Constantly worrying about death of family members

does anyone have separation anxiety as well? it often makes me feel guilty for leaving my sister or my mum etc alone in the house in case something bad happens to them and then i would blame myself for not being there to save them. any suggestions would really help?

TW death, terminal illness I feel like I could be suffering from complex post traumatic stress disorder, specifically due to loss. I just get these waves of sadness, not always physical but like a hole is in my chest and my body is compacting on itself. Sometimes it does come out in the form of crying. Random things trigger it, mostly music, and sometimes it seems like nothing at all has. Death has always been a core part of my life and my childhood. I have a massive family and im one of the youngest, so that means much of my relatives have and will die before me (potentially.) my grandma when I was age 2, great grandparents around 5-6, 2 cousins around age 8, grandpa at age 9, aunt at age 10, other grandpa at age 12, other grandma at age 13, more aunts and uncles age 14-16, and most recently, my uncle who I was very close with died when I was 18 a year ago. They’ve all died from rather horrific causes, glioblastoma, birth defect, cancer, dementia. Cancer is the biggest. I just feel like im always anticipating the next soul shattering loss. Will it be my mom or dad? My cousin? A baby cousin? My aunt and 2nd mother figure? I feel surrounded by death. I think this is why I have such intense, spontaneous waves of depression. I feel it right now as im typing this. I think writing it out is helping.

Let me preface this by saying all three of my cats are alive, well, and healthy. Does anyone else get really distressed by their pets’ mortality? Like I cannot escape thoughts about their health, wondering if they’re happy, if I’m a good caregiver, worrying about when they’ll pass and how hard that will be and that I’ll inevitably feel like I’ve failed them. I feel intensely guilty often for things like leaving for work or not allowing them in the bedroom when I sleep (bc they keep me up) even though logically I know I shouldn’t feel bad. And I have a lot of guilt about not being able to take a past cat while leaving an abusive situation three years ago (she is definitely okay, she’s well cared for, I checked with an old mutual friend). I just love them so much, I want them to be okay.