Can intrusive thoughts feel like your actual thoughts and who you are as a person the longer you have them? It feels like it is a reflection of who I am but a year ago when this started it was easier to point out. Now I donāt know.
Yes, for me especially when it comes as sentences. When my intrusive thoughts are images I know it's not me, but when it comes like "I liked it" "I want it" "I would like it" "I'll do it" "what if" It's hard for me š¢
@Lizzie Scheav Exactly. Itās hard to know whatās real when you start to see that as who you are even when it isnāt.
It has taken me over like itās my new identity. Itās like Iāve been lying to myself.
Iām always ruminating or looking back in the past. When I do this I always get these intrusive images/memories that feel like actual memories. Iāll get so panic in the moment I sometimes forget what it showed. I mean they feel like a real past memory and scare the hell out of me. I pray theyāre not real. It happens multiple times a day that itās like my mind is on defense.
Yes absolutely. I often get scared that I am intentionally having the thoughts because I am so used to having them. Sometimes when I donāt have them I get worried that I never had ocd and think about the thought which makes me believe it was my fault. I also get my thoughts when I am agitated which makes me believe even more that they are mine. Can you relate?
@OCDSurvivor123 A bit yeag
Does anyone recall a time where intrusive thoughts didnt bother you then all of a sudden they bothered you and you couldnāt tell the difference between your memories and intrusive thoughts.
So Iām going to college soon and every time I think about it, I feel like the odd one out because of my intrusive thoughts. Like I literally feel like an āintruderā going to school because of how my thoughts make me feel. This is also every time I talk to my friends, my brain is like āyour friends are talking to a future criminalā. I just feel like I donāt deserve to be there and have good memories and like my thoughts are inevitable. I feel like a completely different person from who I was before June. Of course I have had these thoughts throughout my life, but nothing that stuck longer than a week or two. Itās so weird how one day your perfectly happy and the other you feel like a completely different person. Furthermore, while these thoughts donāt make me happy and provide anxiety, those feelings feel so forced sometimes. Also Iām sure a lot of us do this, but when I think of the thought and want to feel disgust (as one does), it feels like Iām forcing that feeling. During the beginning of June I was nauseated by these thoughts and crying most days, now they just feel annoying more than anything because thereās nothing I can really do to provide relief. I constantly am questioning whether this is me or not and at this point I donāt even know. I feel like the thoughts have gradually went from making me want to vomit to questioning whether I would actually do it. Anyone else?
I think I realized (probably too late) that Iām scared of losing myself to one of these themes. Iām not sure if itās like this for everyone but sometimes when I have intrusive thoughts it slowly erodes my own sense of self. Intrusive thoughts become so muddied and virtually indistinguishable from my own. I have this idea of myself that all of my intrusive thoughts go entirely against, and Iām afraid I wonāt be me anymore. I am trying to practice more self love, and more self care in general. Iām trying here. To gain a self esteem, to not be in control but to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
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