It feels like I’ve become immoral over the last year due to all of the POCD thoughts and feelings and it feels like that’s who I am now. I used to have a strong sense of morality and now since i genuinely feel like I’ve turned into THAT, it feels like it’s gone. I of course don’t want to do those things, but if it’s in my head 24/7 what else am I supposed to believe??
Sorry, I know this is a lot of info, I took a lot of Anatomy & Physiology classes and Biology Classes in College, this stuff is interesting to me.
Please get your Methylation checked, you probably have MTHFR (Methyl-Tetra-Hydra-Folate-Reductase)...you can get an MTHFR test done by your doctor atleast some hospitals do it. You Methylate Folate and Methyl B-12, B-6 and TMG, Tri-Methyl Glycine)...there is many other things to take as well. A big problem too is your B-12 is too low or on the fringe of being low. There are other things to take such as Turmeric, Fish Oil, and a good Methylated Multi-multi-vitamin. Please hang in there.
How does that help you?
@Anonymous Please read below, God Bless.
You need Methyl-Folate I meant. As well as some type of B-12, Hydroxy, Adeno- B-12 and maybe even an active form of B-6, then P5P.
@Anonymous I don’t doubt that those things help but can help me understand how it’ll helps mentally?
@Jay222 OCD has A LOT to do with the Neurotransmitters in the brain being off. Serotonin, GABA, Glutamate and maybe Dopamine are all off. Serotonin and GABA are inhibitory Neurotransmitters which helps to Calm and Relax you, OCD sufferers are too LOW in these. Glutamate and MAYBE Dopamine are Excitatory Neurotransmitter are too HIGH in OCD Sufferers, (Not totally sure of Dopamine, some can be low in Dopamine too) these Neurotransmitters are off because of faulty communication between the Nerves/Neurons. You have a Neuron followed by an Axon that is made Myelin Sheath (it is made of Cholesterol, B-12 and some other stuff.) , and then there is a "Synaptic Gap" where Neurotransmitters have to travel through the Axon/Myelin Sheath and then have to cross, (jump) the Synaptic Gap and then communicate and make it to the other side to the next Neuron/Nerve. So it goes Neuron, Axon(made of Myelin Sheath), Synaptic Gap (also called Synaptic Cleft) where the Neurotransmitters cross to the next Neuron/Nerve, this is basically your Central Nervous System. There are other things like Oligodendrocytes and other Glial Cells I believe too, but that is Digressing. If Any Part of this system is damaged such as damaged Neurons or more likely damaged Myelin Sheath/Axon you have Neurotransmitters that can't cross the "Synaptic Gap" to get to the next Neuron. You have to have active communication between all the Neurons and the Neurotransmitters to work harmoniously for this all to work, There are a TON of these cells and axons in between the cells. I can't even remember how many Neurons there are but atleast a Billion if not Billions. The BIG Problem in OCD Sufferers is the Myelin Sheath is damaged from Lack of B12 and a certain healthy amount of Cholesterol (Cholesterol isn't amazingly bad like some say, just not too much). You need a good amount of B12 to build up the Myelin Sheath. Your brain is made up of 60-70% Fat, so Cholesterol and Omega 3's are pretty good for the brain. "Spirulina" is an algae made of Cyanobacteria/Cyanocobalmin I believe and taking a Spirulina Supplement is actually great for the Myelin Sheath, I take between 3-10 grams a day of Spirulina which is quite a bit.
Sorry, I almost accidently deleted that whole so I posted it. Those Neurotransmitters aren't even all the Neuro-Transmitters, There are many others like Acetyl-Choline, Taurine, as a secondary Neurotransmitter, Inositol too is in there as a secondary Neurotransmitter and others that I can't remember off the top of my head. Taking Taurine (it is hard to find a good Taurine), Inositol, Fish Oil, and FOR CERTAIN Serotonin, so "SSRI's" and if people don't want regular SSRI medication they can try Tryptophan, 5-HTP, St. John's Wort to build up Serotonin in the brain. SSRI's like Sertraline/Zoloft and Fluoxetine/Prozac are good SSRI's to take. Clomipramine is a tricyclic anti-depressant and I THINK/not sure recycles Serotonin /I could be wrong about this mechanism but Clomipramine is a GREAT drug for OCD, however it works, sorry I take Clomipramine but haven't fully studied up on it. SSRI's are obviously much stronger than natural supplements but if people want to go the natural route, they can try. There are other supplements like Choline (the membrane(outside part) of Neurons is made of Choline, so Choline is a good supplement for OCD Sufferer's. Folate ALSO helps make Nerves and Folate works with B-12 to help make Nerves/Myelin Sheath I believe and part of the problem is that we OCD Sufferers can't fully process Folate especially the synthetic "Folic Acid" Form. We need Methyl-Folate and some need Methyl B-12 to help make Nerves and Myelin Sheath. Honestly I am not sure if Folate makes Nerves or just helps make Myelin Sheath as a helper to B-12, I need to study that more. Please forgive me for not fully understanding but I do have the MTHFR gene. This basically the process and this good enough for now. Everyone PLEASE hang in there and just know that GOD Loves you and has a plan for each one of you. Please believe this, thank you Jesus!
Sorry that I forgot to separate this into paragraphs.
17f So basically I think you know this whole accept and sit with the uncertainty thing. It applies to pocd as well. Because you can ruminate, test yourself, seek reassurance as much as you want but it will never be enough for you brain to be sure you are not a P. So you need to sit with "Maybe I am a P maybe not" and just don't do anything about it. So sometimes I can do that. But here comes moral ocd. If I accept the chanse of me being a pedophile, isn't it morally wrong for me to be around children? Look at children? Watch movies with children in it? Cause now I can't even look at children even if it was an accident without freaking out and thinking that I'm a monster. Sometimes it feels morally wrong to leave the house because there is a chanse I can meet a child on the street I genuinely don't know what to do. It feels paralyzing at this point. Seems like I can't do anything. Like I even need to cover children on the screen with my hand when I watch a movie. It's exhausting.
I’ve given up with the confessing. I feel so drained and irredeemable that why even confess anymore? I don’t know if this is a good thing. On paper, it looks great. My bf thinks I’m better, but I feel like I’m dying. The attraction, arousal, urges, compulsions are all getting so much stronger. I feel like I’m embracing a monster. The POCD is driving me mad. I genuinely cannot see kids anymore because it’s immediate checking compulsions and intrusions. I need help. Has anyone gotten to this point and made it back to “normal”? I feel like a pedophile who is simply ashamed of being one.
I'm doing ERP to beat my 3.5 long POCD with groinal responses. This implies walking near kids and trying to loosen up my hyperfixation on groinal responses (not caring about what I feel there). Obviously ERP is distressing. In fact, being scared is probably a good sign in this context, because it means I'm doing my exposures correctly. However, what's much more scary is that in all of these years of OCD there were countless times when I experienced actual muscle contractions/retractions in groinal area. And I can't tell if all of those were accidents. Sure, I don't want to do it (except if I'm relaxing muscles in order to avoid groinal sensations), but was it really an accident? And that's what is destroying me. I'm actively having those feelings near poor kids, even though I always believed myself to be a good person. Now there's no turning back. And I'm turning 18 in two weeks. How can I be enthusiastic about anything when I know that my OCD turned me into an actual monster. I want to continue ERP, but I can't imagine myself living on happily even if I somehow cure OCD
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