I’m terrified.

@Lacey0709 Today I haven’t felt overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts, but I’m obsessing over whether I’m a dangerous person or a threat to myself or my baby. I’m so scared that I’m actually dangerous because my thoughts aren’t causing me anxiety the same way they were before. I feel like I’m struggling to feel any emotions other than worry. I don’t feel very bonded with my baby or my partner. Please tell me this is normal.

@Lacey0709 Does it ever fully go away? I keep hearing stories of that it gets better but that people still experience it still from time to time

@Kiki10 I see a psychiatrist in two weeks. Unfortunately this app doesn’t accept my insurance so I won’t be using these therapists as much as I’d like to. I felt so much better up until the end of my period. Now I’m 10 days out and I still haven’t felt any improvements. Thought surely my hormones would regulate and I’d feel a little better after the end of my period, but I’m almost two weeks out and things aren’t letting up.

@Magcon002!! Good for you with connecting with a psychiatrist! I did that when the thoughts first came on as well. When she assured me it wasn’t psychosis it was such a relief because these thoughts came on so strong and suddenly. I truly know how you feel. The nausea, the anxiety, not getting things done, the depression. I’ve felt all of it. Then I started feeling no anxiety and just the thoughts came on like “you’re going to do this” “you have to do it” and I told my psychiatrist. She still reassured me it was OCD and upped my meds. Just know that’s all part of the ways OCD tries to mess with you when you’re getting better. My psychiatrist always reminds me even on my bad days that “look how many days have gone by and you haven’t acted on anything”. It’s because in your core you don’t want to. Stay strong, you’re doing so much already as a new mama and having this going on!

@Kiki10 You are amazing. Thank you so much!!!❤️

@Kiki10 Thank you so much for this. What meds are you on if you don’t mind me asking?

@Magcon002!! The end of my period is when things started for me as well!

@hbdoran No problem! I’m on Lexapro and 30mg is when it really started helping I believe

@Kiki10 Did you start on Lexapro? I was given Zoloft 25mg from my PCP before this even started, but I didn’t take it. Was ironically afraid it was going to make me be a different person or go crazy. The irony lol. I have my first appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow and wanted to see what they thought about the meds before I started taking them. Also if you don’t mind me asking, do you use a psychiatrist here on NOCD?

@hbdoran Congrats on setting up your psychiatrist appt! Lexapro was the first and only drug they gave me and I also had the same feelings as you, I thought it would make me more depressed or crazy lol. I was very afraid to start any type of medication but I was so desperate to get rid of my thoughts that I would’ve tried anything. I can honestly say it was a good decision for me at least. My psychiatrist is not from this app but I use a therapist on here and that’s been amazing. Doing ERP therapy is very helpful as well.

@Kiki10 That’s so great to hear. First off, thank you so much for replying to all of my questions and posting your experience. I know they say reassurance isn’t the best for this but I can’t express how much better it’s helped me feel during this first experience for me. I have a psychiatrist not on here as well. Part of me is so horrified to share what I’m experiencing/ thinking like they’re going to report me or take my son away. I feel so awful even saying that. I just feel so incredibly broken.

@HayBD I know we aren’t supposed to reassure but I know the desperation in the early days to figure out everything just to make sure you’re not a bad person or a monster. Trust me when I say I have dealt with all of this for months straight and in the beginning I was so afraid of having my kids taken from me as well. I even checked myself into a psych ward. I was terrified but I couldn’t eat or sleep and the thoughts were my ONLY thoughts. All of the doubts and anxiety and thinking it’s who you truly are or that you’ll actually do it. All of it is part of OCD and not your actual character. Watching people like Nathan Peterson, Christie Hodges and Ali Greymond are all SUPER helpful on YouTube! You will get through this, we all will. We’re stronger than any thought💪

@Kiki10 I wanna tell you I love you for this post. Lol. Thank you so frigging much.

@HayBD lol you are so sweet!! Harm OcD attacks good hearted people just remember that! I’ll be praying/rooting for you👍🏻

@Kiki10 Thank you from the bottom of my heart

@Kiki10 I meant to ask, how are you doing now? Are you pretty ocd free? How long did all of this last for you? I’m so sorry for all of the questions but cannot express enough how appreciative I am to hear from you.

@hbdoran So sorry you’re struggling, friend. We’ll be okay. ❤️

@Abys33 I still have my moments, but I’m so much better thankfully. I can be a functioning parent!!

@Abys33 I’m feeling better but I do have my days. I have extreme anxiety which seems to be related to hormone changes. It’s the worst after ovulating and right before my period. I’m still trying to figure it all out and make sense of everything. I’ve never felt like this prior to having my second daughter.

@emmemmess I totally understand. I never struggled with my mental health at all until being post partum with my baby. It’s insane. I’d feel like a much better parent if I felt relatively normal.

@Anonymous002 I know, I feel the same way. It’s so hard to take care of someone else when you don’t feel like your normal self. It has to get better though, right? It can’t always be like this

@Anonymous002 Same here thanks to Zoloft & Valium. I will be speaking to my doctor to maybe incorporate something g else or go up a dosage. I hope things keep looking up for you sending positive vibes

@emmemmess Same here I’ve noticed it’s linked to my cycle but it’s hard to track since I have the IUD. I’m sending positive energy your way & hope things get better for us. Definitely comment if you ever need a hand or vent.

@emmemmess I truly hope things get better for you. I’m definitely on the upside of it. Hoping to up my meds soon, but I’m okay for now.

@Anonymous002 Let me know how it goes

@HayBD Definitely still feeling anxious. Terrified I’m a closeted sociopath/psychopath. I’m doing better letting intrusive thoughts flow without reacting, but the lack of reaction is what’s fueling the “am I a psychopath” fire.

@Magcon002!! I literally feel the EXACT same way right now. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. I’m here with you and we will get through this. I had a pretty good day yesterday and didn’t have too many thoughts but today is bad again. It feels almost like constant.

@HayBD I’m sorry you’re dealing with the same thing. It’s not fun or easy by any means. There’s just so much doubt involved for me. I’m over analyzing my character and trying to figure out who I’ve always been. I’m scared I’m secretly a terrible person.

@Anonymous002 How are you doing

@HayBD Today, not so great. What about you?

@Anonymous002 How are you doing

@HayBD My obgyn diagnosed me with pmdd. My ocd/anxiety seems to worsen terribly in response to my ovulation/menstrual cycle. It seems like I only have one week out of the month where I’m not totally crippled by intrusive thoughts. I was fine last week while I was on my period and today is my first day off. I’ve been so bad this evening. How are you?

@Anonymous002 OMG I was literally just talking to my therapist about me likely having PMDD, TODAY. I notice the same. Is there anything to do for PMDD?

@HayBD I’m really not sure. I’m currently on Zoloft, buspar and lamictal. I start the birth control pill tonight. I’m hoping it regulates some things for me. Me and my doctor were talking about doing a method of birth control where I only have a period every 3 months. I’m just going to see how I do taking the pill and having a normal cycle for now. I’m in a pmdd/pms support group on Facebook and it honestly seems like nobody really has come across anything that eliminates pmdd totally. What makes you think you have pmdd?

@Anonymous002 I just have every symptom that was listed on multiple findings and descriptions of it lol. And my first ever severe ocd flare came while on my period

@HayBD This is so rough. Did you have ocd/pmdd before having your baby?

@Anonymous002 I probably had a bit of pmdd and I did have ocd but it was just random things like checking and obsessing over silly things. Never once did i experience ocd like I have lately with things involving my baby

@HayBD I think I had mild pms prior to having my baby but never pmdd or ocd. This is all so new to me. I’ve never struggled with mental illness until now. I don’t know how to control this.

@Anonymous002 Same, I’m so sorry you’re experiencing it too. I’m here for you ❤️

@HayBD You’re so sweet. I’m here also anytime you need to talk. I’m more than willing to talk anytime you need. This is such a lonely disease even though there’s so many people suffering. We can do this together!!❤️❤️

@Anonymous So sorry you’re dealing with this :((. I’m now almost 6 months post partum and unfortunately still struggling. I’m medicated but the effects have dwindled down significantly, but I’m too scared to stop taking it. The psychosis theme comes and goes. Even when the theme isn’t in full effect I still ask myself throughout the day if I’m hallucinating. The pure o/harm theme has never gone away. I started struggling with post partum rage about a month ago and it makes the harm ocd AWFUL. Like because I get so angry and irritable it makes me feel like I’m capable of being violent. I can’t exactly explain to you how I’m doing now. I can’t afford therapy so I’m trying to do exposures on my own. Tonight I picked up my baby and her toes bent against my knee (they bent but not in a painful way more so curled up igs). When he toes bent my brain automatically jumped to “you hurt her” and I get this sensation all over my body. It’s immediate anxiety but I think my brain has tricked me into thinking it’s excitement. This thought has become my new obsession. Wondering if the feeling that comes over my body when I accidently do something that might not feel good to my baby is excitement scares me so bad. I know it’s anxiety but I’m terrified there’s an element of excitement. I just don’t know anymore. I’m obsessed with it. I think about this feeling from the moment I wake up until I close my eyes for bed. I’m terrified it’s excitement and that I’m a psychopath. I also think I might be depressed. I sleep all day. Except when my partner gets home. I’m a stay at home mom with ocd, anxiety, and post partum rage and I just know I’m not meant to stay at home. Unfortunately my baby has a chromosomal deletion and will more than likely need 24/7 care so I think I’ll be a stay at home mom forever. It just feels like there’s no end in sight to the cycle I’m in. I’m ready to work and have a different schedule. I just dread every single day.

@emmemmess This is what I was thinking & I’m wondering how everyone is doing now … any advice on how to get better … I’ve slowly been getting better but there’s some days where I am defeated

@HayBD I completely understand. I was so skeptical of medication, but I was so desperate I ended up taking it. Mine used to get significantly worse when the sun went down. I don’t exactly know why, but it just felt like something bad was bound to happen. It also felt like the whole world was going to sleep and I’d be the only person awake taking care of my baby. I think my brain associated night time with when most bad things happen and then feeling lonely.

@HayBD How are you?