i was extremely scared today, a bunch of little kids were around me and i was scared to be near anyone because i would do something horrible. i feel like a terrible person that no one would want to be around. i don’t deserve this support, i just want to be rid of these terrible disgusting thoughts.
They are not your thoughts. It’s hard but don’t wrestle them or argue or play tug a war. You are not alone. On one chooses their thoughts. People with OCD highlight the ones we hate.
There’s a woman I watch on YouTube her name is (Chrissie Hodges) she has some really great videos of OCD and she’s funny. I hope that you look her up she’s my go to when I have these moments like you’re sharing check her out. I hope she can help and she has tons of videos of all different type of topics
I was a kids camp counselor for a summer and it was torturous. You got this! Big hugs and love coming your way ❤️🙏❤️🙏
hey there, i just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in these struggles. feeling scared and anxious around others can be really difficult, but it doesn't make you a terrible person. remember, you deserve support and understanding just like anyone else. have you heard about "unstuck"? it's an AI-powered therapy tool that's been a game-changer for me. i've been using it for about a month and it's been super helpful. another member on this forum recommended it to me, and i wish i had found out about it sooner! you should definitely give it a try, it might help you too! 😊🌟
@FlorenceHanks222 thank you!
i'm tired of the fear of becoming something horrible. im tired of feeling like i'm an irredeemable monster. im tired of thinking about what happened every hour of my life. im tired of the fear of being a bad person. im tired of never feeling like i deserve anything. i'm tired of the ruminating, the anguish, the guilt, the regret, the pain, the anger at myself. i dont know what i want. it feels as if making my life better will be like excusing my actions. i feel like i deserve this pain. my genuine emotions feel like a facade. im so scared. i dont want to be a bad person. why did i think it was okay in the moment. why.
i have been getting really gross intrusive thoughts. They have caused me to feel such intense guilt. It’s gone to the point I harmed myself and believe I deserve this harm. My parents had to hide all sharp objects from me so I don’t harm myself. I also have wanted to end my life due to the intensity and discomfort and disgust and repulsion these thoughts give me. I feel since I have these intrusive thoughts I do not deserve to live. I have been to a mental health emergency room and I felt better afterwards but it was temporary relief. I have been given medication for this (sleep since the intrusive thoughts and the fact that I have these intrusive thoughts keeps me awake unable to sleep, and pills for my OCD to potentially stop the intrusive thoughts and anxiety. But I was only given them last night so they will not work for a week or so). I don’t even feel comfortable saying the theme of them because I’m terrified of people thinking I am that and am so repulsed by the fact that still exists, I would never think anything like this out of my own will. If I heard anybody say the thoughts I have out loud , I would stay away from them, and be disgusted by them for saying it. I wouldn’t even vocalize these intrusive thoughts to a therapist because they would hate me which would be completely valid and understandable. I hate me too for thinking this. I don’t deserve to live. I live in constant guilt. I never got thought like this until these theme decided to ruin my fucking whole ass life. How do I remove these thoughts and guilt. I’m only a kid and I know I have a whole life ahead of me but I don’t deserve it for having these intrusive thoughts. I’ll get intrusive thoughts like wanting to harm somebody in a graphic way (WHICH I DO NOT WANT. I wouldn’t even get in a fight with somebody. I hate harming others.) these thoughts are 100% UNWANTED. They also developed at random. I was just scrolling on tiktok as one does then I got a super random intrusive thought. I fixated on it and obsessed over it and it caused worse and worse intrusive thoughts to come because of me fixating on it. I remember I had it once before (earleir I says I’ve never had thoughts like this untill the theme, the intrusive thought i had then was still bad and something I don’t think at all, but it was an extreme one) but I was able to acknowledge it was an intrusive thought and had nothing to do with me after freaking out for about a few hours. I don’t want to live with these thoughts. I don’t deserve the gift of life. I can’t stand up from guilt. I can’t eat on my own. I’ve tried everything. They’re constantly in my head. I DONT WANT THEM THERE. I DONT THINK LIKE THAT AT ALL. I am seeing a therapist on Thursday. They get so specific and disgusting. My compulsion is hitting myself in the head and screaming “no that’s gross ew”. As you can tell it harms me . But I think I deserve it. I can’t take any thing anyone says to me seriously because if they heard these intrusive thoughts all the pity would disappear.
i keep getting thoughts of molesting/ doing sexual things to people (that i’m close to) and children, every-time this happens I extremely disturbed and have panic attacks bc i’m a horrible person. i’m honestly just contemplating just k*lling myself because i feel like a disgusting p3do who doesn’t deserve anything in life. i’m already diagnosed with anxiety and depression but i’m not sure if this is OCD or not. i hate my self so much- this thoughts won’t stop happening and i never want to do anything like that ever. :/. i’m not sure what to do, i’ve talked to my therapist but none of her methods worked on how to stop these thoughts.
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