To many things are pointing to this not being ROCD

I really need someone to talk to… just to vent… if not.. i just need get this out and everything can ignore if they want.… I don’t know what to do… I know I’ve been severely obsessing for 2 year about if I truly love my partner or not for 2 years… I am severely saddened about how I feel right now…. Before I knew I wanted to love him and stay.. it felt genuine like I was really mentally sick… but now… my partner looks like a stranger to me, I get annoyed at him easily even if he’s just sitting still… it’s like he’s a different person to me and I hate it… I wanted so badly for me to know if I love him or not… and it’s like our time together never happened… I don’t cuddle talk or do much of anything anymore with him and it bothers me… I feel no emotional connection with him… maybe his flaws are too much for me… 😢😢 I don’t know…. I want to love him again like before but I completely feel like I’m lying to him and myself… I don’t wanna end my relationship I really don’t want to… I do t know how badly ROCD can get but… this is the worst I’ve ever had… my relationship is gonna die… 😢 I’m sitting here quietly crying while he is asleep….

Hey all. First time posting here and I’ve been struggling a lot with this. My partner and I have been together for four years and he means everything to me. He was able to get me and my dog and sister out of our abusive home, has created a family with his family for me and we have been the best of friends. For the past few months he’s been experiencing low libido and it’s been frustrating for me as intimacy and touch are a huge part of my love language. I know he loves and cares about me but I’ve been having obsessive thoughts of whether this is the right relationship for me, if I’m betraying myself and what I truly desire and need, and fearing that I’m going to harm or coerce him into sexual intimacy when he’s not ready. We’ve reached out to a couple therapist to work on this but I keep obsessing and worrying about why if this doesn’t work out and that child we planned to have is going to disappear and the beautiful life we’ve created is going to disappesr too. This has been a confusing theme of OCD because while the feelings are distressing sometimes I fear that I genuinely need to stop betraying myself and break up because I’ve been such a big people pleaser all my life due to trauma. Why if I’ll end up in a sexless relationship my whole life? Why if he ends up feeling traumatized and coerced? I’ve experienced sexual assault and would never want anyone to feel that so it really coincides with my harm ocd. It’s made me feel really suicidal the last time we got into a fight and he felt he wasn’t enough. I hate making someone I love feel this way. I don’t know what to do or if this is even relationship OCD or genuine incompatibility

I am having the absolute worst week. My anxiety is so bad, I can’t think straight. I haven’t had a moment of calm for days and I feel like I’m going crazy. I’ve had what I think is intense ROCD/RA for about three years now, and it is getting so difficult to tell if all the issues I see are just in my head or if there is actually something wrong with my relationship. We’ve been together for five years and the first two years were lovely. I had some fears and doubts, but I felt very happy with my partner. We were together 24/7 and always had fun with each other. Then we started to spend a bit less time together and ROCD or whatever this is hit me really hard. I started worrying that he didn’t love me anymore, and that I didn’t love him and I did a lot of feeling checking and other things that I have figured out are common ROCD symptoms. Flash forward to now, I still feel like we don’t spend enough time together, and I get super upset by little things like if he has positioned his body so that it is pointing straight forward instead of towards me. I know I have an anxious attachment style and I am finding it so difficult to figure out what are reasonable concerns and what are things that I need to learn to be okey with because they are actually healthy and normal. The longer ROCD has gone on, the harder it has gotten. Two months ago I felt super in love and was actually feeling like I was in recovery. Then I went away for a work trip for a week and I had a lot of fun and was very busy so I didn’t have time to miss him and after I got home my ROCD exploded again. I have been wondering why I don’t feel that excited when I’m at home and do we still have fun together and lots of thoughts like that. Of course, I know that my ROCD gets in the way of our relationship being as good as it can be, and my partner has had health issues since the past few years that make him very tired which also doesn’t help. He is super sweet and funny and caring and smart but I keep finding faults. I also keep wishing that when he was tired he wanted to cuddle with me or something, because that’s what I want when I’m tired, and I don’t know if that’s a reasonable thing or if it’s just that people need different things when they aren’t feeling well. Right now I am super triggered and my mind is pretty much completely sure that I need to break up with him and that my anxiety comes from uprooting my life and needing to have difficult conversations rather than from actually wanting to stay in the relationship. I am so confused and I can’t sleep because I keep waking up with anxious thoughts and I keep waiting for signs that all is good between us but even when I get them my brain explains them away. I should also add that during the weekend I was at a work party and was harassed by a manager, so I think that has contributed to my spike. Also, we are at my parents place for the next ten days now and that also usually triggers my ROCD. My anxiety is so high that I can’t eat properly, which just makes the cycle worse as well. I know this is a lot, and I know seeking for reassurance is not the right thing to do. I just needed to get some things out of my head because it has been spinning for so long. And if anyone has any advice on how I should cope that would be amazing.