Struggling with POCD, feeling isolated, and seeking community support.

POCD

I’ve been struggling with POCD since I was 18 years old, I am now 22. It’s terrifying how quickly it switched from my ocd focusing on a fear of pregnancy, to magical thinking ocd, and then to POCD. I’ve been suffering with it so much so that I’ve convinced myself and have lost friends due to confession compulsions. I have major issues with ruminating, and it frequently goes hand in hand with my relationship OCD and my Suicidal thoughts OCD. (Worrying my partner will leave me because what if I am, and that I can’t take this anymore so I have to __) I often experience things like shame, guilt, grief, and intense emotional pain that manifests itself into nausea and heartburn and sometimes headaches. I’ve tried everything, so this app really is my last resort. I wish to find community here, to know that what I’m facing I’m not alone in my battles with. I know that I’m not, so why does my brain work so hard telling me I am? I love children, I always have. But I get so afraid of being near them. I want to get better. I want to be able to spend time with my family again.

Username: FubberingTheNuckerFubberingThe...

Date posted: 35w ago

When I was a teenager me and my friends were being groomed by an actual p*** and he normalized making awful jokes about children so much so that I stopped teaching kids classes at Jiu-Jitsu cuz I found myself saying or almost saying the same terrible jokes. I later found out that the same old man really did commit crimes against my friends as kids and I’m still not sure what I’d do if I ever saw him again. Im 22 going to be 23 this summer and I’m in a much better place environment-wise, but now I find myself and my closest friends getting visually upset when for example: the first season of Always Sunny in Phil there’s a whole episode that jokes about a teacher getting accused of SAing kids and my friend stormed off into the other room. Me and this friend have conflicting views and I believe he’s being manipulated by the old man still to this day. It’s beyond frustrating and I get the uncertainty. The way I’ve been reminding myself that I’m not a P*** is that I firmly and with immense conviction believe that children should be protected at all cost and I would without a shadow of a doubt lay down my life to save a child if I had to. Saving a life is one thing, but protecting their innocence is equally as important. I say that as long as you’re not intentionally exposing children to those vulgarities and don’t sexualize them, you’re going to be ok. Part of this OCD from my brief understanding is that re-enforcing your conviction and care for kids’ mental and physical safety can keep you from thinking that way about yourself so often. When you get an intrusive thought about you being a p***, my advice would be, to imagine what you would do if you caught someone else doing or saying that to a kid.

Username: OCD SurvivorOCD Survivor

Date posted: 35w ago

@FubberingTheNucker Really good advice. Literally anything I go against my ocd brain tells me to do it lol. It’s sucks. But yes I do this and I feel myself get angry when I think of people actually doing that.

Username: LovelyJones17LovelyJones17

Date posted: 35w ago

i'm really sorry to hear about the intense struggles you've been facing with pocd, and how it's shifted and intertwined with other forms of ocd over the years. it sounds incredibly tough, especially with how it's affecting your relationships and causing you so much emotional pain. you're definitely not alone in feeling this way, and it's brave of you to reach out for support and community. 💔 by the way, have you heard about this new ai-powered ocd therapy tool called "unstuck"? when i was going through something similar, my nocd therapist recommended it to me (unstuckmyocd.com/try), and honestly, it was a game-changer. i think it'll be especially helpful for you because it offers personalized step-by-step support for dealing with pocd, just like an ocd therapist. it can really help navigate those moments of intense shame, guilt, and fear, providing strategies to manage ruminations and confession compulsions. i hate when people promote stuff, but i really think it can help you because it's changed my life. lmk if you have qs or just want to talk more! <3

Username: blixten0045blixten0045

Date posted: 35w ago

I’ve been struggling with OCD since I was 17, I will be 30 this year. I know how hard it is, I’ve seen the worst of it many times over. Your brain isn’t always your friend. I absolutely urge you to pursue therapy through this program. If I had done it when I was younger such as you are, I wouldn’t be in such a bad place as I am now. Good luck friend 💯

Username: CJW-182CJW-182

Date posted: 35w ago

@blixten0045 Thank you

Username: Delanie:)

Date posted: 45w ago

At war with myself

I’m so tired of constantly being in my own head. It’s so hard to explain to the people I love/ love me. I have pocd it started 2 years ago randomly when I was a live-in nanny. I literally got up and left one day. The person I worked for thought I was selfish for leaving but I couldn’t tell her I thought I was protecting her children. From then on I’ve had this parasite (aka ocd). I have hope that things will get better one day but it affects my everyday life and my relationships. I’m scared it’s going to be why me and my boyfriend break up. Which is terrifying because I love him. He knows about the pocd and still supports me. It’s hard to have intrusive sexual thoughts about kids. It gives me immense anxiety and depression. And now after 2 years of torture it’s starting to affect my relationship with my significant other. After 6 months of being with my boyfriend the thought “what if he reminds me of a young person and that’s why I like him?” popped up two days ago. Now I’ve been stressing ever since. I want to be free of this worry in my mind. I just want to feel free in general. I feel so awful everyday. Can anyone relate?

POCD

Username: Fhl123

Date posted: 27w ago

Struggling with POCD.

It’s been almost 5 months since this has started. It’s been on and off. Ive come to realize it’s probably POCD to fitting into every symptoms. Ive never been diagnosed with OCD but I do have anxiety and am constantly worried about everything. I dont know if anyone here can help reassure me that this happens to people and i am not what i think i am because it is basically taking over my thoughts and life. Seeing that i have every symptom, am i sure that i do? ugh this is so stressful. Never in my life have i ever had this thought. Never ever thought of children in that way. Growing up I’ve always liked older people older. I never had crushes on any child. Or did I and it just didn’t stick out to me? It’s gotten to the point where I can’t take these instrusive thoughts anymore either.. and are they even intrusive because I feel like I’m forcing myself to think about them just to see if I give myself a response. I have kids and have friends with kids and I can’t stop have the thoughts of maybe hurting them even though I never have before!! Then it makes me fixate on them and why am I fixating on just them if I wasn’t someone with POCD??? just the terrible person I’m scared that I actually am. It’s no other kids just the ones I’m familiar with or have known forever. Can you just turn into a P and not realize it until wayyyy older? I’m so stuck im not sure what to do.

Username: Taffylee04

Date posted: 22w ago

Not knowing how to cope.

Hey I’m new to this, I’m a 20 yo female, and I’m pretty sure I’ve had ocd since my childhood, but it’s gotten worse has I’ve gotten older. I never really understood my intrusive thoughts and always felt so sick and uncomfortable when I’d have them. They took a turn many months ago when they became more often and more intense. And I started doing some research on them and came across ocd (which I always thought was just when people don’t like to be unorganized and are like perfectionists or something) but as I was reading different websites and seeing how many types of ocd there was I noticed that I related to most of what I was reading. I still haven’t been officially diagnosed or found a therapist yet but I’m working on it. The past year has been the hardest with my intrusive thoughts. I’m mainly bothered by my pocd and I feel sick to my stomach whenever I get an intrusive thought about a child. I absolutely love kids and would never do anything to hurt them it physically makes me ill when I think about it. (If anyone has any tips to deal with this please reply😭) I think I have an idea to why I have those thoughts. I didn’t have the best childhood I was sa’d at 4&9 by 2 different people that were supposed to take care of me, and I have this horrible fear that i could be like them and it makes me feel so incredibly sick. I was also way too exposed to s3xual things as a child, my family was way too open about s3x growing up like I’m talking adults in my life thought it was okay to openly talk about it to me when I was 6/7 like it was normal. I wish I could explain more but this is already way too long. I’ve only opened up to a select few people about this so this was extremely hard for me, I’m literally fighting for my life… Thank you to anyone who cared enough to read this all the way through I appreciate it so much.🤍

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Struggling with POCD, feeling isolated, and seeking community support.

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