Struggling with the need for a clear diagnosis of my mental health issues.

This is half a vent session, half me asking for advice but: My OCD symptoms started on april 2020, one month after the pandemic. that has led me to constantly question whether it’s OCD or anxiety and of course i can’t really diagnose myself but it behaves very differently from anxiety. i’ve also been doing research and reading about OCD for over a year and i honestly honestly think i have OCD because i fit basically all the symptoms? anyways, I finally brought it up to my therapist a few appointments ago and i felt like they kind of dismissed me? not sure if that’s normal. they told me it’s could be because of heightened anxiety and to practice “thought stopping”. that has made me feel sooo bad about myself because i start spiraling and believing my intrusive thoughts MUST be true because of what they said, and because it makes me feel like I’m just using the OCD label for “attention”. i’m not sure if i should bring it up again in a future appointment? or maybe find a new therapist? or maybe I don’t have OCD at all? I don’t know what to do

Random blah-blah: I have GAD, and I think I have OCD too. I don't say that suffer from ocd since I'm not diagnosed. My ex-therapist suggested me to look up for bipolar disorder. The problem is, after half an year, I still don't think I am bipolar. Did my research inside my brain, as well as on the internet. The thing is, I am obssesing over my mental health. OCD was the last disorder that I checked, since I thought it's impossible for me to have it. I am anxious about this one. I am scared. I want to know if I have ocd, and since yesterday, that s all I am doing. Looking up on the internet to find an answer. I am scared if I book a call, the therapist will say: but you have GAD, not OCD. And this will be so bad because I... I honestly can t imagine why it would be so bad. Just that I ve lived in a lie for 2 days. I think my ocd is most obvious in my relationship with my bf. And I feel so bad because he keeps saying that everything he does - is never enough. It s complicated. I just want him to never doubt himself, his actions and our love.

I'm trying hard not to ask for reassurance here, but I'm in need of some advice. I know that I've been diagnosed with OCD, and I'm fairly confident that I've dealt with it consistently over my life. The theme has changed over time, and my current theme is being concerned that I may have narcissistic personality disorder. While I know that this obsession with NPD is a product of OCD, I also can't help but feel that I match so many of the symptom critera that it may be something worth looking into and working on. As you might expect though, this is kind of a huge conundrum, because searching for an actual diagnosis or talking to a psychotherapist might make my OCD about the topic even worse, or even if I get through ERP and then look for a diagnosis, it may cause me to relapse. I guess I'm just wondering what I should do about this. Should I just live with the doubt forever? If I do, would I be putting others at risk? What if there are actual things I need to work on, and by not seeking NPD specific treatment, I'll never get better? Should I work through ERP first and only then start thinking about this stuff? Or should I just not seek these answers out period? Again, trying not to ask for reassurance. I guess I'm wondering what y'all would do if you were in this situation.