Fear of commited sin(and im a bad person)

Since im working in a christian band(as a backstage helper and now am also managing the social media platforms of that band) i noticed that since than i became really hard on myself on the things i can do and not. I have that "in that position i shouldnt do certain things, cause i have responsibility, i dont want to ruin the name of that band" and this gave me so much pressure. I want to work as a christian song writer, i would like to write non christian songs too, and this is where the problem begins. Now i have this "only God" mentality, that for us christians everything should be about God, some worldly song are bad cause its against God, love songs are bad cause its lust and this is just about songs, but ive fallen into this rabbit hole that everything that its not about God its against him. Im so afraid that in my position as christian i will show a bad picture and thats a big pressure. So i will share what happened. With my friends we have fun by writing worldly songs, like parodies, we making fun of what todays worldy music is about (not every just some rap, pop music), how the songs doesnt have any value, its about money, how much money i have, girls, evers girl wants us for the money, i have luxury cars, i live the best life, and from all of this suddenly it turns to my heart is cold, nobody loves me, im alone, and making fun of this sometimes helps me to see behind all this fake happiness that this lifestyle will give, that i have money i have girls im so cool, im the king but deep down im suffering... so it helps me realizing this, and again we dont do that as we value this or we live like that, its a parody we show eachother how stupid these style of music is and its sad that the world likes this, but again not all of them cause since then i met non christian people who thinks the same about those songs. So this also made me feel sinful that we write these songs and we shouldnt do this. Yesterday i wrote a lyrics that was a little bit different than the other ones, it wasnt about money and how cool i am, it was about love, breakup and i didnt wrote that from my heart cause i dont have those experience and i was focusing on making it like these non christian breakup songs, and it became actually good. Today just randomly i thought about i try to send it to someone cause it could be a good song, and also i would feel good if something i did wil become big. And here is the problem lies, i feel like this is egoistic and agaist God cause i did it cause i want this to be about me, that something i did becomes big and famous... I sended the lyrics to someone and i want expect it but imediatelly got a respons and they liked the lyrics and they will make a song with that, so do you think i was happy about it? Oh no... suddenly i got hit by shame and a big anxiety that what i did was not right as a christian. I made a non christian song thats against God cause its about love and breakup which in my mind is lust and I made that relevant... and a huge fear and guilt hitted me and since then im afraid i did something wrong, i just acted from my ego, for my good sake, it wasnt about God and im dissapointed about myself. I try to see it as this song isnt that bad its not about sin, sex and drugs, its just about breakup, but my mind says i just try to make it like sin i good... also the person i sended has sinful wordly songs too, but he has many romantic, more about love songs, but the thing that he has sinful music makes me feel so bad and dissapointed about myself. I contributed to sin... its bad cause here noone can help me, the first thing i got from my family was "then why you did it, you shouldve thought about that". And it made me fear more cause dont get the support i need. So i try to find the support here...

Username: TapDrumRollTapDrumRoll

Date posted: 41w ago

First off, sorry you are down on yourself. There is no black/white but greys. No good/bad either. We are ever changing. If we lock ourselves in a title (Holy) or (Sinful) then we can not live and learn in life. I’m sure God doesn’t want us to feel bad about every move we make. We limit ourselves with titles, wrong/right, smart/dumb, pretty/ugly and so on. Titles are NOT who we are. We are complex beings with changing thoughts, ideas, perspectives, emotions, likes, wants, expressions, hopes, dreams, goals and it goes on. Now how can you put a title on all of that? It’s absurd. I believe god wants us to do our best, no more and no less. How can we grow, if we are constantly worried about what “they” think? It is limiting our potential, growth and creativity to adhere to some rigid way of conforming. You essentially are giving up your power to make sound decisions of your own and handing it all over to one ideology. It is simply debilitating and not humanely possible to please everyone. Very exhausting and you’d be fooling yourself by adhering to every perceived sense of wrong/sin. Absurd don’t you think? Be you. Be you. You are LOVE. We are made of love. We give love to our world when we share our unique creativity, passions, connectivity, joys, helpfulness, inspirations and how can that be “bad” “sinful”? Titles are given to books not people. Titles are given by other people as a form of control and to marginalize your worth. You are not ONE thing. You are more than a person who believes in Christianity. You are a human being first and foremost. Love yourself, God does. ♥️

Username: EstridEstrid

Date posted: 41w ago

👏👏👏

Username: The real yeerhaw The real yee...

Date posted: 41w ago

‘Suddenly I got hit by shame and anxiety.’ Stop right here my friend! This, or these, waves of feelings can be very convincing that you’ve done something wrong. I used to be very affected by them too, but in time I learned to distrust them. Pray for distrust of yourself, it’s an important virtue. ‘If there were no self will, there would be no hell’. In time, as you learn to distrust feelings of anxiety and guilt, no matter how paralysing they are, you will be able to think through things and come to a better conclusion.

Username: EstridEstrid

Date posted: 41w ago

I get you. And I get that you don't feel understood. I am a Christian, and I have been a bit where you are. With time I have developed another understanding of God's love and His purpose with my life. He loves me so much and knows me better than I do. He wants me to be the unique man I am. He wants you to do the things you like - He has given your gifts and He has given you the chance to use them the way you like. You can reflect His love and light even if you are singing "non-Christian" songs, and you can sing Chrustian songs and be a mean person... Life is about living in His love and do what you want to do and trust Him in the process of finding out this. Don't let expectations from others, or the OCD-rules direct your behavior. You are free in Christ!

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 41w ago

I just afraid this "i can do what i like, what i want to do, what makes me happy" this can be really bad cause sin makes you happy. People do sin because it makes them happy... so sometimes its dangerous to say "do what makes you happy". People choose to live without God cause they think thats what makes them happy...

Username: EstridEstrid

Date posted: 41w ago

@PRIV8 It doesn't make them happy in the long run. Joy from God is another thing, and if you follow Him you don't need to fear that you chose the "wrong happiness"..

Username: kylie m

Date posted: 5y ago

Okk, this is gonna sound super terrible and weird but i can't keep it to myself because it makes me think so bad of myself and stuff. Anyways, when i was a lil younger (maybe like a year or two ago) i touched my cats balls like really sexually and i feel so terrible about it. I'm also christian and just started being more of a christian this year. I've recently been going to this one church and i got saved there a few months ago. It made me feel relieved but I'm just jow thinking of this horrible mistake of mine. Since it happend, the cat ran away and i haven't seen it at all. It makes me scared to know if I'll go to heaven or hell for this. I'm not sure. The thought of me doing that has just sparked so much anxiety md stress to where i have thought about suicide but I'd never go through with it. Im feelin super down right now, and if anyone could help or talk to me I'd be so grateful. Also, I'm sorry this was super long.

Username: hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y ago

Sooooooo omg my mom mentioned that she saw a show on televisopn where people with weird mental ilnesses spoke and she mentioned that there was someone with hocd and how she thought it was weird but she thought in this generation she doesnt blame people for having it because it isnt their own fault and there is alot of pressure on your sexuality and omg i got sooo red and i felt like i was gonna burst out in tears and tell them everyything i was sooo close to just break and tell them what ive been going trough for the past year. Im so freaked out and like... i jusr wanna tell them but im ashamed and i know i will n e v e r tell them but i cant believe i got this close. And i just dont know what to do bevause on the show the doctor said a looot of people approached him with having hocd and that its really a new big mental ilness thing. You know what it is, my mom said that the man on the show who had hocd said he wasnt in to guys at all but his brain told him he liked it and that was me in the ebginning of hocd but now i have a feeling i cant relate anymore and that hurts so much because its like hocd has gotten so deep into me that i honestly believe it and like i created genuine feelings towards woman. I dont know what to think anymroe. I pray everynight god will Release me and somehow i feel like this is my punishment for not listenig to Him and i also todsy read in the bible That people who ignore god do things wrong when it comes to sexual stuff and that people wont be able to think clear anymore and that they will be lost and thats just me and im So afraid because the bible says people will be punished for it idk im so freaked out!!!! I wanna be a better person so bad but i cant when my brain is like this i need help from god but im scared he just rejects me vecause ive been a horrrible person. So selfish and i know my heart is ebtter than that but i cant set good apart from bad bevause my brain wont let me. Its like i dont give a shit about anyhting anymore and i miss me who could think clear and who was genuine and honored god. Its like ny current brain cant do that snymore it doesnt have the right functions for it anymorw. Like the good part in me had been cut out and im tryna find it but its destroyed and theres no way it will come back.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

How you accept that you are sinful?

If i try to accept i feel so much guilt and sad and even depressed like im a bad person and i have to fix this, but i realize to that then i become perfectionist, and its really exhausting to always be perfect for God, and you become obsessive with that, its not healthy. But i cant accept im like this and this is okay cause God still loves me... i still feel bad about being sinful... so then i say to myself that maybe im not sinful cause i really avoid many bad things, so i might be good but then i get guilt again cause "who i am to say that im not sinful, im a human too, i cant say that"... This might come from me not knowing what is really a sin, there are alot of things people call sins, but i want to understand why is it a sin. This really makes me not enjoy my life cause i call sin many things i enjoy doing and now i feel guilty about doing them...

Religion & Spirituality OCD

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Fear of commited sin(and im a bad person)

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