UGH!

hey guys, not really ocd related but i need some advice :/ so since my ocd started this summer i kinda stopped talking to ppl and making plans. and during the summer it was ok because i was away so it made sense. but since i jane back in september, i still haven’t really talked to people and made plans. especially with my best friend. i’m not mad at her or anything, but it’s a mix of being introverted, anxious, and she recently came out as bi, so being around her triggers me when she talks about it. about a month ago she confronted me abt it and said she was upset that i wasn’t making an effort to be her friend anymore, and so then i hung out w her that day. but i haven’t rly talked to her since. it’s been a month since i saw her last, and more since i last texted her. i feel so bad about it. i want to talk to her again. and her birthday is at the end of the month so i want to be able to talk to her then. ig i’m not sure how to go about reconnecting since it’s been so long. if y’all have any tips that would be greatly appreciated.

So I'm going through ERP. My partner and I have agreed a hierarchy. One of the items we are tackling is packages coming into the house. I wasnt letting my partner do it so this was the task. I agreed with my therapist that it is reasonable to ask my partner to dispose of the outer packaging and let the stuff thats inside sit in a clean area and that she would wash her hands afterwards and inwoukdnt challenge her or follow behind cleaning up. Or doing any safety behaviours. This is fine buy I just feel that she is so so thoughtless. I told her only yesterday that every morning I wake up I am anxious for about an hour until I come round. on top of that she knows that I am not sleeping, I get about 2 hours from 6am every day. While I was sleeping this morning a package came and instead of leaving it on the doorstep as we normally do she just brought it in and opened it etc. Now I know that essentially what she did was right but it didn't give me a chance to challenge the ocd in a controlled way. I woke up.already anxious and saw that a package had arrived and she just did what she liked. On top.of all that today is the 1 year anniversary of my dad's death. I'm just anxious full stop. She thinks she supports me well but she really has no consideration or understanding for me I feel. I said to her today that whilst essentially what she did was right I had told her that I wake up anxious every morning and it would of been better to wait to do the behavioural experiment when I was fully conscious and I wasn't in already such a heightened state. It took me about an hour to calm down and ti be honest I'm still not calm. I am angry and resentful and I just keep focusing on points where she could have touched with contaminated hands and focusing on all the negatives of her personality and our relationship. I feel alot of the time that I would rather live on my own during this pandemic and not have her triggering my ocd or have tohave the guilty feeling about making her feel like crap and trapped because of the restrictions ocd puts on her. While I was trying to calm down I was thinking about ways that I could just finish things and move out. I know that I would be alot more lonely without her but it would be less difficult to manage my ocd and it wouldn't change things really as I look after myself in the house anyway...i cook, I clean, I do the washing I support and care for myself as she dies nothing except order takeaways and ear crap. She would never eve think of cooking a dinner for us. I might aswell live on my own anyway as the conversation is scant and so is the affection. I know that ocd has affected my mood and I'm.deoressed and anxious all the time aswell as having had preliminary diagnosis of MS. But I feel wholey unsupported and uncared for by her and quite lonely actually. I know she may feel that way too but 8 do TRY ti make her feel.less that way. I cook her meals and try ti be affectionate but the she just doesn't listen. Never hears me. And doesn't even listen or stop to think about ocd and how to approach it with me, as in working the way up the hierarchy in the correct way. I just feel unsupported and there is no way that I can say that to her as she is sensitive at the moment and takes everything as a criticism. I said ti her that whilst what she did this morning was essentially correct it would of been better ti wait considering I told her on waking up im in a high state of anxiety already. She just made a face and ignored me. How can I work with that?? I'm so depressed at the minute and unhappy in every aspect of my life. I know she must feel that way too but I can only manage my own feeling and im not doing very well at that. Sorry to all who reads this for it being a very long post im just very down at the moment

So frustrated with the misunderstanding of OCD today. A friend of mine gave me a bag with gifts for every day until Christmas (like an advent calendar sort of thing). Because of my OCD, I have a hard time handling/touching things that have come into my home from "outside." I thought this would be a great exposure having to open a gift each day this month. I was even considering telling this friend about my OCD, explaining ERP, and how her gifts could help me in my recovery. Well we were just texting one another about what we're baking for the holidays and how we like the combination of sweet and salty. Then she says this: "I'm surprised I like that combo because I have always had OCD tendencies and hated mixing flavors and foods like that." UGH. Just when I think it might be safe to share my "secret." Nope. Not gonna happen. Now I'm just mad. Thanks for letting me vent.