Lying problem

I think I have a lying problem. And I am struggling a lot. I could use some advice, or just to know it happens to other people. Or I do have one for sure. Sometimes I answer without thinking and it’s a lie and I don’t correct it. I feel horrible about it but I don’t fix it. Sometimes I just say whatever answer even if it’s a lie. I have this awful guilt and embarrassing feeling but I don’t do anything about my lie. Sometimes when meeting strangers I lie about random insignificant things!!! And the worst part is I constantly relive my lies and get very hung up on them. I feel guilty. I think of ways I could fix them. I imagine being confronted and caught in the lie. When I met my partners parents I lied about how I applied to unis, who I trained for a marathon with (I trained and did the marathon, just lied about being part of a run club, WHY??!!!) or the age of my dogs mom. Sometimes I’m scared I lie and I don’t even notice and my partner does. Even with approximations, I struggle with the fact that nothing can be 100-% truth. Does anyone relate?

SoggyFroggy

Date posted: 1y

Anon, I first want to let you know you are NOT alone in this. It was not until 2 years ago I realized I had a problem with lying. I lied to protect myself from trouble and yet it only got me in more. I lied to loved ones so I wouldn't upset them when in reality I know now that true care is telling the truth. It does NOT make you a terrible person. I understand lying can absolutely come from a place of fear / avoidance. This is your permission to give yourself compassion. Hell - lying helped me during my childhood as I was an abuse victim!! The coping mechanism no longer serves and so it is time to let it go. Here is what I have learned: 1. telling the truth might be uncomfortable in the moment you need to do it but lies will make you uncomfortable for longer. 2. You will upset people EVEN IF you are doing the right thing 3. The things we lie about end up being not so scary after all in the end. So what do you do? If you need to make it right and you lied about something big - own it. If it's something not so big let it go (easier said than done for us OCD people). I have learned a lot of people accepted my apologies and apologizing/ taking ownership actually made our bond that much stronger. I'm sending you a big hug and all the strength in the world. Start now and own your words. If I can do it I know you can too ❤️ remember you also DESERVE to be surrounded by those who let you live your truth and celebrate the truth with you. I hope this helps

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@SoggyFroggy Thank you SO much for this response❣️🥹🥹 teared me up a little. If I may ask, how long did it take you to recover from lying?

SoggyFroggy

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I totally understand where you're coming from!! I don't know if I've "recovered" sometimes I still lie a little I mean we ALL do (when your friends ask you to go out but you say you're sick so you can finish Netflix LOL) I'm gonna try to describe this best I can: There was one lie in particular that made me realize I had a problem. Once I realized it was a problem I spoke with my therapist and established a safe space for me to tell the whole truth. Once I got more comfortable and realized the truth was not a bad thing i started to just day-by-day take ownership. If I was in a situation where I felt like I wanted to lie - I took a step back - deep breathe- and told the truth. It's not so much a "all done and healed" thing as it is a choice you have to make every day. We will always be "recovering". Just start telling the truth now no matter how hard it is (unless your safety is in jeopardy of course!!!!) If it's a really big lie you feel like you should own up to - take some time to talk it thru with someone you trust so you can give a proper apology. 1. Identify what you lied about (I said I didn't eat your cookie) 2. Acknowledge what actually happened (in reality I did eat the cookie and I chose not to tell you because I was afraid you would be upset) 3. Acknowledge how it affected the other person (I took your cookie away from you and lied to you which has made you feel sad) 4. Plan for the future (in the future I will ask before taking a cookie and be honest with you) Kind of like OCD we may always live with these fears but we can do our best to make choices every day 💪 you got this!

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@SoggyFroggy Aghhhh so useful!!! And it’s true, most people lie a little now and then. My mom always says she’s on her way when she’s still at home haha. I think having OCD makes me ruminate about them and make them huge. Like the lie about the dogs age- I was considering texting my partners mom and telling her well actually she’s not 12 she’s 8- but I visualize the texting as a compulsion. Luckily I have no big lies to fix now, but I will start being more honest today. You don’t know how much you helped me ! I was in a very stressful state. Wish you the best- know that you made a strangers day better :))

oreaganos

Date posted: 42w

Ohhh my god this post and the comments are saving me amidst a spiral. My father just passed away from suicide and I’m reminiscing on how he was a total narcissist asshole and I am terrified that I’m just like him. I also have a lying problem. I recognize it, and don’t know why I lie about some thing’s. Like, the story would be exactly the same, why am I lying about random details that don’t matter?!? I think it stems from a deep seated need to be liked and fear of rejection in most people, idk. I promise you are not alone, and you’re not a bad person. I wish you the best

Karate.chopper

Date posted: 24w

Can lying be OCD based?

Lemme explain, so quite often if I’m retelling something that happened I will lie about random details because I constantly think that if whatever I’m saying isn’t interesting enough or if it makes me seem like a bad person then the listener will absolutely hate me or think I’m boring and not want to talk to me anymore. I don’t know if that could potentially be based on ocd or if maybe it’s more like pathological lying ? Sometimes I’ll even take it as far as repetitively memorizing the lie details to the point where I actually feel like I remember it happening that way (like I almost gaslight myself into believing my own lies if that makes sense?)

curefan6

Date posted: 23w

how to be okay with lying sometimes?😭

ocd makes lying SO hard for me. i get stuck on it and feel ridiculously guilty even when it’s nothing important. i was supposed to go to a birthday party thing tmrw for a bunch of people im not really close with, but my one close-ish friend is going so i had originally planned on it and told everyone yes. however im very introverted and i planned on canceling deep down because i just don’t know how to say no. i considered MAYBE going if i felt up to it but i really don’t now that its tomorrow. its also an hour drive and i don’t feel im up to that. i just texted my friends and my closer friend and pretended im sick with a fever as an excuse not to go. im so anxious over it now because i hate cancelling things last minute and i hate lying. ocd makes it impossible and i feel like the worst person even when its the lightest lies!!! i just wanna chill day LOL but i feel im going to be worrying about whether they hate me now or not

Sunny87

Date posted: 21w

“Lying by omission”

FINALLY identified a core fear of mine and it is deceit and lying by omission. My biggest compulsions are confession & rumination. I immediately WANT to confess to whoever the theme is about, BUT since I am NOT acting on the compulsion (*yay*), I feel like I am lying by omission. For example, I will think of a mistake I made in the past, become anxious at the thought that my partner would break up with me over it, and then I want to confess so that he has all the information he needs to make an accurate decision on if he wants to be with me. Otherwise, I feel as though I am withholding pertinent information and his decision to be in a relationship with me is based on lies & fabrication. On one hand I am proud of myself for not compulsively oversharing / acting on compulsivity. On the other hand I worry I am stepping out of my values of honesty & integrity. Or perhaps worse, claiming “compulsion” in the name of hiding from the possibility of whatever consequence may result in me sharing the mistake. Any recommendations?

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