Religious and spiritual OCD

I have this boyfriend who i’ve been with for over a year and I love him and I felt like I was ready so I lost my virginity to him and we’ve been having sex for a while. I’ve grown this extreme fear that God hates me and every time I do it, I’m disappointing him or like he no longer likes me because I’ve done it. I tried to pray and ask if I shouldn’t be doing it or if I should stop but I never really get any response or clear answers so I’ve been continuing to do it because I love my boyfriend and I want to be normal and feel normal but the feeling of God hating me seeps and every time we are getting together and every day throughout my life. I go to a Catholic school so every time we pray or God has brought up I feel deep guilt I feel like I’m not worthy of praying, or speaking to God anymore. We had reconciliation the other week, and I finally got up the courage to tell the priest that I lost my virginity and that I felt like God didn’t love me and was looking for some reassurance. the priest responded by saying he doesn’t think God is mad at me but he’s just disappointed in me. This actually made me feel a lot worse because it kind of confirmed the idea that God was disappointed or didn’t like me which to me is very scary and makes me feel sick. A lot of the time it feels like I’m being told I shouldn’t do it and I know I shouldn’t do it but I do it anyway, so I feel like I’m gonna go to hell. But at the same time I feel like if I didn’t have OCD, I wouldn’t be thinking those things and it wouldn’t matter so I feel like I really don’t know what to do.

Username: I'm>ocdI'm>ocd

Date posted: 44w ago

OCD is what is causing you to feel the way you do, and causing you to seek reassurance. God loves you. Know that. God knows that you have strong feelings for your boyfriend, and God understands. We are all part of God's plan, and God knows the path we will take in life even before we do. God knows you're trying to live a life committed to your beliefs, and that you're also trying to live your life in the way that brings you happiness. God wants you to be happy. God doesn't expect us to be perfect. God is perfection, but we are not, and that's ok because it's supposed to be that way. We do our best to be our best. You're not giving your intimacy to someone without any feelings towards that person. No, you're sharing that part of you with someone you seem to care a lot about. God understands your actions are based in love. Know that God loves you and God wants you to be kind to yourself and show yourself some love too.

Username: AnonymousteengirlAnonymoustee...

Date posted: 44w ago

@Exhausted Uncertainty Thank you so much, I really needed this. Bless your soul🙏🏼

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 44w ago

I struggled with this for years. Now I’m happily married and the thought has never come back. Catholicism is great because you can go to confession and start fresh each time. It’s true that sex before marriage is generally considered a sin but I haven’t found any language in the Bible explicitly forbidding it. If you don’t want to continue having sex before marriage then tell your boyfriend. If he can’t respect that, then I think you may have realized he’s not the right one. One of my exes had the same fear and told me that, and I went to church with her and was very supportive of not having sex. But God doesn’t hate you. Just decide what’s more important to you - leading a Catholic life to the letter, or being “normal” and having sex before marriage. I think once you choose a path you’ll feel better. This is also the easiest sin to solve for because once you get married it resolves naturally! Before then, there’s abstinence and confession. Pick your path. You’ll be fine 😎

Username: AnonymousteengirlAnonymoustee...

Date posted: 44w ago

@Anonymous Thank you, this means alot to me!🙏🏼🤍

Username: nlnnoaia

Date posted: 5y ago

TW: I’m so desperate lately. I can’t sleep, eat or do anything else than feeling anxious and unworthy, full of guilt. A couple of days ago I had sex with my boyfriend and wasn’t turned on and suddenly I thought about something that would turn me on in that moment, thought of different things and suddenly I thought „Just think about children, just this one time“ and I feel like I didn’t do anything against it, I even think I enjoyed it and since then I’m full of fear because I always thought OCD means you do not have these thoughts because you want them but because you can’t control them and you do not act on them. But now I feel like I have and I can’t stop thinking I really am a pedophile now. I feel so anxious depressed and guilty and I do not know what to do, I went to my therapist today and she said it’s my POCD, but I feel like a liar, I’m feeling like maybe I don’t have POCD, I am just denying what I truly am it is horrible I don’t know what to do or think. I’m lost

Username: JesusSaves424

Date posted: 1y ago

Anxiety is bad today

I love my boyfriend so much. I am so afraid to get married though because of my OCD. A year ago I was fine and excited to eventually get married, but now it seems super nerve-wracking, and impossible, to me. I am a Christian and I have struggled with a lot of sexual sin in the past, before me and him started dating, but it eats me alive and I feel like if we do get married I have to confess all of it to him and that if I don’t I’m being dishonest and it’s horrifying. I know that nothing I ever struggled with was really that bad, I’m not going to get into that but he pretty much already knows the worst of it, but even when I have opened up to him I just feel like it’s not enough. My intrusive thoughts tell me that if I don’t tell him *everything* I’ve ever struggled with that I’m terrible, dishonest, a bad person, a hypocrite, a liar, that one day things will completely implode, that I’m destroying our relationship even though it’s completely healthy and he’s SO good to me, etc. I hate feeling this way. I want to marry this man, but it has become so terrifying to me. I feel like I absolutely do not deserve him and that I’m too awful and damaged for him. Me and him are long-distance and I’m even scared to meet him, to kiss him, etc. because I’m terrified of these fears coming up when I do. When I picture myself in 5-10 years being potentially married with kids, that thought in itself doesn’t give me anxiety, and in the grand scheme of things I can picture myself moving on from this anxiety, but at the same time in the present moment I feel like I’ll never move past this. I think this may be a form of ROCD and/or scrupulosity. I hate it I hate it I hate it. Does anybody else feel this way? Any other Christians who maybe relate?

Username: JesusSaves424

Date posted: 51w ago

OCD and Christianity

I am a Catholic Christian, and something that has been stressing me out today is the topic of the Final Judgement. One of my OCD fears is cheating on my boyfriend and now I’m having crazy thoughts like “what if I cheated on him, and then on judgement day God judges me for it, and then me and him are eternally separated?”. I’m also really afraid to get married (the fear comes and goes) because I am afraid I will let my OCD sabotage it. I’m afraid I’ll let the shame and guilt get to me and I’ll confess to things I did not do. Ugh. Does any of this make sense?

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