Feared outcomes

idk why this is such a recurrent thing for me , I get so scared through the day when I’m not distracted when I think about psychosis. or being put in a mental hospital that it gives me bad anxiety, one time I had a panic attack at the thought of having it 💔 I can’t pin point if it’s intrusive thoughts because it’s a fear of mine .. or not. I think this is the worst thought / fear I have

With real event OCD, I don’t know if any of you feel this way, but do you ever feel that the past event(s) that you ruminate about or constantly obsess about are gonna come up in your future and just absolutely ruin you, that’s how I’ve been feeling for months, it just feels like impending doom, and I hate having to even think that my future would be ruined by what I did as a teenager, and I did some dumb things, that I regret so deeply, I just can’t stop thinking about that.

No I’m not attempting or anything. I am just really in a depressive state as of now. I am so convinced that my fear is real you don’t even know. I don’t know what to do. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in a reality where this is all gone. But honestly I don’t know if that would change anything. I’m scared that this is who I was all along, and I’ve just been delaying what I will eventually become. I don’t want to do ANYTHING that my intrusive thoughts say AT ALL. But honestly that doesn’t mean anything anymore. I’m so convinced of the thought “you’ve been doing it this whole time without realizing it.” I think it’s true now. I feel incredibly stuck. I just want to be hugged :(