Trip with friend and her boyfriend

@djflorio Thank you! I really appreciate this so much!! I've been trying to not depending on people, especially my mom, whenever this happens. Lately I've been able to manage it, slowly making process. I heard that identifying things around you can help focus on something else and that's what I've been doing. I'm still anxious just thinking about tomorrow, but I know I can't keep giving in. Do you have any more advice for someone who is a beginner? Baby steps maybe.

@girlyteengirl - Of course! There's a reason that people always bring up breathing when it comes to anxiety or panic. Controlling your breathing is the most efficient way to communicate with your nervous system that everything is ok. All of the symptoms of anxiety and panic (the faster heartbeat, the dry mouth, the butterflies, etc) arise because some subconscious part of the brain thinks that you are in danger. During this moment, your sympathetic nervous system is running the show. It basically gets you ready to fight or run away by pumping you with adrenaline. Ultimately, you want to switch from your sympathetic to your PARAsympathetic nervous system, which is what is active when you are at ease. The best way to do this is to breathe in deeply, and slowly exhale so that the exhale lasts LONGER than the in-breath (this is key). You don't have to be super loud and dramatic with it, just in through the nose, out through the nose or mouth (gently, as if you're trying to blow onto a candle without it going out). The more you do this, the more the physical symptoms will die down. The reason this works is that the brain is programmed to know that you are safe if you are breathing in a controlled way. If you were actually about to get attacked by a tiger, you would have no time to focus on your breathing. By controlling the breathing, the brain goes, "oh I'm breathing fine, so I must be safe," and it switches the parasympathetic nervous system on, which puts the body at ease. The second reason that breath control works is that it forces you to be present. This helps to prevent you from going down the rabbit hole of thought. Feel the sensation of the air as you breath in through your nose, and the sensations of the air leaving the tip of the nose or your lips. The great thing about this is that you can practice it all the time. Even if you aren't particularly anxious, you can always practice your calm breathing, and really notice how it makes you feel. The more you do that, the more effective it will be when it really counts. Hope this helps. Lemme know if you have other questions.

@djflorio Thank you, again. I'm so scared to be honest I wont lie, and a part of me wants to back down, but I'll remember this and think of your help, it's greatly appreciated!! Really. It makes me feel less alone. I just really don't want to ruin her day and have my friend and her boyfriend have the responsibility of taking care of me. I feel like I've been losing my mind lately and I haven't been myself. I don't want to lose control. Having to ground myself is the worst for me because I just want it to end and I have to bring myself to focus on something else. Might sound weird, but I also do self affirmations when I find myself in an anxious state, like saying "You're ok" or "I love you" kind of like baby talking to myself, has that ever had any effect on you? I'm babbling you can tell haha. I'm having second thoughts about this already :P

@girlyteengirl Haha don't worry I know what you mean. I can't respond fully at the moment, but will as soon as I can!

@djflorio No worries!

@girlyteengirl - I understand what you mean. It's almost like the fact that you HAVE to ground yourself at all causes more anxiety, because it's like you're admitting that something is "wrong" with you. "Having to ground myself is the worst for me because I just want it to end and I have to bring myself to focus on something else." Therein lies the difficulty of overcoming things like anxiety and panic. I'm guessing you feel like grounding yourself, or focusing on something other than your anxiety, is almost like a cop-out, or "giving in." It might feel irresponsible to ignore what's happening, or that things are only going to get worse unless you find a way to stop it RIGHT NOW. But that's where the paradox is. There more you try to stop it or get rid of it, the longer it will stick around. This is because by desperately trying to get rid of those feelings, you are signaling to the nervous system that THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT, and that it SHOULD be worried. This is why I think it's good to "distract" yourself by noticing what happens to your body. This way, you aren't ignoring the emotions, you're literally seeing them for what they are. Emotions just want to be felt and seen, like a child that is screaming for your attention. Imagine trying to "get rid" of a child that is upset and screaming for your attention. That would make them feel worse. Instead, you acknowledge that they are upset and you comfort them. As for self affirmations, if those work for you then by all means keep doing it. Just keep in mind that the systems at play here don't understand language at all. That's why you can't "logic" yourself out of anxiety or panic, and that's why it doesn't help when people tell you to "calm down." The parts of the brain responsible for these emotions are subconscious, ancient parts of the body that developed long before humans had the ability to communicate with each other through speech. Quite literally, they don't understand words, they understand feelings. That's why the best treatment for anxiety is SHOWING the brain that you are okay, not telling. That's why breathing works, and exposure therapy. Once you live through experiences and come out unscathed, those parts of the brain slowly begin to update to understand when you are safe. Now I'm the one who's rambling!

@girlyteengirl - And I understand not wanting to ruin your friend's day. How you deal with that largely depends on the relationship you have with your friend, but in general, if someone really values you as a friend, they won't disown you for feeling anxious or having an episode. You may want to consider disclosing to your friend that you are excited for the trip, AND you are a bit anxious about it (the use of "and" is important here, rather than "but"). You might think that's crazy, because you don't want to seem weird or make them worried, but disclosing things that you're worried about can be an extremely relieving and helpful thing to do. That's because much of our anxiety comes from trying to hide our true feelings. If you try to act confident and composed when deep down you are nervous and worried, that will create what's called "cognitive dissonance," which is when your behavior doesn't align with your feelings or values. The more cognitive dissonance you have, the more anxious you will likely feel. You might be surprised how accepting most people are with that sort of thing. Your friend might even respect you more, and feel special that you decided to hang out with her despite feeling that way. Of course, I don't know this person so do whatever feels right to you.

@djflorio I made sure to tell her my honest feelings about the trip, but also my excitement! Originally it was going to be a trip to New York and my mom wouldn't allow me to go because of my current condition (I don't blame her, its hectic over there especially nowadays) but plans got changed to somewhere more closer, so it eased me a little. Today's the day. I'm pretty anxious, and I wanna be make sure I'm transparent not only to friend about that but to myself. I'm also excited not only to see her but to take on the challenge. Even tho I'm uncomfortable I know that It'd do better for me than avoiding this situation, like I normally do, and I'll greatly regret it. I have moments where I feel like I'm not "really there" and my brain feels fogged up and I can't focus on anything than that, so that's what normally triggers the panic/anxiety. Again thank you for your words and honestly if it weren't for you I'd probably avoid this whole situation I'll most likely make an updated post.

@girlyteengirl - Amazing! Sounds like you have the right attitude. Very happy to hear that I could help. No matter what happens, you WILL be able to learn something from this experience. You will grow in some way. There is a great quote that I like to remember when I'm feeling down or scared, by a poet named Kahlil Gibran: "Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding." In other words, painful or difficult experiences always end with some sort of understanding, or a greater perspective of life. And if it helps, that feeling of "not really being there" is basically just a defense mechanism that the brain uses when it feels overstimulated with stress/anxiety. It's just another thing to recognize, see, and accept. You can even smile, because it's only the brain trying to comfort the body during stressful times (even if it isn't particularly useful in this case, haha). Have fun!