My heart is pounding again

I started feeling better, more calm and relaxed but then I remembered that I’m literally heartbroken and single and I went back to feeling like shit again, all the anxiety came storming back. Why does it have to be this way, I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.

Its been like 3 weeks of school and its just been really difficult and stressful 😭 ive had two tests and i havent gotten them back yet but i have a feeling i didnt do as well as i wanted to on either of them and that scares me because i usually score perfectly and well. And my classmates are so good at everything 😭 and ik this is kinda bad but i hate seeing people do better in things im supposed to be good at… like math is one of my strongest subjects but i messed up on a few questions so bad and i feel so stupid and now im scared that im gonna be like this for the rest of the semester 😞 it scares me. Plus all my classmates talk to me sometimes and all and i be as nice as possible but i still feel invisible- even with friends i just feel like im bothering them and i feel like im just alone and have no one to talk to bc either no one cares or i feel like burden and annoying and unlovable 💀

One fun thing about what I’ve experienced is that even if I go to people for reassurance, more often than not it doesn’t help and makes things worse. I see how from an outside perspective it looks like denial and the moment I open my mouth to talk about it the instant thought is “you’re faking it, you know it’s true and you’re faking it”. And it’s great when people say maybe you are this or that like it’s no big deal, …but it is? And then again it’s like maybe they see something I don’t?