Help, Am I the only one ? Is it still ROCD?

Do any of you also have this feeling that you don’t love your partner and you are with them for the wrong reasons ? It feels very real. But I want to love him so it makes me sad. Is it still part of ROCD or does it mean that my feelings are a sign that my fear is true (that I really don’t truly live my partner). We have been together for three years pretty much. We have been in long distance relationship since this September and have been trying to fix our relationship for a year after a break up (due to my constant doubts and feeling that I don’t truly love him). I was so excited to visit him like a child before Christmas, now that I’m with him I realise that I don’t feel the way I thought I would: I don’t feel intense love and excitement and it sometimes even feel strange. I don’t feel much and I’m hoping it’s just because I need to get used to be around him again but sometimes I even feel suddenly that I’m with him just out of convenience such as staying out of fear of changing my routine. I do feel a bit of that for sure because I’m so used to have him around me and for me that without him my life would feel very strange and empty. But I want to love him so bad because like everyone I want to be in a relationship but also because it is a good relationship, he is nice with me, caring, I love to cuddle with him, we experienced a lot together, he changed me (in a good way), he motivated me to become a better person more motivated, he gives me confidence and I like to make him proud, when he spends time with friends or family I feel a bit sad because I wished I was experiencing what he is doing with him, I’m attracted to him and I’m obsessed with his smell, the way he cuddles me make me feel relaxed. Moreover he is a driven person, loyal, mature I imagine a successful future with him. Please help me I’m so scared to be in denial and to not actually love him because when we started dating it was kinda right time right place because I wasn’t attracted to him but he was nice with me and I wanted to have a boyfriend and I hoped I’d fall in love with time. I don’t want to start all over again with someone else and when we went through breaks I often compared others to him (e.g.: he dresses better, he is more interesting…etc (my bf that is)). I want to stop doubting and just love him and we cant continue together for years with doubts all the time … help

Username: Anna9Anna9

Date posted: 38w ago

This is so painfully relatable. I’m sorry you’re going through this too. It is so hard. My boyfriend is also the most amazing person and I am so satisfied but I’m still filled with doubt and questions and I can’t stop obsessing. It hurts. You’re not alone! Any advice would be so helpful for me too :(

Username: TiffyTiff_xoTiffyTiff_xo

Date posted: 38w ago

You guys are not alone! This is sooooo hard. I wish there was an off switch to this uncertainty feeling and just only feel love

Username: LeslieB3LeslieB3

Date posted: 38w ago

hey, it sounds like you're going through a really tough time trying to figure out your feelings towards your partner. it's clear you care deeply about him and your relationship, given all the positive things you've shared about him and your time together. feeling confused and scared about your feelings, especially in the context of a long-distance relationship and past breakups, is totally understandable. 💔 by the way, have you heard about this new AI-powered OCD therapy tool called 'unstuck'? i've been in your situation before, and what really helped me was this free AI OCD therapy tool called "unstuck" (unstuckmyOCD.com/try) that my NOCD therapist recommended to me. i think it'll be especially helpful for you because it provides personalized step-by-step support when you're dealing with doubts and fears about your relationship, just like an OCD therapist would. i hate when people promote stuff, but i really think it can help you because it's changed my life. lmk if you have Qs or just want to talk more! <3

Username: PhillipFillip1PhillipFillip1

Date posted: 38w ago

i have this app and i love it.. just a shame that more folks in the OCD community dont know about it yet!!

Username: TiffyTiff_xoTiffyTiff_xo

Date posted: 38w ago

To me it seems like you do love him. That fact that you think about him while you’re not with him is a sign of love. That’s just my opinion but it all depends on what you think. You should follow the instagram, @forloveweheal . From one of his posts he talks about how the honeymoon phase is only temporary and that the real work happens when it fades out. I struggle with the same thing as you but reading some of his instagram posts makes me feel better sometimes. Hang in there! We got this ☺️

Username: TiffyTiff_xoTiffyTiff_xo

Date posted: 38w ago

Dm me on instagram cause we relate so much to this. I don’t know anyone else who does! My handle is @tiffit_14

Username: Camilla.rCamilla.r

Date posted: 37w ago

@TiffyTiff_xo I think I added if I added the right one 😅

Username: TiffyTiff_xoTiffyTiff_xo

Date posted: 37w ago

@Lysaribeiro Oops I’m sorry it’s tiffit_nj

Username: Pauline421

Date posted: 6y ago

Does anyone else with ROCD feel like the love may never come back? That you’ve been in this cycle for so long that your love just won’t ever be the same or the relationship is forever changed? I often look at my boyfriend and panic I’m in the wrong relationship because I can’t imagine us together in 50 years. We are in a VERY LDR (I’m talking opposite sides of the world) we were physically together for over a year before he went back, and I never questioned my love for him. Now I question it all the time and wonder if I’ll ever be capable of love, towards him or anyone else. I don’t even know who I am myself anymore and it’s a very vicious ocd cycle. Just when I feel better I’m not. What can I do? My anxiety is getting worse and I’m scared my brain will push me to leave when I don’t want to because he’s always been the person I’ve wanted.

Username: nlnnoaia

Date posted: 5y ago

Tw Do you guys think with POCD/HOCD it‘s nearly impossible to not develop ROCD? I met my boyfriend during recovery, but I didn’t have any butterflies or faster heartbeat and I wasn’t that attracted to him but I was fascinated by his character, attitude and charisma. I started to google and asked friends if I’m allowed to start a relationship with him if I don’t have overwhelming feelings. I noticed I still thought about other guys.But I knew that I wanted to be with him I was feeling good and happy, he is perfect. I thought maybe I’ll develop harder feelings during the next couple of weeks. But I didn’t. I developed more feelings than I had in the beginning and even sometimes butterflies, but I always thought it wasn’t enough. After 2 months my POCD started coming back because I was asking myself constantly if I’m not enough attracted to my boyfriend. We got intimate a couple of weeks before it came up again and it was new and everything to me and it was hard to manage, questioning my feelings constantly. My therapist also said that we have to work on my feelings because she thinks I’m not letting me feel enough. She’s right, since POCD is here again, I am afraid to have feelings towards anyone because I think all my feelings are linked to children. I feel like I just can’t let go and be happy. I don’t know what to do. POCD is one thing, but I thought about breaking up with my boyfriend a lot of times because I feel very guilty concerning the fact about my lack of physical feelings. I know that I love him, I want to be with him, I want him to be the last person I see in the evening and the first person I see when I wake up, I feel safe, he feels like home, he is the most caring, loving and sweet person I’ve ever met. The thought of braking up with him makes me cry so hard and breaks my heart. But I just can’t stop thinking about whether it’s enough or not, whether it’s enough or not, whether it’s right or not. I think my OCD plays a huge part concerning the feelings but at the same time I question “what if not? What if OCD isn’t the one who stops you from feeling things and you just don’t love him?” It makes my POCD even worse. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do/feel/think. Whether it’s my OCD ruining it or not. If I’m ruining it myself and in denial and just not wanting to let go of my boyfriend. I feel very guilty especially towards him. But I want to be with him but all the things from the beginning and everything tells me that I shouldn’t. I don’t know anymore.

Username: brhtpurple

Date posted: 4y ago

I’ve had doubts my whole relationship with my boyfriend. Things like “you don’t find him attractive. You don’t think he’s funny. You’re lesbian because you don’t love him. You don’t love him at all. You think he’s annoying. You think his face looks weird. You want to be with other guys. He doesn’t make you happy.” But I always cry and get upset at the thought of losing him. Is that ocd, or something wrong with the relationship. It’s so hard to tell if this is Rocd or if this is one of those, “you never loved nor were interested in him in the first place.” Type things. I want to be interested and in love with him so bad, but I feel like all these thoughts get in the way. :( I don’t get that crazy “you love him so much,” feeing everyone talks about. Like yeah I know I feel for him and love him for who he is, but I don’t feel crazy deep in love :(

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Help, Am I the only one ? Is it still ROCD?

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