Can Someone Respond?

[ 24, F ] I apologize for intruding... I finally got courage to post here because I know I'll be seen with poor eyes however, I am ready for any criticism coming my way. I'm really sorry for making this post but I need help. 3 months ago, my gf broke up with me (yes, I'm gay) and ever since I haven't been able to move forward. I've had a few good days but all in all, I have either dealt with the mourning of the relationship or, as most of you know, my horrible ocd. She is a wonderful woman and I wish her all the happiness in the world but she broke me badly... Her reasons to break up were: my ocd, my suicidal tendencies, the long distance, my dependency on the relationship to be happy/alive, her own private matters, that we had never met before (though we made video calls) and others I don't know about. I'm not going to lie. I'm overly suicidal over this. She was the one for me and we had a wonderful future planned, only to give up on me... I feel betrayed but I don't blame her. She deserves better.... I never deserved her anyway and that is what I keep telling myself to cope with the pain. It helps me to stay rational. It's easier to take all the blame than to fear being unfair to her. Because in the end, she didn't do anything wrong. This was my first and last relationship. I never met her in person, it was always long distance. She was the best thing thag ever happened to me. And I know I won't be able to love again.... Because of countless reasons: - I don't easily develop a romantic interest and I don't forsee that ever happening again. - I'm a piece of shit... I don't deserve love - I won't be able to trust again. Telling me "I won't leave you" was a lie... - I feel like I am betraying her... She was the one for me... If I date someone else, I have lied... I'd feel like our relationship was nothing... I would feel guilty. Does it make sense? Like a fairy tale... I guess. I loved her... I shouldn't love someone else. - I feel like I still have to look up to the image people have of me and that is "(my name), never dates! She's superior to those things" Yes, I know what you are thinking. Innocent, gullible, childish, I know. I don't believe in soul mates and all of that but I believe in the goodness of people. I take dating very seriously and I fell in love pretty hard because she is a wonderful person... And we were compatible. I could never date for fun (please don't think I judge. This is my choice when it comes to dating but I respect every person's lifestyle as long as it isn't illegal or toxic) I need help... Or just someone to talk to. I don't know what type of advice to look for. I just want someone to talk to, I guess. And before I go, I just wanted to say that I'm really in pain. I started dating her because I really liked her and I saw a potential future. She is wonderful, sweet and we were super compatible. When we broke up, my heart broke in half. All the plans we've made, everything. It took me by surprise because I thought we were going strong as always. Apparently not because she failed to communicate me her fears... This sucks... My fucking life is over. I have nothing to live for. Life gives only to take it away to make me suffer. Thank you for reading.

Hey everyone, I’m needing some help and would really appreciate it at least one person responded. I need advice. I just recently got broken up with a few days ago by my girlfriend of 3 years. I thought we were gonna last forever and we had plans for the future. My OCD made her so insecure that she couldn’t take it any more. She says she sees herself in a different light now and it’s all because of me :(. I don’t know if this is selfish to say but not only does it make me extremely sad, but also frustrated, because I can’t control that I have OCD. I know I can control my compulsions to an extent but she said “if you know the compulsion would hurt me then why would you say it?” And like I get where she’s coming from but she doesn’t have OCD and I feel like people on this app/in this community would understand what I mean when I say it can be so debilitating at times that you just end up giving into it because your mind takes over. I wish I could go back and reverse all the compulsions I told her but I felt so guilty so I told her things I should’ve kept to myself. I know I shouldn’t beg for her (which I have been) but we have such a strong connection that I see with no one else. She reached out to me first yesterday and wanted to see if I was okay and of course that turned into a 4 hour phone call. I’m determined to save our relationship and need someone’s advice/what they think. It really feels like I’m unlovable and that OCD won and took away the best thing in my life😞I know I should give her space but at the same time, I want to prove to her that our relationship can be better and she that she doesn’t have to feel insecure anymore

My and my partner broke up 5 days ago and it’s been hell for me. I find myself looking at his insta following and he’s following other girls and porn pages and I just feel sick. All I wanna do is fix things but he’s hurt me and would put so many people before me. I’m mad at myself for wanting him still and more than anything I just wanna not care about him. I’m hurting so much I just wanna call him and things to go back to how they were before he was mean. I’ve been crying nonstop and breaking down and I’m truly sick of it. I’ve tried playing video games with others and even talking with someone who’s going thru the same thing. I tried a dating app but I haven’t even talked to anyone on there bc somehow I feel like I’m betraying him. I can’t do this I’m so devastated and I tried reaching out for help but it’s not working. I’m at my end rn and I’m hurting so much I just can’t do this. I don’t wanna die but I don’t wanna live. I’ve just been suffering