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i saw a picture of a pretty girl on instagram just now and the first intrusive thought that came to my mind was me saying i would love to *insert the most horrible sexual abusive thing* to her. i am absolutely disgusted with my brain and i want to throw up. why would i even get that thought. i’m not even sexually active and would never do ANYTHING to hurt anyone. i get the worst sexually intrusive thoughts and it makes me feel awful because that is just not me. but my ocd makes me feel like it is. i don’t want to think like this anymore. why does my ocd make me suffer in this way. i would take any other form of ocd over this. does anyone else get these intrusive thoughts or is it just me

I get thoughts a lot that say people are attractive or not attractive, some of my compulsions are “checking” to make sure I don’t find them attractive or see if my thoughts are actually true… I know that doesn’t help ocd at all - I get that, but cmon you’ve all done compulsions before that’s a part of our disease. All I’m asking is if anyone else does these compulsions but hates doing it, it’s just because of fear or sometimes disgust that you’re having those thoughts - mind you I do understand it’s okay to find people attractive in a relationship, but my thoughts that pop up are alot to do with past people or people I just don’t want to think about. And sometimes when I have seen a look alike actor to one of those people it’ll start saying you find them hot, good looking, etc… when I confessed to my partner he told me just not to do that, like the checking stuff and analysing… so that makes me feel even more anxious and feel like I’m hyper focused on it now, like trying not to do it but when the thoughts come in I feel like I automatically try and reassure myself. I guess I’m asking if this is me doing something betraying to my partner or if it’s actually a compulsion and I know I should avoid any compulsions… but I don’t want to feel, on top of doing compulsions that I’m actually betraying my boyfriend, because he doesn’t understand some compulsions and probably thinks well why can’t you just not do that compulsion cause it makes him uncomfortable, and so now I just feel like if I do any checking compulsion I’m actually betraying him. :(

I’ve been doing good by not posting but I’m hoping that someone can validate me a bit… I know I don’t feel sexual feelings towards anyone but my partner, but the thought of intentionally imagining someone’s body intentionally makes me so anxious, even my own family including my little daughter… I guess what I’m asking is do people without ocd experience that same discomfort of not wanting to intentionally imagine anyone’s body regardless of the context or who it is? I feel like depending on the person and context, maybe imagining someone as a whole person may not be bad? But I feel uncomfortable about intentionally imagining just peoples body even though there’s no sexual meaning? Does that make people without ocd uncomfortable too? I don’t want to feel like I have to do things like that to become “normal”… sometimes I’ll have intrusive thoughts saying to intentionally do something and then it’s like the image just comes in my head when I don’t actually want it to?? It’s really confusing and upsetting. Can someone please give me a bit of clarity? The AI thing on Snapchat said that it’s normal for people without ocd to feel uncomfortable by that… and I understand you could have a thought and an image just comes in on it’s own without you trying…