Any book recommendations on OCD ?📚

This my first post and frankly I am so scared. I was diagnosed with OCD as my first diagnosis, at only 10 years old. Ever since, my OCD has COMPLETELY overtaken my mind and actions. Im scared that if I ever get my OCD figured out and under control, I may loose a part of myself, because its so familiar to me and all Ive ever known. As someone who is ready to tackle their extreme OCD thinking, where should I start? I am open to any/all suggestions. PLEASE leave any advice that you recommend and that has benefited you in your own journey!!!! Thanks!

Hi ❤️ I’m really struggling right now I’m in my sophomore year of Highschool and I’ve finally started planning or thinking abt my future (for context I was extremely depressed and suicidal from 6-9th grade) After conquering my depression this is a huge leap for me and I’m proud of myself ❤️ But there’s something still holding me down :( and I’m not sure what to do anymore that thing is OCD. Since 6th grade I have had strong and invasive intrusive thoughts all the time they scare me so bad and make me feel as though I’m not even real anymore :( I’m sick of taking the time to do ridiculous compulsions to rid or ease these thoughts it’s a waste of time and energy and it hurts me so bad I feel like I will never get to just live my life without this :( How can I plan my future when I can’t even find myself in this mess of anxiety 💔 I’m so tired of fighting my mental health it’s been years from anxiety attacks to sh to survived suicide attempts (I got help dw❤️‍🩹) and recovery there. Just to be thrown into a storm of awful scary sickening thoughts day and night-when can I just be a normal teenager and possibly a happy adult? How do I conquer this so I can love myself to the fullest and live my life free and happy? :( ❤️❤️‍🩹 I’m so scared to talk to my parents about it I’m ashamed of my thoughts and every time I bring it up they just say I shouldn’t be diagnosing myself or it’s just ADHD. It really really hurts me they have no idea how awful this feels and it makes me feel so alone sometimes 💔

I really do want to go to therapy or psychiatrist to diagnosed my OCD and give me a treatment but it costs a lot. OCD ruins my life and consumes my mind I wish I can take a break from my own brain. Having OCD but undiagnosed feels like I’m crazy because people think I made that up but they don’t know how I’m struggling since I was a kid. So anyone have an advice for treat OCD especially checking OCD that doesn’t cost money? because I don’t work yet..🥲