Is this even ROCD

Hi, I have never posted on a forum before because I’m scared someone will come back and say ‘it’s not OCD’. Anyway, I have always had obsessional thoughts. Always obsessed about my health and if I was going to die. I have always had intrusive thoughts and when I was around 16 I had my first awful one HOCD. This made me feel so sick and I couldn’t leave my bed. Would look at women and get groinal responses and would avoid anything LGBTQ. I then suffered with POCD, which I nearly asked to be sectioned over. Now, I am with my current partner (2months) and we are moving in together in 2 weeks. I have known him since I was 14 and have always had a thing for him. Anyway, last year there was this person at work who I forced and convinced myself to ‘like’ don’t even know if I even did to be honest. But his background is awful and everyone around me said it was a bad decision and I knew this too. We used to talk all the time but yeah, anyway… I said I didn’t want a relationship and distanced myself from him and never really thought about him. I’m now in my relationship with my current partner and I adore him. He is fully aware of what is going on in my head. I have also just started therapy. My head is comparing him to this guy at work. Makes me think they look alike, but this all stemmed from when my current partner was talking about his family past and I instantly thought oh no, I hope my family doesn’t think this is bad (they love him). So now, my head is saying ‘what if you love this other guy’ what if the reason you can’t get this out your head is because the universe is giving you a sign’ ‘what if everyone told you not to go there, then what’ the thoughts are endless and honestly, I can’t stop crying, it is making me physically sick, have panic attacks. I confess to my partner all the time and he is honestly so supportive! I feel like I’m mentally cheating or what if I’m denial. When we first got together I was fine. No thoughts and then bang I’m consumed. My head is filled with them. I feel congested with him. I feel disgusting. I look for reassurance. I constantly look on Quora and Reddit. I can’t cope. I love my current partner! And we tried getting together years ago but it wasn’t our time and since, I thought about him every now and again and now my brain is saying ‘oh see, what if it’s the same situation with this guy a work’ I just want coping mechanisms and relief. This honestly feels like torture.!!! oh and my head says ‘what if you go to therapy and discover your true desires and it turns out that it isn’t ocd’

Username: silkmothhsilkmothh

Date posted: 36w ago

I'm new here but I relate to this heavilyyy, I'm also worried about my attraction to others and others attraction to me. But I love my husband, been together for 6 years, when I tell him I'm having "bad thoughts" he knows almost exactly what's going on in my head. So, I started a note on my phone where I list every time something reminds me that we love each other. When I need reassurance I'll go and read each point and focus on remembering the feelings from the moment.

Username: Parisx Parisx

Date posted: 36w ago

@silkmothh Stay strong! I am here if you need to talk! X

Username: mia1234mia1234

Date posted: 36w ago

i feel you and i know your hurt. it’s like your mind won’t ever shut up. i often wonder if i will ever feel peace again and that makes me cry and panic. my partner is the most important thing to me and that scares the sh*t out of me. it’s like OCD latches on to the best things in life and turns it into pain and fear. like when i was younger OCD was centered around my families health and wellness along with my own. now it’s morphine’s into ROCD which sucks so bad and i don’t know what to do. i have me NOCD intake call today so i hope this will be the first step to finding peace again. stay strong 🙏🏻

Username: Parisx Parisx

Date posted: 36w ago

@mwbrown10 Thank you for replying! I used to get intrusive images when I was little that my mum would be killed. I love my partner too and these thoughts won’t shut up. It goes round and round all day long! It’s making me angry now! Good luck with your call! Stay strong too!

Username: Chickens_FrogsChickens_Frogs

Date posted: 36w ago

@mia1234 I had my first and only real panic attack as a kid pre-puberty and don’t know where it came from. Agree if you can’t shut off the talk in your head it generally doesn’t go to a place that’s good. For me, it’s usually an anxious thought loop of depressive thought loop. I feared my parents were going to die when I was a kid. I worried about that a lot and some of my own health. Now they are 83yrs old and I see their health declining and it’s rough. I have become avoidant because it starts thoughts I don’t want to go down. Problem is they won’t be around that much longer so I am missing out but yet I still don’t go over there. I feel like there is no winning some days because it’s either depression, anxiety, OCD or ADHD in the drivers seat of my brain. It’s like playing whack a mole trying to get my head straight. ADHD better then OCD worse. OCD worse then overall GAD worse then depression kicks in. Viscous cycle. Sorry to any late diagnosed ADHD people or OCD that couldn’t figure out why they couldn’t get their crap together. Still haven’t figured it out.

Username: mia1234mia1234

Date posted: 36w ago

@Chickens_Frogs i’m sorry for your suffering. thank you for sharing and validating. stay strong 💪🏻

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 36w ago

Oh GIRL this is me every single thing you said been there, multiplied by 100 I’ve thought every single thought you can imagine about work scenarios my boyfriend also knows my thoughts I have weird ones about everything even another guy that walks past. It’s just your mind trying to sabotage something you love so much

Username: Parisx Parisx

Date posted: 36w ago

@Anonymous It genuinely feels like torture doesn’t it!!! Are you still struggling? X

Username: WellerStorn98WellerStorn98

Date posted: 35w ago

hey, i'm really sorry you're going through all this. it sounds incredibly tough, but i admire your courage in reaching out and starting therapy. that's a huge step. 🌟 you should try "unstuck," a new ai-powered therapy tool specifically for ocd (just google "unstuck app for ocd"). my nocd therapist recommended it to me, and it's been a game-changer this past month. might be worth a shot for you too. 💙

Username: Parisx Parisx

Date posted: 35w ago

@WellerStorn98 Thank you lovely! I appreciate it x

Username: WellerStorn98WellerStorn98

Date posted: 35w ago

@Parisx - you're welcome:))

Username: Ridethewave

Date posted: 5y ago

HOCD, ROCD and TOCD . . . So my OCD recently all began with ROCD, I felt guilty all the time with my boyfriend, I wanted to stay with him so bad and I love him so much but my anxiety kept telling me to leave and that something wasn't right, that I'm going to be alone forever. Then my HOCD came up, "something doesn't seem right, what if you're actually gay?" and I struggled with this for about 2-3 months. After accepting that even if I am gay, I'm staying with my boyfriend.. The theme of being a transgender came up. That was the absolute worst of them all. It was at a time my anxiety was at its Peak so I was feeling disassociated and my mind just tried to explain that feeling as "you're in the wrong body". I was thoroughly convinced I was a man in a girls body for a solid 3 weeks, I woke up and that was the first thing on my mind "your a man and now youre going to lose your boyfriend, your life and everything that makes you, you." I didn't want to be a man, but my mind was saying "too bad, you are". I eventually went to therapy for this feeling, (they didn't diagnose me with OCD so they weren't treating me as an OCD patient) the thoughts eventually went away but now I'm back on my HOCD. Ive now thorougly convinced myself that I'm gay and will be with a woman for the rest of my life. I don't want to be and this thought scares me. I want to be with my boyfriend, not a woman. But my mind is saying "too bad, just accept that your a lesbian, you're in denial, just come out" but I don't want to be a lesbian ? can anyone relate to the feeling of convincing yourself to the point where you believe it?

Username: Sapphic Soph

Date posted: 4y ago

This is so long ah I’m so sorry. I’m really just trying to get all my thoughts out/ see if anyone feels similarly/ and what they’ve found helps. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I’ve looked into it a lot and feel that I might have ROCD. (I was once diagnosed with anxiety, but didn’t keep up with therapy because my parents weren’t keen on it.) Now I really want to invest in it to get a formal diagnoses/help, and I’m going to start looking into that. I’m scared that this isn’t ROCD, and I’m truly just in the wrong relationship, or not actually in love with my partner. But then sometimes I’m certain it is? We’ve been together for a year and a couple of months, and it has been wonderful. She makes me feel so loved and so understood. She is my best friend. But this summer when we were on break from school I started getting major doubts once I’d found out about ROCD and some of my thoughts lined up with it’s description. I’d already started to have doubts before the summer. She is the first person I‘ve slept with, and it took a while for me to have an orgasm, and that made me freak out and start to question my attraction towards her/our compatibility. Every time we’d have sex I’d worry over this. (Though I also think it has to do with me not knowing what I wanted/what I liked in bed) Our sex life got better but I still had obsessive thoughts. I have them daily - “what if I don’t love her” or “what if this isn’t the right relationship” or “should I be dating someone else” When I’m with her I’m constantly checking. If we kiss, I’ll analyze how it feels (or how it doesn’t) and the same thing goes for when she compliments me or says she loves me. I’ll say I love her but something in my brain will say “but do you really?” Honestly, I’ve gotten to the point where when I think of her or am with her it makes me so anxious. I literally feel it in my stomach and chest. It’s so hard to deal with. I can’t make it stop. I think part of it is that I’m anxious that I’ll feel anxious/start to have obsessive thoughts, so I get anxious? I just want to be able to think of her and be around her and not feel so scared and anxious and always checking. I feel like my anxiety isn’t letting me truly experience my relationship.

Relationship OCD

Username: ashxfire19

Date posted: 2y ago

Is this ROCD?

Hi all, I just joined this app today after finding its recommendation on reddit so bear with me. The past three weeks of my life has been a living hell. Out of nowhere, I started obsessing about if I need to leave my partner. So let me just say, I love my partner so much, we’ve been together for 1.5 years. The thoughts about leaving him are eating me up and pulling me apart. For three weeks straight now from the second I wake up to the second I fall asleep, all I can think about is how I feel like I have to break up with my boyfriend even though I don’t want to. Nothings changed in our relationship but these thoughts have sent me into a spiral. I’ll spend hours reading articles about staying together and breaking up, having multiple crying meltdowns a day about the thought of losing him and that I don’t love him anymore, and feel like I can’t make this anxiety go away unless we break up (AND I DONT WANT TO AT ALL.) This has given my physical symptoms of nausea, chest ache, stomach issues, and mental symptoms of a pit in my stomach, constant feeling of dread, obsessive thoughts that I can’t stop thinking, and the guilt is unimaginable. I love him and I can’t imagine being with someone else. I don’t know what to do anymore. Is this ROCD or am I a bad partner?

Relationship OCD

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