don't deserve to go through this kind of stress. You've had more darkness then anyone our age should go through already. You need light right now, and I don't think I can be that. If any part of you agrees with this; you know I'm right. I'm doing the right thing right?

My beloved cat of 6 years is extremely sick, i adopted him when i was in the army and hes always helped me get through my PTSD. After about 1K in vet bills the vet said he likely will not survive this week, and i should consider euthanasia as its most likely advanced pneumonia or heart disease. Hes a indoor only cat and when i was trying to feed him his tooth scratched me and i got a tiny cut. Now my OCD is trying to convince me i somehow got rabies on top of it already going crazy and mourning my cat even though hes still fighting and not yet gone. I feel awful that now im scared to continue caring for him because now im scared of being near him

I had the worse OCD, like I can't even function nor move without breaking down and I can say that I've done a lot of self-harm. I experience all kinds/types of OCD and it was torturing. Then, I got this one-eyed rescue cat; I thought I rescued her, turns out she was the one rescuing me. A year after I got her, I got another cat (this time, a deaf one). They made my life worth living, seeing them makes me happy. I still experience some episodes and sometimes I regress but it wasn't as hard as before. Since the both of them have special needs, they are a bit more handful than the "normal" cats but doing tasks for them (e.g. preparing food, cleaning up, taking them to the vet regularly, bathing, grooming, and such other things) made my life meaningful! Maybe if you can get a pet, I suggest you get one! Adopting/Rescuing might help you and the animal you are getting. Have a blessed night! (or morning)