- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
You should tell you’re girlfriend about it. Don’t grill her with questions and worries. Just let her know what you struggle with. Communication helps
- Date posted
- 6y
She is currently my ex now. Going on 4 weeks now. I expressed how I had doubts, and worries about us. Compatibility issues, and things like that. I realize now it was the OCD destroying this again. Having these thoughts I figured by letting them out and telling her I deal with this OCD, I feel it hurt us. I should have kept a lid on it.
- Date posted
- 6y
You can tell her, just once. I agree with Magdalenelaine. Don’t tell her your worries if for reassurance or questions but let her know you’re struggling (: But if you confess and involve her in compulsions, then it will be harmful for your progress. I found that when I stopped talking about my OCD, and stopped googling, my anxiety went down a lot! It really helped me out. I keep most of my worries to myself and it helps me because when usually I ask someone for help, it makes me crave more answers and makes me think about it more and ruminate. Just some thought! Good luck!
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you
- Date posted
- 6y
@Hockeyguy2019 edit: I’m so sorry to hear that. It ruined my relationship too ): it really made it worse and it hurt my boyfriend a lot. I had the same worries,, and i would tell him the thoughts and it hurt him. But eventually I stopped, and I don’t even mention it anymore. We’re doing the happiest we’ve been. I understand you feel a lot of regret, but you learned and that’s good. I am so sorry, it must feel really painful. If you want her back, try proving that you’re working on yourself and show it through actions. Explain to her that you’re sorry. Good luck man
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you. It is painful, and obviously you can best this. You are living proof. This is only my 2nd real relationship. My 1st one I dealt with the same issues, extremely bad this happened. I lost my identity. But I am working on it. She ended things with me even though I was still under the impression we were still together. I never once said I wanted things to end. She took our relationship status down on Facebook. That's how i found out. She had her issues, but I sometimes think the OCD was the real issue. I take blame for everything even though i shouldn't. Thank you all.
- Date posted
- 6y
don’t blame yourself,, sometimes you don’t know for sure if that really is the reason. It really sucks you didn’t have an explanation or reasoning. Me and my boyfriend were broken up before and I recently got him back. I stopped contact with him, and I think that helped him miss me. Take some time to heal. You have a chance to heal now, and a chance to better yourself. Work on your erp, you know what you have issues with, and what you think caused problems. Work on those things. Eat foods and do things for you. Take care of yourself, it’s scarily sad and alone but it will get better everyday.
- Date posted
- 6y
That you. I am getting messages from my exs mother that she misses me and all that, even though I didnt walk, she did. I am taking it day by day. I have always known I have OCD. I just didnt think it would attack the one thing I want in this world. A decent relationship worry free. I am trying to slay the demon and trying to beat this.
- Date posted
- 6y
you got this!!! ? I think you would heal faster if you didn’t talk to your ex’s mother. Hope you can get help soon,, I like your determination!
- Date posted
- 6y
I think you can tell your partner and those around you that you suffer from OCD but you shouldn’t go into the details of your intrusive thoughts with anyone but your therapist, unless your therapist tells you to. When you tell a partner about intrusive doubts, they can’t help but take them seriously and personally. It causes them unnecessary pain. It’s best to stick to generalities about how your OCD is going, ie ive been really struggling with it this week or it’s been getting better or I was making progress but I kind of backslid recently. You can tell them about how it makes you feel, ie I worry I’ll never be happy or I’m scared I won’t manage this well enough to achieve my goals. But stay away from sharing things like “my OCD makes me think I may not really love you or be attracted to you.” There is no way to share this without causing some pain and discomfort to your partner. And if I’m some off chance they can handle it for awhile, it will end up becoming a compulsion and they’ll likely end up reassuring you, which will actually hurt your progress anyways. It’s lose lose.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you all for the insight. I feel like I destroyed the relationship or the possibility of it becoming something great. I tend to take all the blame even though there were things on her end. I always take 99% of the blame which I self inflict on myself. I dont know if its wise to revisit talking to my ex again, or having us try again. But I certainly feel and know that I wont be so forthcoming with my issues. I apparently let it out too soon, or shouldn't have said things at all. I have to fight it on my own. I just felt like I was keeping a giant secret from her. Only way I could get relief mentally was to let it out. But it still didnt make it much easier. Thank you all again so much
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 18w
Hi all! I was wondering if anyone being treated with ROCD and/or SOOCD has some advice on how they handle the things *with* their partner. For context, my ex and I were together ~7 months before we broke up a year ago, in large part due to my severe anxiety from untreated ROCD/SOOCD. I’ve gotten a lot better through NOCD treatment and we’ve been friends since then. But we’re currently in a “situationship” kind of stage, where I think we’re both trying to figure out if the relationship is still feasible, and I’m finding that I’m a lot more triggered as the relationship nears becoming “serious” again. We’re both really trying to figure out the healthiest way to handle when things get hard for me. Does anyone have input about what they’ve learned or found what has worked in their own relationships? Some specific questions: - I’ve found that when getting really triggered in my own head, I have no clue if I should explain how I’m feeling to my partner or how we should address it together. How do you differentiate between communicating versus falling into the confessing/reassurance trap? - Related to the above, my partner and I are both a bit lost on the best way for him to respond when I’m really paranoid (for examples, I have major I’m-being-cheated-on paranoia and overanalyze if I’m enjoying sex enough), or if I’m overreacting to feeling rejected/misunderstood (e.g. “he didn’t respond to my comment just now, he doesn’t care/he doesn’t get me/maybe we shouldn’t be together…”) - How much does your partner know about ROCD/SOOCD in general? How much have you shared with them about your thoughts and experiences? I’ve explained both subtypes and some of my thought processes to him, but definitely not all of it, and I’m not sure how much is helpful for him to know. Answers to any or all of the questions are very much appreciated. Thanks so much in advance! Hope you’re all well 💗
- Date posted
- 18w
I am at a very difficult spot in my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, and I have a history of cheating that for years we’ve been trying to work through. To me, it makes a lot of sense that my OCD has attached itself to this and for the last few years I’ve experienced intrusive sexual thoughts of others and relationship ocd. I have been open to him about the content of my thoughts and now, with a proper diagnosis of an anxiety disorder, I am able to reframe them and work through them with ERP so that my brain will *hopefully* get bored and stop sending them. But, things have not been easy. As a result of this and everything in our past, he has become anxious about all the scenarios where I could be having sexualized thoughts about other people. To him, if I am thinking something utterly different than what I am telling him or acting like to him, he can’t fully trust it. And of course, I can imagine how difficult it is to know your life partner is sexualizing others in her brain and to be able find a way to dismiss them as unthreatening, especially when past mistakes say otherwise. Is there anyone that has gone through this with a partner? And other than repeatedly explaining the egodystonic nature of my thoughts and providing reassurance, what are some things you did that helped them? Any advice helps! Thank you
- Date posted
- 14w
I wanted to talk about my experiences with rOCD since I currently do still suffer from it but I know if I talked about them. My thoughts are just gonna get stronger, but I’ll do it for the sake of talking about my experiences to others who feel like they’re alone. I have a very loving relationship actually my first healthy relationship we are currently still dating one year and six months. I would say these intrusive thoughts started to happen once I hit the one year mark with him. Nothing in the relationship has made me think these thoughts, but it just came. Like when my mind tried to make me think I liked another guy other than my boyfriend and that I was losing feelings for him. I started to panic because I knew that my heart belonged to my boyfriend and having thoughts that were against that belief it made me really anxious cause I never had those thoughts before. I was in and out of the care center at my school constantly having anxiety attacks, and it was affecting me day by day. I talk to my boyfriend about it because my mind can never keep secrets from him because then I would feel like that I’m lying to him… my mind just kinda works that way and I believe it’s due to the situation I have with rOCD. Luckily, he was really supportive.. in thoughts I’ve had was what if I don’t like him anymore or if he doesn’t do this does that mean he likes me or if he’s even the one just a lot of doubts about me and him in the relationship. And for anyone who’s experiencing stuff familiar to this you are not alone invalid only what you believe is what is true. And I know it’s gonna be hard to know what’s true or not because these thoughts that you have versus what’s in your heart you get confused but if you know that you love that person then that’s what true. Also, the only reason why it affected me a lot was because I kept trying to solve it and the only solution is to let those thoughts in and accept that you have those thoughts. I don’t mean as an accept that these thoughts are true, but accepts that those are the thoughts that you’re thinking because if you keep on trying to find a solution to remove them, it only just get worse.
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