- Date posted
- 1y
Help mešš
Trying to remember a night out that I was intoxicated but remembering it backwards and visualising it all, itās driving me crazy and donāt know my brain feels blocked and about to bust
Trying to remember a night out that I was intoxicated but remembering it backwards and visualising it all, itās driving me crazy and donāt know my brain feels blocked and about to bust
I would try to stop doing this, your ocd is capable of mixing up your real and false memories. You could end up interjecting a false memory into a real memory and wind up being seriously confused.
I have this issue as well. I don't remember what happened and then try to piece it together and stress and worry for months. I found it was best to quit drinking.
@Always-overthinking Itās horrific isnāt it? Iām going to own upto it
@Always-overthinking What was your theme about?
Who I upset, who was mad at me?
@Always-overthinking Oh I understand, did you have anything themes around rape etc? After a night out
Yes! I was told by a guy that he quit drinking while with me one evening because I said I'm not having sex with you several times. I woke up naked and was convinced he had sex with me and worried I did not consent to it.
@Always-overthinking Oh never, Iāve bet that have played havoc with your head, I hope your okay and getting better, are you just trying to remember it all? Iām the opposite I feel Ive done it and Iām the criminal to someone I feel horrendous
That would be awful. Sounds like we are on opposite ends of the situation.
@Always-overthinking I know thatās what I mean I feel horrendous 24/7, donāt know what to do with myself what do you suggest?
Yes I try to remember it all, it's hard to piece together when your brain won't let you remember it.
@Always-overthinking Yeah Iām the same I try to remember everything about the night, every detail and always go over the night in my head
@Always-overthinking I know thatās what I mean I feel horrendous 24/7, donāt know what to do with myself what do you suggest?
@ Anonymous When I get that way I try to isolate myself and take deep breaths to calm down. Then I will ask my friends for details to see if they can help piece the night together. If it's other stuff I find exercise helps calm my mind. Running especially. I have to run with music on though, otherwise I start thinking about stuff. š¬
@Always-overthinking Iām exactly the same Iām filled with fear, does everything you use to enjoy feels like a chore now, I just feel everythingās pointless for me and I should own upto it, do you struggle to sleep as I do
@ Anonymous I used to struggle with sleep, but I am so exhausted from being so busy, that I normally pass out.
@ Anonymous I do feel like somethings are a chore. Like my job, school, kids, taking care of home. I don't remember the last time I fixed a meal.
@Always-overthinking Yeah Iām the opposite I isolate myself in my room because Iām full of guilt, do you see a therapist and medication?
@ Anonymous I am doing neither. I've been managing it well, until I start dating someone or get into a relationship. Since I don't go out and drink anymore.
@Always-overthinking This has put me the other way I run away from relationships etc. Iāve stopped drinking but think it was too late before I messed my life up that night
I meant if I get into a relationship it flares up.
@Always-overthinking Oh right I understand, have you been diagnosed with OCD? I havenāt and donāt even know if it is which is making it worse
@ Anonymous I have not. I always thought it was anxiety and was diagnosed with that. But the older I get the more I think it is OCD
@Always-overthinking Yeah I understand from that night when did you think it was OCD, I had about 4 months were I didnāt have a clue it couldāve been OCD, how fast from that night did you realise it may of been OCD
Examples of my worrying. Things having to be lined up, light switch switch 7 times, door knobs jiggled 7 times, wash has and scrub 7 times, house will burn down if it does not happen. Pray for certain people every night, if they die it's my fault, if I didn't pray.
@Always-overthinking Yeah I get you itās torturous
@anonymous, what stupid things did I do? I make bad choices when I drink. I have waken up naked and then don't remember what happened. Did I have sex with someone? Then I'm convinced I'm pregnant. How did I get home. What stupid things did I say? How did I act?
There is not just a specific incident. It's been years of different things happening. Since I was a child.
@Always-overthinking Could you give me examples of not do t worry I totally understand
So. I was in a traumatic relationship. for a long time. it was filled with gaslighting, manipulation, abuse, cheating ect. I would OBSESS over finding out where they were, what they were doing, who they were talking too. but I couldnāt leave. I tried so hard but I never could. they would call me names, physically hurt me, throw things, break things. because I would question them all the time. but I just couldnāt leave. no matter what I knew. they would manipulate me. I fell for their childhood trauma. itās like I lost all logic. but I also feel like I have a pretty good memory with memories. not all the way, but remembering a lot of the traumatic things. especially now that Iām no longer with them. I keep remembering things thatās happened. even from my childhood. one time way before I even started dating this person, I had an intrusive thought about a friend of mine. that was with me. and I freaked out. I thought I had acted on the intrusive thought the next day. I asked my friend for confirmation but they said nothing happened. but the memories about it feel SO REAL. so VIVID. but they swore that nothing happened and they had no idea what I was talking about. Iāve struggled with intrusive thoughts for my whole life. so fast forward to now, that āfalse memoryā from my friend randomly popped up and I started obsessing about it, and my childhood āmemoriesā that have popped up. and then I was reading an article of someone doing something horrible, and then it sounded āfamiliarā and so then Iāve created this whole memory of me doing something similar to the article involving my partner doing it also. the memory keeps adding new things and conversations around it. when it involves an actual real memory. but itās like itās been twisted from what I remembered before. I also suffer from bad anxiety. Iāve stalked pictures. my search history to figure out what I was doing that say when the real event happened. and Iāve found some things but I canāt look through my texts because I got a new phone. it has been hounding me for months. MONTHS. trying to figure out if this new āmemoryā is real or not. if itās been fabricated by an intrusive thought from reading the article and thinking āwhat ifā or if it actually happened and because Iām no longer in this relationship itās a ārepressed memoryā but the thing is I have horrible horrible anxiety and I donāt think I could have gone this long knowingly that that happened without remembering it until now. because I remember a lot of the horrible things that they did. this āmemoryā is fuzzy, but it brings me horrible anxiety when I think of it, like I feel like it happened. but I also feel like it didnāt happen. because I know I would never do anything like that. but WHAT IF I DID, because I was manipulated. idk. is this a false memory. I really need help. because itās been debilitating. that relationship was really traumatic. and I got manipulated into a lot of things. but I wouldnāt have just went forward knowing that that happened??? thereās no way I could have just forgotten it. because before when I would think about that night it was different, until now. but what if I just made myself forget what truly happened?? Iām a pretty self aware individual, but somehow that relationship really REALLY put me into a trance somehow where I allowed things that I have no idea how I would even allow because before I met that person I would have never allowed someone to cheat on my constantly or talk to me the way they did. or allow abuse. like I donāt understand it.
I feel so scared and gross and i keep replaying everything in my head for reassurance but everything feels blurry. I just need exact information, exact proof that I didnāt hurt someone.
How do you know the difference :( I genuinely cannot keep living in this torment. it all started with an āintrusive thoughtā where I had like a hazy flash of something reading an article. and I remember thinking āwhat ifā and āwhat is thisā and then that intrusive thought turned into me ārememberingā something else. which caused me panic. then I started trying to find evidence because it contradicted what I remembered this entire time. this was last year in like september. fast forward to march this year, it came back up- but this time stronger and with more ādetailsā and what nots. and Iāve been ruminating on it since then trying to remember and connect and Itās like Iāve added all of these details. but are they real? or is this just my OCD? I just feel like if it were real I would have never been able to keep it to myself. but also what if it was so traumatic that I blocked it out? because it all makes NO sense for me to do something like that. but it also fits what I was thinking at the time. idk
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