- Date posted
- 1y
False Memory OCD hope!!!
I hope this post finds someone who is currently struggling with this ocd theme. Long story short, about 3 months ago I experienced an encounter where it has traumatized me to the core. I have relationship OCD due to the fact that I was unfaithful to my partner at the beginning of our relationship. I built such fear and trauma from it to not do it again. My partner knows everything! But what I want to say today is that there is hope. These past 3 months has been a living hell for me. I experienced false memory so severely and bad. To explain the experience, I went to the gym to cancel my membership. Like I mentioned, I have slight fear with guys because of what I went through. I do admit to my faults, I was being nice to this guy. He was super friendly/outgoing. And from the start I remember thinking nothing of it but to be nice and chill towards this guy ( usually I’m super serious). Unfortunately, it is completely out of my memory now. But I said at the beginning I had an intrusive thought about being extra friendly to this guy behind my boyfriend’s back. Mind you it turned into something crazy because through I and my boyfriend’s messages, I said that the thought was about flirting. But I’ve always remembered as friendly. That completely distorted my memory. So during this months I’ve been trying to figure it out and see if after whatever thought I had, I smiled more or not due to the malicious intrusive thought I had. Then it jumped into, I don’t remember and ‘ what if ‘ I flirted with this guy or flirtatiously smiled at him. Constant doubts about this situation and the amount of anxiety this brought to me. My boyfriend said if there was any flirtation at all he’s leaving. So that left me in the trenches because as a person with OCD, there’s a 0 tolerance for uncertainty especially with a memory. Although it brought me days of not eating because I was so fixated on I have to know every detail of this encounter. Recently, I started to think to myself. Life is not always gonna be 100% certainty. But there is such thing called logic. For people going through FALSE MEMORY. Listen to me right now, if you did something bad, you just know. There’s no doubt or anything. Unless you have very short term memory like actually diagnosed. I started to think about it and told myself, you know what; if I flirted with this guy, I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED. If I would have smiled in a flirtatious way towards this guys I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED. Any aspect that would have made me uncomfortable, I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED. That is logic. You can ask any person right now and ask them hey do you remember this memory by detail and they will say NO. But if you ask them, in this case, did you smile in a flirty way or flirt with them they’ll say no. But how if you don’t remember the details, and I promise there answer would be well I wouldn’t do that and ontop of that if I would have I would’ve known that since it happened and would’ve recalled. So please anyone going through false memory, listen up, if it begins with ‘ what if ‘ shut that off right then and there. You remember big details, as humans we are prone to that. Move forward and drop whatever you are going through and live your life!!!! Stop torturing yourself.