- Username
- Pootate
- Date posted
- 37w ago
Why is everything sexual so scary?
everything about it scares me. it sounds painful, terrifying, traumatizing. I know it sounds dumb but every time i see something that remotely affects me sexually it sends me spiralling and i get this like white knuckled fear. im scared to hug people because what if it turns me on, especially if its a man because what if i accidentally turn HIM on and then he cant control himself and forces himself on me? I hate seeing my body especially my private areas now because im worried about turning myself on and touching myself and make myself feel even grosser, which then other people around me can tell ive done and then they KNOW how gross i am for doing that and start leaving me. i keep seeing other womens stories about sexual trauma and i relate to it but then i feel bad for relating to it because i havent actually been raped or molested so then i feel like a fraud taking other peoples stories and making it about me. everything about sex seems terrible but i keep thinking about it that it feels like my body is broken and i must secretly be some sort of degenerate freak.