Do others prefer past OCD themes over their current struggles?

I am having a really hard time figuring out how to address my obsessions and compulsions using ERP. It's actually turned into a main OCD theme of mine and it's terrifying. No reassurance please. I've never had an OCD theme so severe and last so long. This "theme" has been going on for 5 years now & has been the hardest to manage out of any OCD themes in the past and I've had many: Harm, Sexual, Just Right, Symmetry, False Memories, Scrupulosity, etc. I just wanted to put this out there because it's hard to function with these distressing, intrusive thoughts around therapy and how to do it racing inside me.

As the title says I think I might have a new theme coming and it’s meta :( lately I’ve been ruminating on the thought I’ll never get over ocd and even though I’ve made some progress it tells me it doesn’t matter as it’ll always be the same or that I’m in denial with things,or if I don’t constantly keep doing perfectly good with my exposures I’ll always keep going backwards, etc etc. and it doesn’t help it partners with the other themes I have but idk all day I’ve been overwhelmed with these thoughts and last night I had a meltdown over it. Idk what to really do cause I can’t stop ruminating on it and tomorrow is my last day of school and I wanna make it good but I’m afraid my thoughts won’t stop even then or I’ll never actually improve.

Hi I'm new to this app and just wanted to communicate with someone struggling with simular things. My ocd has me feeling so stuck right now, like I just don't know what to do. It's caused me to stay home from school and quit my job due to panic attacks. I should probably specify I have contamination ocd and some other one idk what to call. Closest thing would probably be perfection ocd. A couple days ago I had a really bad panic attack once I got home from work where I cried and sat on the stairs for about 2 hours. I only got up when my mom forced me to, because everytime I tried I just felt like I couldn't move. It was mainly triggered by my job as I find it "dirty" and cant handle it anymore- I quit mt job that night. Then is also when I finally told my mom how I've been feeling because of it and now she's constantly worrying that I haven't hurt myself as I finally told her "I just want it to stop." I don't think I actually would but I can't help but to think what would happen and how I could go about it. I have a therapist I see monthly, but I find it really hard to tell her how bad it's effecting me because it's hard to talk about and Idk what kind of power she has but I don't want her to send me to the ward. Idk if that's even a thing anymore but I'm scared of it. I constantly feel like I have to clean everything and I just dont have the energy to do it. All I want to do is lay in bed. But these "dirty" things full my mind untill they're "clean" again. Not to mention the things I literally can't clean because of their material 🥲 I apologize for the awful organization, these are just my thoughts right now.