Perfectionism OCD

I'm 37, been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since I was 16. I've thought for a few years now that I may have some ocd tendencies. But I feel like they are getting worse. I clean, every single day. I have to vacuum 2-3 times a day or I cannot relax. I have to vacuum every morning, or I can't concentrate on work, I vacuum later in the day, then again before bed to help me relax. I can't skip a day...if I do it nags at me. I'm also a perfectionist?!? I get highly irritated if things are out of order, or my house is chaotic. Sit on the furniture wrong and squash my pillow? My anxiety or irritation spikes until the person gets up and I can go fix that space. I also obsess over things, and seek answers/validation from others. When I tried leaving my job for another, I talked to anyone that would listen. Obsessing for weeks and weeks wondering if I was making the right choice, looking for someone to answer me. I could NOT think of anything else. I'm assuming this is ruminating? Now, most recently, I've been having awful intrusive thoughts. Every single night. Mostly about loved ones dying, and how will I go on. I work myself up, have anxiety attacks and cry. ...this makes sense as to why I feel the need to constantly clean or be doing something, so I don't have to think these thoughts. In my head if I can just make it to morning, nothing bad will happen during the day. I'm ferried my phone will go off at night with bad news. It's making it hard to sleep, I don't want to relax because my mind drifts to these intrusive thoughts. I don't know...no one had diagnosed me, but I feel like some signs are there. I feel like I'm slowly going crazy...and I'm so very tired of it.

Hello! I recovered from my severe religious themed OCD about 3 years ago. I thought my OCD had went away but I'm starting to think it's still impacting my life. Or maybe I just have high anxiety now. I have been told I'm a perfectionist and I have a huge fear that I'm not always "living correctly" which causes me to intensely compare myself to others and other things. This fear got so bad last august that I got into a relationship with an emotionally abusive person just because I thought I was falling behind. He was my first boyfriend and now I'm dealing with the affects of this. Im a baton twirler and although I'm getting better with exposure therapy.. I have anxiety attacks when I don't perform or practice perfectly. Where I can't even twirl in front of my mom right now without just shutting down and panicking because I somehow think she's judging me harshly when she's not at all. I also avoid doing assignments in school or asking questions because I have a huge fear of being considered slow or getting a bad grade. But this also makes my grades worse so it's a terrible endless cycle. I'm out of the relationship and I'm starting to take care of myself but I'm just kind of rusty on OCD knowledge and I'm trying to figure out if these are just new obsessions or if I'm just a perfectionist. Ever since I was little I've had this cronic fear of missing out or not feeling perfect for myself or others. And failure makes me flip the fuck out.

Hey everyone. Does anyone else struggle with wanting to do things “perfectly”? I always want things to be done a certain way, and if I feel as though I’ve made a mistake, or “messed up” I have the urge to start over. How can I overcome this feeling? Thanks for reading.