I just keep on having this feeling that « deep down I know I don’t genuinely love him » and I hate it because I want to love him and I want to stay with him I’m happy in this relationship and it has been three years
That’s what ROCD does though. But are you wondering if you have ROCD or that you legit aren’t in love?
@OCDisQUICKSAND Both. Ik i suffered of ocd in the past with different themes since I’ve been 6. I’m now in a relationship with someone who is great and make me happy but because i don’t feel certain standards of love and don’t feel certain things i should I keep on feeling like im just in denial and im not in love with him not matter how much i want to. If you go on my profil you can see posts which explains my situation in more details. It’s pretty tiring and I just want to love him stop doubting and just live happy with him
@Lysaribeiro On days I deal with this, I just force myself to go on the date with him, be affectionate etc and it goes great and I realize it’s just the OCD.
@Hopefloats227 That’s also what I do but then I still feel it and think “if I do things for the sake of the relationship and not for him maybe it means I don’t truly love him”
@Lysaribeiro Maybe you don’t love him… you’re on here looking for reassurance which will make things worse. You need to say “maybe” to everything and just sit in the anxiety.
@OCDisQUICKSAND Just saying this gives me such anxiety tho. It’s like a hit in my chest. I want to love him more than anything I can’t accept that I might not love him
@OCDisQUICKSAND Please tell me that’s not what you truly think 😢
@Lysaribeiro He’s sharing with you the therapy that treats OCD.
@Hopefloats227 I heard about that therapy but I still really struggle with it because this voice that I don’t love him feels so strong so when I practice this exercise of just saying “maybe” I just feel like I’m in denial because I’m deciding to just ignore it
@Lysaribeiro I KNOW you love him by the simple fact you have ROCD but that’s reassurance. You need to accept the uncertainty and sit in the anxiety. It sucks but it gets better trust me.
@OCDisQUICKSAND It does sucks and it is very tiring. It feels so real it is difficult to shake it off
@Lysaribeiro Being on this site is probably a compulsion for you though (it is for all of us). Don’t look for reassurance anywhere. Don’t look for feelings of love. You’ll be alright if you start doing “maybe statements”. What’s your therapist saying?
@OCDisQUICKSAND The issue is that I don’t have a therapist… I’m a student so therapy sessions are way too expensive for me and my insurance doesn’t cover any sessions no matter who it is with
@Lysaribeiro Gotcha. Yeah it’s crazy expensive. Check this out. I made it for exactly your situation: https://youtube.com/shorts/VKujCIZAoXg?si=dIi-L1bWK6syCe36
@OCDisQUICKSAND Yh it and the hardest is when I start thinking “I don’t have ROCD in just using that as an excuse” I just checked this out this is great thank you I’ll give it a follow
@Lysaribeiro Yeah which ROCD does. Remember that you wouldn’t have “ocd feelings” if you really didn’t love him. You’d be bummed and maybe anxious about initiating the break up, but it wouldn’t be like what you are going through now. Try standing in front of the mirror and saying “maybe I don’t love my boyfriend”. And that’s it. Nothing else. Just lean into it.
Gotcha. Okay, say this to yourself… “maybe I am in denial” “maybe I don’t actually love him”. Do not struggle with the thoughts at all. Let them be there. If you look for love you will not find it. Even without OCD. That’s not how love works. I used to always get upset that I wasn’t feeling the holiday spirit at Christmas. But it was always when I was looking for those feelings. It’s just not how it works. You can’t go looking for feelings. I have ROCD too. This is totally common. “Perceived lack of affection”. It’s bullshit. And if he really isn’t the right one, then you’ll be okay with that and break up. You won’t be anxious about it. Maybe sad but you won’t be having these kinds of emotions. These are from OCD.
We all feel that way with OCD.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.
I’ve been with my partner for almost a year now, and my rocd has become really really bad. I keep feeling like I fell out of love and I just have eyes for other people now, and that I would rather be with someone else. It feels like I’m infatuated with other people and it makes me so guilty. It’s been so hard for me because it’s hard to tell if it’s just my brain convincing me I don’t love my partner or if this is really my desire. The biggest fear I have is hurting my partner, so there’s also a sense of urgency that I need to tell them how I’ve been feeling to prevent myself from leading them on I guess. This is compounded with a history of porn addiction that still affects me and makes me feel like I’m more attracted to others. Has anyone else been in this position? I feel like I’m alone and that this is the sign that I’m terrible and shouldn’t be with my partner and that the end of our relationship is inevitable. I can’t tell if I really love them or not and if I really want to still be with them and I hate that I’m having that doubt.
I know I love my fiancé so much. The 5 years we have been together have been the best of my life, yet I am questioning everything all the time. The constant doubts and fears and negative thoughts about him are so loud and so persistent. It feels like this will never end
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