- Date posted
- 1y
Rocd
So I’ve recently began dating someone and we’ve been in a relationship for almost 5 months. At the beginning of the relationship it was amazing and I’d also started tapering off medication. Shortly after though I felt the urge to confess to him about all of my past partners in terms of who I was sexually active with because before he and I entered a relationship he was not the only person I’d been involved with.I would only feel relief after telling him all details regarding these circumstances only for about a day later something else would feel just as urgent for me to tell him. I started connecting these things to other subtypes I’ve experienced and I was very depressed and so was he. There was an instance where I saw him check out another girl and I at this point was avoiding looking at men as a compulsion bcs my boyfriend has been cheated on twice before and it is the center of my subtype (have i or will i cheat on him) and after catching him do that I checked another guy out and afterwards felt very guilty for doing. Suddenly i statted mentally receiving and came up with a story from remembering a time he double texted me and I got very anxious thinking he was cheating on me and so I started to wonder what if I flirted with someone at school and started reviewing my memories , texts with my friends and him to try and “jog” my memory , wanting to go through my own phone to see if I’d done anything. I obsessed for weeks over this. Shortly after I traveled to Mexico City for a wedding and my bf was constant in reminding me “don’t forget about me or don’t cheat on me” when I got the wedding we were assigned seats and I was sat at a table with people my age , one of which was a guy I found attractive this was for obvious reasons very triggering. I promised my bf to no drinking alcohol also bcs I dding want anything to happen. I knew the boy sitting next to me bcs his parents are friends with mine and this was our first time meeting and we were all talking , I felt like I needed to talk to everyone else though about similar topics bcs I ddint want to seem like i onky wanted to get to know him and not everyone else bcs i found him attractive , I also made sure to tell the table I did have a bf. I danced at the dance floor and did enjoy myself though I found myself having these thoughts of wanting to be single and having this feeling of wanting this boy to find me attractive and I wasn’t at first super distressed by this until I got back to the table with my parents and avoided this boy bcs I fekt like I’d just done something really bad , I have since then been mentally reviewing the wedding and wishing I’d never gone bcs now I feek guilty and like I’ve cheated and keep asking my mom for reassurance and wanted to tell myself that it’s ocd but I feel like I’m using it as an excuse , any help ?? I also will get false memory ocd of me doing something like only dancing with him instead of in a group and why did I sing this song a certain way around him and also that I did dance moves in front of other people and not just him. I don’t know what to do or how to do exposure for this.