[Deleted]
- Date posted
- 2y
liliesinbloomliliesinbloom
- Date posted
- 2y
I’ve seen a lot of your posts and I understand you struggle with this a lot. I still don’t have an official diagnosis, but I want to try my best to help to the best of my ability. I’ve seen that sooo many people with OCD doubt that they have it. It can make you question anything! They feel like they’re lying to their therapists and they’re the exception. You are not alone there. I think OCD also loves reassurance. I’ve written so many posts on here and received such helpful answers, and it provides such temporary relief and I always go back to worrying about that thing at some point. I think dealing with uncertainty is what helps a lot of people. It’s something that I haven’t been able to fully accept yet either. You feel like how can I be uncertain about this? The only answer I want is that I’m NOT this person. What has helped me a little is telling myself maybe I am a bad person, not specifying anything just maybe I am a bad person. It feels bad to say that, it hurts. But I know that I DONT want to be and that I’m wanting to be a better person. The fact that you’re in therapy, that you’re on this app, spending time writing all of these posts and expressing how much you don’t like this tells me (in my opinion) you are probably a better person than you might think. But I know that’s probably hard for you to believe. Even if it doesn’t feel like it at all. You are obviously putting in effort. But you don’t have to actually prove anything to anyone. I have also dealt with a porn addiction. The reason you’re having the thoughts pop up then is probably because of fear. It attacks you at the worst moments. I used to be scared to shower because I would get attacked with the thoughts, and I still get it sometimes but I have to try to just accept that there might be thoughts there but it doesn’t say anything about who I am as a person. It’s hard not to argue with it and prove yourself. If I wanted the thoughts I guess I would be happy with them and I would interact with them in a positive way. I have no control over them being there. But responding in fear just sends signals that oh this thought is a threat and it keeps bringing it back up. I hope that therapy goes well for you. Please don’t give up. It’s only your 4th session. Unfortunately I don’t think this can just go away that fast. I think it takes time and a lot of practice. I know I wish it would just go away. But your life is NOT over. Keep going please. I wish you the best
liliesinbloomliliesinbloom
- Date posted
- 2y
@Jay222 @Jay222 I think that OCD tries really hard to make you feel like nobody is experiencing it like you are. I posted on here one time I was cleaning my bathroom, and out of nowhere had an intrusive thought about hurting a child. I wasn’t even thinking about kids I was trying to clean my bathroom and it popped up out of nowhere. But from what I’ve learned OCD doesn’t care where you are, what you’re doing. The thoughts, images, false feelings can come on anytime and there doesn’t necessarily have to be a trigger that being it on. I think especially if you’ve been dealing with it a long time and there’s so much fear built up. You’ve spent so much time trying to prove I’m NOT this, I don’t want this! That I think your brain just constantly pushes that forward because it sees it as threatening. You said you had a porn addiction, it sounds to me that maybe the OCD is latching onto that and trying to attack you in a moment where you’re vulnerable and afraid of it happening. But it’ll keep you questioning yourself and your true intentions. I can’t give much other advice unfortunately other than I would keep sticking with therapy and don’t give up on yourself. I know you’ve probably heard that a lot. But it won’t be the same forever. I know that feeling of urgency where you feel like you have to do something about it now. My only other thing is as someone who doesn’t have therapy yet I really like this guy Robert Bray he’s on instagram and YouTube. I haven’t actually watched his YouTube videos yet but just his posts help give me a different perspective on this and how OCD works. I wish the best for you
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