Username: CD…

Date posted: 34w ago

I’m not sure if I have OCD, but…

Hi, I’m Cede. I am 15 years old and I’m greatly concerned if I have OCD. I do so many things that relate to others with OCD, and find myself constantly matching symptoms of it. But I feel like if I bring this up to my mother she will tell me I’m making it all up in my head, or say something stupid like “it’s because of that darn phone” I was hoping to find people here who do have OCD and see what their thoughts are. And hopefully find my answer. These things have been happening as long as I can remember. They started out as a few things but now they’re building and getting worse. Stuff I do that I believe is OCD related: -When I was younger and believed in good and praying, I would have to triple check I prayed for all my family and friends. Or I thought they would die. I would panic every night. (Age 4-9?) -When praying I would also pray that specific things wouldn’t happen to me. Ex: “dear god, please don’t let me get kidnapped tomorrow” -I got into a car crash when I was younger while I was asleep, ever ever since then I wouldn’t allow myself to fall asleep because I thought me sleeping caused us to crash -I would (still do) see the spray paint on cement and imagine if the line extended. I would have to avoid those spots or I’d feel panicked or think a bad thing was soon to come -I skip count by 2’s, 5’s, and 10’s when anxious, or something like it. -I have to hold my breath while crossing the street because I think something bad will happen if I breathe before I’m across -I have to run half way across a street before a certain light changes otherwise I’m convinced Doom is released upon me -I will randomly feel dirty in my body. Typically my hands. I will wash and wash them till the “bad” is gone. -I have the habit of over showering because I feel like when I sleep “bad” is layered all over me and showering will get it off -when making a timer for something it needs to only be “good” numbers (minutes) with a “good”number for the seconds. Ex: 11 min and 44 seconds -Numbers, Colors, Letters, and shapes all are split into feeling “good” or “bad” ex: 6 is very bad. It’s like a dirty feeling almost -I refuse to go into stores that feel “bad” or “dirty”. Like the AIR feels dirty to me, even if I know it’s clean -If I push my bedroom door shut before it closes I need to run to a carpet and stand on only my right leg or get to my stairs or I feel like something bad will happen -I will rewrite a letter or something till it feels it’s done “just right” -when walking on tiles I can’t step on lines. But also I don’t like how they’re spaced. My right foot is always stepping on one part of them and my left on another. It’s not fairly balanced. And that causes me to rewalk or step there again. And it causes me to panic and sometimes tear up. -if I only get one hand wet I need to get the other just as wet before drying them off or I can’t leave the place I’m in. -if one nail breaks on one hand ex:pointer on right, I need to cut the other one down to that length as well. Or I can’t function -when I’m sick I convince myself I’m going to die in my sleep (I’m literally sick rn and refusing to go to bed because I’m convinced my family will find me dead) -I have asthma and I sometimes think it gets so bad I’ll want to write “I love you” notes to my family because I’m going to die from not breathing in my sleep -I think I forgot something so I have to check it a few times to make sure I have it or done something -I won’t take medication unless my mother gets it for me, because I think I’ll accidentally over dose. And sometimes I’ll be worried to take it even from her (Tw for these because they’re intrusive thoughts) -I’ll be looking at my dog or a little kid and have the most vivid and violent visions of them. Ex: I will see myself bashing my dogs brain with my foot -I will have intrusive thoughts if me specializing myself to older adults, even family. Like guys. I don’t even want to give an example because it’s disgusting.. -I’ll get intrusive thoughts of me unaliving myself and writing su’cide letters to people -I will get an intrusive thought of me taking too much medication There’s still so much, but I’m sick and tired. If anyone who has OCD can let me know if it sounds like I have it please tell me. I want to figure this out. Have a good day! -Cd

Username: FightOCDwithmeFightOCDwithme

Date posted: 34w ago

That definitely sounds like OCD to me. If you aren't comfortable telling your mum, you might want to consider chatting to a GP or family doctor about it and about how you think you might need treatment. You can go over the symptoms with them (whichever you feel comfortable sharing). They might be able to help get your mother to listen. OCD does like to tell us its not OCD though, and that people wont listen to or believe us, so also keep that in mind when it comes to hesitating to tell friends, family, or trusted adults.

Username: CD…CD…

Date posted: 34w ago

@FightOCDwithme Alright, thank you a lot. I always question if I actually have something going on or if I’m making it up Question, how could I talk to a doctor about this?… without my mom needing an explanation… She’s my only parent, and doesn’t like to ever believe something is wrong with me. Idk how to see a doctor without talking to her

Username: beetlebugjuicebeetlebugjuice

Date posted: 19w ago

@CD… i think they ask you a list of questions when you go to a regular check up, maybe you could mention it there? maybe talk to your mother about having headaches for awhile and a family doctor check up? or maybe just bring up how it’s good to get a check up every so often (it honestly is)

Username: CD…CD…

Date posted: 19w ago

@beetlebugjuice Yeah they do, but I think those questions are more typically related to depression. They’ve asked things like “Do you still feel interested in your hobbies like normal?” And what not

Username: AParadeOfFlamesAParadeOfFlames

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 34w ago

Hey Cede, first of all let me say that you are an impressive and strong 15 year old, and your self awareness is stellar for that age, or in general really. Personally, and I am not a doctor or therapist but just an extremely self-experienced victim of OCD as well as the son of a man with aggressive life altering OCD also, but you listed in great and personally accurate detail, the experience of the maturing mind under OCD. You are in the right place and I urge you to continue to seek the help you need, despite what anyone including your mother thinks. I am not suggesting "oh just disregard everything your mom says about everything" but I am saying that I knew people who were destroyed by their mental health because their parents preferred to play the "get over it" card, or just ignore it hoping it would disappear. Do not do that. Push on Cede. Your mental health is your dominion, and I wish you all the luck and the purest of happiness to follow it. We are all always here if you find anything here of use.

Username: CD…CD…

Date posted: 34w ago

@AParadeOfFlames I started tearing up from this, thank you a lot, you have no idea how much your words mean to me. And again, thank you for this. A lot. I am just afraid she won’t take me in and will punish me for having these thoughts. She really pushes things aside. Like I jacked my knee up and it took her two months to LOOK at it. I am now doing physical therapy for it. Turns out I damaged a whole bunch of stuff and shifted my kneecap. I even had an x-ray once a doctor told my mom I needed one. I don’t think she’ll listen. But I did therapy a while back. I don’t do it anymore, but I have the lady’s email. I think I can email her about this. Thank you so so so much.

Username: beetlebugjuicebeetlebugjuice

Date posted: 19w ago

@AParadeOfFlames that’s why i feel so greatly for her!! she sounds so aware just like me at that age and even a bit younger too. I wish i had a platform for help in those times!:(

Username: Itwillallworkoutokay777Itwillallwor...

Date posted: 28w ago

YES UES YES! We are in the same boat I’m 15, turning 16 in a week, and I have the exact same experience as you. I’m not diagnosed either but I am pretty certain I have ocd. I’m so glad I’ve found someone else my age who feels the same

Username: CD…CD…

Date posted: 28w ago

@Itwillallworkoutokay777 OMG IM SO HAPPY WE CAN RELATE

Username: Itwillallworkoutokay777Itwillallwor...

Date posted: 28w ago

@CD… YES. Question? When you started realising you might have ocd did you start to remember things you did when you were younger that were signs?? Also I just posted a post about basically the same as yours right before I saw yours, go read it!

Username: CD…CD…

Date posted: 28w ago

@Itwillallworkoutokay777 YES. When I started to realize I have ocd I started to remember doing a bunch of weird things related to it!!

Username: Itwillallworkoutokay777Itwillallwor...

Date posted: 28w ago

@CD… Yes exactly me to! I started to remember so many things from when I was little like so so many! I wish you could message privately on here so we could message you seem really cool and nice and very relatable and like me! Are you from the yk?

Username: Itwillallworkoutokay777Itwillallwor...

Date posted: 28w ago

@Itwillallworkoutokay777 I meant to put uk not yk

Username: CD…CD…

Date posted: 28w ago

@Itwillallworkoutokay777 I’m not from the Uk, I’m from Wisconsin if that helps any. I’d honestly love to talk to you and build a friendship! It would be nice to have a friend to relate to and share experiences with

Username: Itwillallworkoutokay777Itwillallwor...

Date posted: 28w ago

@CD… Yes it would be so nice !

Username: CD…CD…

Date posted: 28w ago

@Itwillallworkoutokay777 :)) Do you have any social media platforms we could talk on?

Username: beetlebugjuicebeetlebugjuice

Date posted: 19w ago

babe, this is most definitely ocd. if you tell your mom what you told here and she doesn’t see it as symptoms or as you need help, orrr “that darn phone” i’d try to talk to a school counselor or trusted adult you have close to you,, this is definitely ocd and it SUCKS. i wish i could’ve learned ways to prevent/ cope with it when i realized it had it

Username: CD…CD…

Date posted: 19w ago

@beetlebugjuice Ive come to the conclusion that’s it’s definitely ocd. I have been trying think of a way I can talk to a therapist again, and that could hopefully lead to a diagnosis

Username: AParadeOfFlamesAParadeOfFlames

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 19w ago

@CD… Absolutely always be sure to do your best to talk to a professional by whatever means you can accomplish it. Simply because there will be no one better equipped to properly help address not only your problems, but also help identify possible routes/methods to encourage your mother to leave the psychology of the 50's behind, and better support her loved ones afflicted with OCD. Which of course would help both of you almost immediately. My family still says infuriating mess like "oh, well he's eccentric" or the ever useless and hurtful "everyone has problems, but every else sucks it up/man's up, and gets over it". It isn't "just hardening up" or "just pushing through" that will do anything good. The two provenly most effective treatments for OCD are therapy and medication. IMO: A strong support network or group is easily as important, maybe not in treating the actual disorder, but in finding the ability to face the hardest times with courage. No matter what, please remember these words: you are NOT alone, and it can get better, you just have to keep working at it and simply cannot/must not give up. OCD will make you want to quit, tell you everything is f***ed and you MUST control it- but trying to push it out just adds fuel to the fire. Accept that these horribly painful, difficult, persistent thoughts & feelings are simply natural and going to happen. The trick is to learn how to let those thoughts and feelings exist freely, not attempt to push them out, while not letting your OCD brain poke you aggressively to contain and fix. There is no "fixed", only "better", or even just "different" than what had you miserable in the beginning. Apologies for the novel. I'm always here and willing to talk, as are many many others. Best of luck to you on your continuing path.

Username: IfiknewthenIfiknewthen

Date posted: 34w ago

Are you on medication?

Username: CD…CD…

Date posted: 34w ago

@Ifiknewthen No, I am not

Username: Katiel

Date posted: 6y ago

So I’ve been counting for a while now and by counting I mean like I blink 6 times or take 6 steps or breath in 6 or hit back space on my phone 6 times. I have also developed a sort of fear of germs and I can’t touch people skin to skin and I can’t tell if this is ocd or if I’m just making it up. I read a book about a girl with ocd and she had similar symptoms so I can’t tell. I’ve also been having a hard time with going outside and trusting people and such because I’m always worried I’m going to die or that I’m being watched. And I can’t really eat out because I think they poisoned the food. Is this ocd? Any opinion would be great! Thank you :)

Username: cleoeastwood

Date posted: 4y ago

TRIGGER WARNING I have NOT been diagnosed with ocd BUT I am pretty sure that i have ocd and my mum called the doctors they said it sounds like ocd I'm 12 if this helps anything I struggle to even write things and i normally can't do work because i stress out i cross out the work over and over again i sometimes can't even put my hand on the paper or over the paper or something or whatever because then im "slitting my wrists" or "slitting my neck" or whatever and it stresses me out sometimes i get shouted at by my teachers for not doing any work or barely any work most of the time the teachers dont notice but then they dont notice me crying over it either I think ive always or for ages that ive mainly thought about things before I say them or do them like just so i know what to say or do but now its like I plan it incase i do something that could trigger me or would trigger me (i dont know if its because of this or because of different reasons but im guessing this because i have no other explaination and i dont know if this is ocd but i think it is) and i have to do "fuck off lilly no your not no you dont shut up lilly no your not no you dont" or "shut up lilly fuck off lilly" or like "fuck off lilly fuck off lilly fuck off lilly fuck off lilly shut up lilly shut up lilly shut up lilly shut up lilly" or "shut up lilly shut up lilly shut up lilly shut up fuck off lilly fuck off lilly fuck off lilly fuck off lilly" however many times it feels nesicary and what ever order feels nesicary I also struggle to get changed or unchanged alot because i start repeating it loads of times and if i dont i stress out. I think its because if i dont I'm "slitting my wrists" or "slitting my neck" and it stresses me out also when i walk like in or out of my bathroom i have to keep repeating it and walking in or out of my bedroom i have to keep repeating it or like up or down my stairs or in and out my sisters room and things like that and if i dont i stress out I also tell my mum mostly everything and i can tell she doesn't care its mainly my mum but i sometimes tell other people too and i can tell they dont care either and if anyone interrupts me i have to start again or whatever and if whoever im telling don't answer me i have to start again or whatever and i sometimes ask them if they listened or something or whatever and if they don't answer me i make them listen and then i say or do it again or something or whatever Sometimes I breathe weird or wrong then i keep doing it until it feels or sounds right or just nesicary and i sometimes do it with blinking too and i do many repetitive things because of it too because i didnt blink right or breathe right whilst i did it or i did breathe right or did blink right whilst i did it and it stresses me out I sometimes have thoughts and the other day or once or one time or something or whatever or whatever or something it told me that my house would set on fire or something or whatever I sometimes have thoughts about harming myself or suicide that i DO NOT want to do AT ALL and it stresses me out I think it has been really bad this week or something or whatever or whatever or something to the point where I got my friend to do my work for me (we were only supposed to copy the board) This is also it Ive had ocd for years they keep changing i used to do numbers even numbers then odd numbers then washing my hands now its harm ocd (and unplugging plugs but i didnt know that was a sign of ocd but when i do unplugg and plug in things i have to do it loads of times) i think about harming people and myself that i DO NOT want to do and i hate it it tortures me i have to think "f*** off (my name) no your not no you dont shut up (my name) no your not no you dont" i have to walk over or past things alot of times becsuse it "slits my wrists" or "slits my neck" and i dont want that to happen so i do the things and i even dont do school work because if i write things wrong i have to cross and cross things out and write them loads of times just to cross them out again and put loads of dots and underline things loads of times and sometimes i cant even put my hand on the paper because its "slitting my wrists" or "slitting my neck" and i dont want to put my self under that much stress so sometimes i just dont do it so i dont get stressed but sometimes i get stressed and carry on and then takes ages to stop and when i stop i dont want to start again incase it starts again and i get shouted at by my teachers for not doing any work most of the time the teachers dont notice that ive done none or not much but then they dont notice me crying over it anyway the worse part is mental health day or when they talk about mental health because all they talk about is depression i know depression is bad but why cant you talk about other things like ocd like eating disorders why cant you just talk about the problems im facing and what other people are facing instead of depression all the time ive told teachers about this my old head of year i told her more than ive told any other teacher more than ive told any one i think actually but theyre no help ive never been to a therapist or whatever you have for things like this i really want to go to one because i think i need one but i feel really awkward talking about things like normal things like underwear and puberty and mental health I feel like ill never be normal i feel like i cant have a normal life like bring up a kid and that breaks my heart all the time and that if i ever have a kid i cant bring it up properly or it'll look at me weird or that ill pass it onto them I hate what happens to me in my mind everyday it tortures me everyday I hate that i look at myself abit differently learning its a disability Now that i think of it and i really dont want to say this but a few times i have thought about people sexually any ages normally not even my own i DONT want to think like this I sometimes think about suicide but i dont know if thats an instrusive thought because i DO NOT want to commit suicide AT ALL I hate how my life has come to me not being able to tell my parents or anyone my problems i hate hate HATE IT i dont know what to do...

Username: katee.evans29

Date posted: 1y ago

i need help

hii everyone, so, it has been about 2 or 3 years I’d say since I’ve been dealing with this. let’s just get right into it, so first, whatever I have (which might be OCD, I’m not entirely sure what it is) has taken over basically most of my childhood, and what kills me is that I’ll never get it back. one thing I know is that im not normal, i now get sleepless nights. why you may ask? because of my horrifying thoughts, “if you don’t look up you’ll be praying to the devil and you’ll go to hell!” “if you don’t say ‘God bless them’ their condition will happen to you!” “if you don’t say ‘good yetho 2x’ (idek..) ‘your mom will die 5x’ you’ll die and forget how to read. “if you don’t put your arms up, look directly up at the ceiling because if you look down you’ll pray to the devil so you need to look up, and say ‘Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that you forgive me for my sins in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.’ you’ll go straight to hell!” or whenever I touch a wall, i need to touch it with my small finger because if I touch it twice with my pointer finger my body will go to hell. it’s an endless cycle, and what’s even worse is that I may never be able to get help. I’ll never get that life back that I wanna live, and it kills me. I’ve named most of the compulsions and obsessions I have and I have 18 compulsions that are physical and about 5 obsessions that I really don’t wanna name right now. anyway, i really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve done a lot of research regarding around disorders, and it’s safe to say that I may have OCD. Now, do i want ocd? absolutely not. however, there’s a family member in my family who has it. so the chances of me having it are strong, i don’t think I’m able to get better until I’m 18. an adult. I’m 12 years old, my mom has noticed my compulsions and me repeating certain words. but she does nothing, absolutely nothing. instead, she just argues with me over it. if I ever tell my mom to sit down and ask her about getting a test, she would probably call me the R-Slur and tell me I’m crazy. Therefore, I’m all alone in this situation with no one to help me. another obsession I have is about me catching cancer if I don’t do a compulsion or I might get paralyzed and get sleep paralysis. It’s so horrifying, there’s more obsessions and compulsions I have but I really don’t wanna name them right now. I cry almost every day because of how exhausted I am, and how much help i truly want to get but I don’t think I ever will. I’m unsure whether or not I have ocd, people tell me to get a diagnosis. but the situation I am in right now makes it impossible. i have no way of getting tested but I have a good feeling I have ocd, if you’re reading this, please try to give me your thoughts and what I should do, and if I even have OCD. Thanks! :))

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