- Date posted
- 1y
Work performance and relationships with coworkers
I’m not sure what to label this under or if this is OCD. I just downloaded this app, have been diagnosed with OCD previously (no sun category) and just want some sort of help. I work as an auto tech in a small shop for the last 8 months (3 workers including myself). The boss and my superior are childhood friends (now in late 40s) and im 25, newly married and have a 18 month old. When they are stressed, especially my boss, I immediately jump to its something I did. So I seek out affirmation that it’s not and I feel it comes off annoying and like im not mature or just plain sensitive, which I know I am. I texted him last week apologizing for a mistake I made on a job and even called him about 3 hours later after not getting a reply because it was absolutely debilitating thinking that I’m going to get fired or how disappointed he was. He told me that it was ok and I needed to improve on not making mistakes as often and assured me he wasn’t thinking about firing me. Flash forward to this week he’s been stressed just about everyday with what seems like clients and a bigger job we have coming down the pipe and it’s driving me crazy that he’s not in the best mood and pretty snappy. I’m obsessing over the thought of being a disappointment, that I’m not going to be good enough to keep around and my questions and mistakes are what is aggravating him. Im afraid of losing my job and not being able to provide for my family or that my mistakes and frequent questions have put him in a weird position of not wanting to keep me around. It feels like I can’t breathe or think when the people around me are stressed and in a bad mood, and I can’t solve it for them. Thank you for reading this far, I feel alone and like I’m losing my mind. I bawl crying when I have moments alone in the gym or shower, I swallow it and smile to be there for my child and wife but my insides are inflating with fear and stress of performing to par at work and being enough for my boss and family. Has anyone experienced this, how do I get over this. Im on venlaxafine, propranolol and lamectal for anxiety and panic attacks. I’ve been like this in previous jobs, I just feel like this until everybody at work is happy, then I’m happy, until there’s another stressor for them and I’m right back in this boat. Thank you so much