I just keep on having this feeling that « deep down I know I don’t genuinely love him » and I hate it because I want to love him and I want to stay with him I’m happy in this relationship and it has been three years
That’s what ROCD does though. But are you wondering if you have ROCD or that you legit aren’t in love?
@OCDisQUICKSAND Both. Ik i suffered of ocd in the past with different themes since I’ve been 6. I’m now in a relationship with someone who is great and make me happy but because i don’t feel certain standards of love and don’t feel certain things i should I keep on feeling like im just in denial and im not in love with him not matter how much i want to. If you go on my profil you can see posts which explains my situation in more details. It’s pretty tiring and I just want to love him stop doubting and just live happy with him
@Lysaribeiro On days I deal with this, I just force myself to go on the date with him, be affectionate etc and it goes great and I realize it’s just the OCD.
@Hopefloats227 That’s also what I do but then I still feel it and think “if I do things for the sake of the relationship and not for him maybe it means I don’t truly love him”
@Lysaribeiro Maybe you don’t love him… you’re on here looking for reassurance which will make things worse. You need to say “maybe” to everything and just sit in the anxiety.
@OCDisQUICKSAND Just saying this gives me such anxiety tho. It’s like a hit in my chest. I want to love him more than anything I can’t accept that I might not love him
@OCDisQUICKSAND Please tell me that’s not what you truly think 😢
@Lysaribeiro He’s sharing with you the therapy that treats OCD.
@Hopefloats227 I heard about that therapy but I still really struggle with it because this voice that I don’t love him feels so strong so when I practice this exercise of just saying “maybe” I just feel like I’m in denial because I’m deciding to just ignore it
@Lysaribeiro I KNOW you love him by the simple fact you have ROCD but that’s reassurance. You need to accept the uncertainty and sit in the anxiety. It sucks but it gets better trust me.
@OCDisQUICKSAND It does sucks and it is very tiring. It feels so real it is difficult to shake it off
@Lysaribeiro Being on this site is probably a compulsion for you though (it is for all of us). Don’t look for reassurance anywhere. Don’t look for feelings of love. You’ll be alright if you start doing “maybe statements”. What’s your therapist saying?
@OCDisQUICKSAND The issue is that I don’t have a therapist… I’m a student so therapy sessions are way too expensive for me and my insurance doesn’t cover any sessions no matter who it is with
@Lysaribeiro Gotcha. Yeah it’s crazy expensive. Check this out. I made it for exactly your situation: https://youtube.com/shorts/VKujCIZAoXg?si=dIi-L1bWK6syCe36
@OCDisQUICKSAND Yh it and the hardest is when I start thinking “I don’t have ROCD in just using that as an excuse” I just checked this out this is great thank you I’ll give it a follow
@Lysaribeiro Yeah which ROCD does. Remember that you wouldn’t have “ocd feelings” if you really didn’t love him. You’d be bummed and maybe anxious about initiating the break up, but it wouldn’t be like what you are going through now. Try standing in front of the mirror and saying “maybe I don’t love my boyfriend”. And that’s it. Nothing else. Just lean into it.
Gotcha. Okay, say this to yourself… “maybe I am in denial” “maybe I don’t actually love him”. Do not struggle with the thoughts at all. Let them be there. If you look for love you will not find it. Even without OCD. That’s not how love works. I used to always get upset that I wasn’t feeling the holiday spirit at Christmas. But it was always when I was looking for those feelings. It’s just not how it works. You can’t go looking for feelings. I have ROCD too. This is totally common. “Perceived lack of affection”. It’s bullshit. And if he really isn’t the right one, then you’ll be okay with that and break up. You won’t be anxious about it. Maybe sad but you won’t be having these kinds of emotions. These are from OCD.
We all feel that way with OCD.
Right now I feel like I’ve realized something awful. Like maybe… I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasn’t ROCD — maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. That’s the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I “should,” not because I truly want to. I can’t remember how it felt to love him — and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m playing a role, not being myself. But the thing is… I’m not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this “realization” come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this — doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t break, and I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?
I just read a post that said “people with ROCD know they love their partners” right when I read it I got this horrible anxiety feeling rush down into my stomach. My partner asked me to be his girlfriend in December and literally since that night It’s like a switch of doubt turned on and I was suffering with consistent doubt about loving my partner, I felt like I didn’t feel anything anymore and I didn’t know what to do and through out the past months it has been an absolute wave of things going on. He is aware of my ocd and in a way I’m glad that this happened because I have had harm ocd for the past 4-5 years and had no idea what it was until 2 months ago when I got an OCD therapist, I just thought I was crazy so I’m happy to know I’m not. Buuuuttt back to the ROCD, my main thoughts and feelings are about not feeling like i love my partner anymore and if we’re compatible, I hyper fixate on the weight he’s gained in the past few months and all the bad food he eats, I think about if our lives even align, we have very different views on some things but are we too different, what if we really don’t know each other at all and we thought we did because we’ve been best friends for 10 years. This is so frustrating because I’ve gotten to the point where my anxiety is barely there, I was have constant outrageous anxiety for 3-4 months and now I’ve gotten to this numb, I literally feel absolutely nothing feeling and it’s not even with just my boyfriend it’s with everything, I just don’t feel happy with anything anymore, I feel like there’s something wrong with me. We got into an argument the other day about how rude I was and I didn’t even feel sad or apologetic when he was talking to me about it, and I couldn’t stop crying, like I just don’t feel anything. I feel like there’s something really wrong with me. All I can describe it as is “blank” does that make sense? I feel like a bad person and I feel like we’re going to break up and I can tell how sad he is. All I do know is that I don’t want to break up. But anytime I think about him or anything along the lines of my ROCD everything like freaks me out. I like scream “NO” and “STOP” in my head all the time. But it’s starting to really feel real. I’m so scared, and now I read that post that said that “people with ROCD know they love their partner” but WHAT IF I DONT KNOW!!! I WANT TO LOVE MY PARTNER. I want to feel the love I had for him before this all started. We were so happy, and we didn’t even get the honey moon phase because my ROCD started right when we made it official. This is seriously so crippling.
Would i know if i am losing feelings for my partner? How would i know? I feel disconnected and irritated by him recently and its scaring me that ive lost feelings and just dont want to leave because i am comfortable
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