- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
You should tell you’re girlfriend about it. Don’t grill her with questions and worries. Just let her know what you struggle with. Communication helps
- Date posted
- 5y ago
She is currently my ex now. Going on 4 weeks now. I expressed how I had doubts, and worries about us. Compatibility issues, and things like that. I realize now it was the OCD destroying this again. Having these thoughts I figured by letting them out and telling her I deal with this OCD, I feel it hurt us. I should have kept a lid on it.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
You can tell her, just once. I agree with Magdalenelaine. Don’t tell her your worries if for reassurance or questions but let her know you’re struggling (: But if you confess and involve her in compulsions, then it will be harmful for your progress. I found that when I stopped talking about my OCD, and stopped googling, my anxiety went down a lot! It really helped me out. I keep most of my worries to myself and it helps me because when usually I ask someone for help, it makes me crave more answers and makes me think about it more and ruminate. Just some thought! Good luck!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Hockeyguy2019 edit: I’m so sorry to hear that. It ruined my relationship too ): it really made it worse and it hurt my boyfriend a lot. I had the same worries,, and i would tell him the thoughts and it hurt him. But eventually I stopped, and I don’t even mention it anymore. We’re doing the happiest we’ve been. I understand you feel a lot of regret, but you learned and that’s good. I am so sorry, it must feel really painful. If you want her back, try proving that you’re working on yourself and show it through actions. Explain to her that you’re sorry. Good luck man
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you. It is painful, and obviously you can best this. You are living proof. This is only my 2nd real relationship. My 1st one I dealt with the same issues, extremely bad this happened. I lost my identity. But I am working on it. She ended things with me even though I was still under the impression we were still together. I never once said I wanted things to end. She took our relationship status down on Facebook. That's how i found out. She had her issues, but I sometimes think the OCD was the real issue. I take blame for everything even though i shouldn't. Thank you all.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
don’t blame yourself,, sometimes you don’t know for sure if that really is the reason. It really sucks you didn’t have an explanation or reasoning. Me and my boyfriend were broken up before and I recently got him back. I stopped contact with him, and I think that helped him miss me. Take some time to heal. You have a chance to heal now, and a chance to better yourself. Work on your erp, you know what you have issues with, and what you think caused problems. Work on those things. Eat foods and do things for you. Take care of yourself, it’s scarily sad and alone but it will get better everyday.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
That you. I am getting messages from my exs mother that she misses me and all that, even though I didnt walk, she did. I am taking it day by day. I have always known I have OCD. I just didnt think it would attack the one thing I want in this world. A decent relationship worry free. I am trying to slay the demon and trying to beat this.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
you got this!!! ? I think you would heal faster if you didn’t talk to your ex’s mother. Hope you can get help soon,, I like your determination!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I think you can tell your partner and those around you that you suffer from OCD but you shouldn’t go into the details of your intrusive thoughts with anyone but your therapist, unless your therapist tells you to. When you tell a partner about intrusive doubts, they can’t help but take them seriously and personally. It causes them unnecessary pain. It’s best to stick to generalities about how your OCD is going, ie ive been really struggling with it this week or it’s been getting better or I was making progress but I kind of backslid recently. You can tell them about how it makes you feel, ie I worry I’ll never be happy or I’m scared I won’t manage this well enough to achieve my goals. But stay away from sharing things like “my OCD makes me think I may not really love you or be attracted to you.” There is no way to share this without causing some pain and discomfort to your partner. And if I’m some off chance they can handle it for awhile, it will end up becoming a compulsion and they’ll likely end up reassuring you, which will actually hurt your progress anyways. It’s lose lose.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you all for the insight. I feel like I destroyed the relationship or the possibility of it becoming something great. I tend to take all the blame even though there were things on her end. I always take 99% of the blame which I self inflict on myself. I dont know if its wise to revisit talking to my ex again, or having us try again. But I certainly feel and know that I wont be so forthcoming with my issues. I apparently let it out too soon, or shouldn't have said things at all. I have to fight it on my own. I just felt like I was keeping a giant secret from her. Only way I could get relief mentally was to let it out. But it still didnt make it much easier. Thank you all again so much
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w ago
I’ve just recently found out that Relationship OCD is a thing. I feel like I relate but it also feels like relationship trauma. I’m in a fairly new relationship and I keep telling myself that things are going great, we are good, he cares for me, but does he? There’s this unbelievable amount of self doubt that sits in me because of what my ex did to me many months ago. I kept getting told that I do too much, i smother, need constant reassurance, then got told that I don’t care enough, the things I do aren’t enough and that I’m not enough. I feel like I am waiting for the day that I get broken up with because of these “problems” just so I can be proven right at the fact that I should be considered unlovable. I go through this every month around my period because I get so emotional and nervous that I stress over the idea that he doesn’t like me. How does someone continue a relationship with Relationship OCD? How do I explain it?
- Date posted
- 11w ago
Last night I had a fucked up intrusive thought/urge about harming my partner and I'm spinning out today. I let them know I had an intrusive thought and was struggling with compulsions around it and future repercussions, but did not tell them exactly what the thought/urge was, which they accepted. Do y'all share details with your partners about harm ocd? How can we healthily ask for support from people we are having horrible thoughts about?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond